Peter Kay


Peter Kay Trivia


  • Trivia

    • He proposed to his wife Susan on one knee outside 'Andy's Records', because it was the first place where they kissed.

    • Peter's best known lines and catch phrases are:

      'Ave it!
      Put big light on.
      How dare you.
      I'd rather lick my own arshole love, if you don't mind.
      It's that fine rain that soaks you through.
      It's spittin'!
      Booked it. Packed it. fukced off!

    • Peter has been in TV commercials for John Smith's beer since 2002, through which his catchphrase, "'Ave it!", gained popularity. He later claimed in his autobiography that he never meant to use "ave-it", he just said it after kicking the ball successfully.

    • His menial jobs, including working in a toilet roll factory, Netto supermarket, a Cash and Carry, and a Bingo Hall inspired episodes or sequences in That Peter Kay Thing.

    • Peter Kay attended Mount St Joseph High School in Bolton, leaving with one GCSE in Art.

    • Peter Kay stands 5'8½" tall.

    • Kay, though, regularly makes light of his criticisms during his television appearances. In an interview with Sue Barker during the 2005 Grand National he sarcastically remarked on his "Garlic Bread" catchphrase, "I don't regret saying that one", and on his "Amarillo" fame, "Can't get away from that one". Another notable occurrence came when he was playing Max (from Max and Paddy's Road to Nowhere) in clips played during Channel 4's "Peter Kay Night", broadcast April 18, 2006. On the listing for "Peter Kay: Live at the Manchester Arena", Max noted, "He's just brought this out on DVD last Christmas, the money grabbing bastard". However, what many people do not realise is that the two shows are from the same tour: the Manchester Arena show was a little later and has also been brought out as a DVD.

    • Kay has attracted criticism for calling the show Peter Kay's Phoenix Nights even though the writing chores were divided three ways. When the series won a BAFTA award, the star insisted on collecting it. The release of the Manchester Arena DVD was controversial among many fans as the majority of the show's material had been released already on the Bolton Halls disc.

    • He tried to buy the rights to the name Chorley FM from the real station based in Chorley for only £80, for his sketch-documentary The Services.

    • Kay introduced both Texas and the Doves at the V2005 festival in Weston Park, Staffordshire.

    • He supported Queen at the Hyde Park gig in Summer 2005 after appearing on stage at the Manchester leg of the tour, coming on for the encore.

    • His mother, Deirdre, often goes to his performances (notably the ones he is having recorded for DVD release) and is then usually picked on by her son and made to wave at cameras, etc.

    • Despite raising his profile in a series of advertisements for John Smith's bitter, Kay is in fact teetotal. His father died of alcohol poisoning.

    • Kay has performed at the Reebok Stadium in his home town Bolton as an opening act for Elton John. In addition, Bolton Wanderers F.C.'s fans have adopted "Amarillo" as a theme song, with Tony Christie's recording played at the home ground whenever the team scores.

    • At the British Academy of Film and Television tribute to comedian and actor Ronnie Barker in December 2004, Kay spoke of the influence he had drawn from him in his own work.

    • Max is also seen to be ignorant of current events, from not realising that civil partnerships are now legal and that Elton John has made use of it, to more controversial news stories involving Michael Barrymore, Gary Glitter, Diana, Princess of Wales and Michael Jackson.

    • Max stated that he did not like Peter Kay, and thought that Channel 4 was going downhill for dedicating a whole night to him. Paddy commented that he wondered why ITV have not snapped up Kay.

    • During this evening, Kay was seen in character as Max (from Max and Paddy's Road to Nowhere & Phoenix Nights) discussing the tribute with Paddy (Patrick McGuinness).

    • On 18th April 2006, Channel 4 broadcast a "Peter Kay Night", showing out-takes from Phoenix Nights (previously featured on DVD), a behind the scenes documentary of the Mum Wants a Bungalow tour and also the whole Peter Kay Live in Manchester show.

    • In 2006, a Channel 4 television show voted him as number one in 100 Funniest Moments, most notably for his stand up act, and in particular for his description of a family wedding.

    • In 2003, he was listed in The Observer as one of the 50 Funniest British Comedians. In addition, he made an appearance in a 2005 poll of comedians and critics to find The Comedian's Comedian, a search for the 50 greatest funnymen of all time. In March 2005 he also came top in a survey sponsored by the Jongleurs comedy club to find Britain's favourite comedian.

    • Subsequent advertisements for John Smith's Bitter, which imitate the realistic style of Phoenix Nights, saw Kay develop his now much-repeated catchphrases, "Ave 'it!" and "Two Lamb bhunas", both of which now appear on T-Shirts as official merchandise.

    • Production also began on Phoenix Nights, which was to see him achieve critical acclaim as well as mainstream audience appreciation.

    • During this period, he appeared on several chat shows, such as Parkinson and Friday Night with Jonathan Ross, having previously been a warm-up man for the former.

    • Although this led to a certain level of public recognition, it was only after his heavily promoted show, Live at the Top of the Tower, in 2000 that Kay attained widespread fame.

    • After he entered and subsequently won Channel 4's So You Think You're Funny contest in 1997, his first semi-professional stand-up appearances were at the 1998 Edinburgh Fringe festival, where he was nominated for the Perrier Award. During this time, he also appeared at various other clubs, such as The Comedy Store, and the Barracuda Club in Lincoln.

    • Eventually, after losing his job at the cinema, he was presented with the choice between finding another relatively meagre position or moving into comedy. After being told by several of his family that he was talented, he swiftly chose stand-up. He also states that he became a comedian partly to clear debt, although this is believed to be a comedic device, referring only to the fact that he was out of work.

    • Kay has said that he sought a career in comedy. During his time working as a cinema usher, he experimented with stand-up, participating in several local events, as well as others at the Comedy Store in Manchester.

    • Most recently, Kay's experience working at the Manchester Evening News Arena inspired him to wear the official yellow jacket of the MEN Arena for the final performance of his Mum Wants a Bungalow tour.

    • After leaving school, Kay took several jobs, many of which inspired episodes or sequences in That Peter Kay Thing. His earliest work was an interview with Granada Television in which he listed the contents of his room, as well as detailing his experience meeting Jimmy Savile. This would later be used in That Peter Kay thing, in the role of Leonard De-Thompkinson.

    • Despite starring in a number of adverts for John Smiths Beer, he is actually teetotal.

      He Became teetotal after alcoholic father John Kay died suddenly aged 59, in April 1999. Peter declared the death on his father's certificate.

    • His mother hails from County Tyrone, Northern Ireland.

    • He attended Mount St Joseph School in Bolton, Lancashire.

    • In 2004 he had a son, Charlie Michael Kay born on 12 January.

    • He was taught metalwork at school by the actor Steve Coogan's dad, and like Coogan he was an altar boy

    • Peter Kay once sang the Nat King Cole classic, L-O-V-E, on Parkinson.

    • Although he is the face of John Smith's beer, he is a teetotaller.

    • Helped Catherine Tate launch her comedy career by persuading his agent to sign her up.

    • 2005: Produced and starred in the promo video of Texas' single 'Sleep'. In the video Peter and Texas lead singer Sharleen Spiteri spoof various films from 'Ghost' to 'An Officer And A Gentleman'. It was premiered on 'Children In Need' on November 18th and is set for release on January 9th 2006 with proceeds going to charity.

    • 2005: Revived 70s classic 'Is This The Way to Amarillo' by Tony Christie as a fund raising single for Comic Relief. It was supported by a promotional video featuring numerous TV personalities, as well as Christie himself, performing actions to the words.

    • 2005: Introduced 'The Who' at the Live 8 Concert in London by jokingly telling the audience the next act was 'The Spice Girls'.

    • 2003: Launched a tour titled the 'Mum Wants a Bungalow Tour'...because his Mum actually did want a bungalow.

    • Used to be the audience warm up comedian for the chat show 'Parkinson'. After becoming famous he returned to the show as a guest.

    • 2002: Appeared in a string of adverts for John Smith's beer despite the fact that he is a teetotaller.

  • Quotes

    • Peter: You ever dip your biscuit in your tea and it breaks. I swear now, you never get used to that. Rich Teas should never be called one dips.

    • Peter: If it's not one thing, it's your mother.

    • Peter: I was in Greggs t'other day and the woman said "Here y'are love, watch me juices". I said "Hey! I want a pie not your life story!"

    • Peter: I'm in Bolton, so I won't have to give me mum three rings to let her know I'm home safe. Do you do that? Give her three rings and after the second ring she picks it up. What's the point of that?

    • Peter: (about Crimewatch reconstructions) You always have some manager, some right borin' manager narrating the reconstructions, he loves it.
      "I usually arrive at work twenty-to eight, ten-to eight. Er. That particular morning, the morning of the robbery, they were doing, er, servicing works up by the round-about, and the dual-carriageway was gridlocked."
      Get on with it, son, you're up against Bad Girls 'ere!
      "I usually open up in the mornings when I arrive. Morning, Jean, that's wrong Jean's been locked in...morning, Jean"
      "'Bout time an' all, been 'ere all night, thought you were never gon come. I daren't move in case alarm goes off"
      "Where's Frank, he's late this morning?"
      Proper wood-un. Frank comes on.
      "As I was driving towards work, I noticed a small white transit van parked diagonally across both lanes. There were- drrbe! There were two men discussin' somethin'. I- dddrb! I don't know what it was, but they both 'ad sawn-off shotguns. Yeah. I couldn't, yeah. I couldn't quite see their faces clearly as they were wearing ski masks. I thought 'that's odd'. As it hadn't snowed in months."

    • Peter: Get your 'ands up, mother-stickers, this is a fuck-up!

    • Peter: (about Ferguson Video Star VCR) If you were a lad, you couldn't watch a bit o' blue in t'middle of night, 'cause everybody could hear it fast-forwardin' about three streets away. So I've 'eard, anyway. You know?
      "I'll be up in a minute, mum, I'm just gettin' a drink."
      "Jesus! Shut up!"
      "Shut up!"
      "Shut up! Hiya, mum, y'alright? Mum, I'm stuck! It's got me! It's got me skin! It's got me skin!"

    • Peter: Why do mums buy crap pop? Why? Why d'they buy it? They go t'supermarket on friday night, do the friday big shop. They come back. They never buy Rola Cola. Rola Cola. Never Coca Cola, or Pepsi, Rola Cola. Panda Cola, or Streamway Cola. 8 litres for 40p. Crap pop. Shit pop. Pop you don't want.

    • Peter: (about foreign food) Oh, no. Oh, thank you, none of that foreign muck. What? Garlic bread? Garlic bread? Garlic? Bread? Am I hearin' you right? Garlic bread? No, thank you, I've got some milk roll in t'case that'll do me. The toasty loaf. The garlic bread!

    • Peter: It's like Blackpool, but on speed. Las Vegas.

    • Peter: (imitating parents of the future) You don't know you're born. All your mum and me used to have in the evenings was Sky Digital. Playstation, yeah. We used to have to manage with a car each, a car each! Your mam, she used to have a dishwasher! You don't remember - look at her face, you don't remember them, do you? She used to have take over all the plates, load them in, by hand, on her own! Turn it on!

    • Peter: I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

    • Peter: Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly; but when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it.

    • Peter: So I said "Do you want a game of Darts?", he said "OK then", I said "Nearest to bull starts". He said "Baa", I said "Moo", he said "You're closest."

    • Peter: You see I'm against hunting, in fact I'm a hunt saboteur. I go out the night before and shoot the fox.

    • Peter: You see I'm against hunting, in fact I'm a hunt saboteur. I go out the night before and shoot the fox.

    • Peter: The other day I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow. I rang her up, I said "Did you get my drift?"

    • Peter: So I went down the local supermarket, I said "I want to make a complaint, this vinegar's got lumps in it", he said "Those are pickled onions."

    • Peter: I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah, I thought "he's trying to pull a
      fast one."

    • Peter: So I said to this train driver "I want to go to Paris". He said
      "Eurostar?". I said "I've been on telly but I'm no Dean Martin."

    • Peter: So I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?". He said "How flexible are you?". I said "I can't make Tuesdays."

    • Peter: But I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase. I can hardly contain myself.

    • Peter: So I met this gangster who pulls up the back of people's pants, it was Wedgie Kray.

    • Peter: So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds". I said "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck."

    • Peter: But I'm in great mood tonight because the other day I entered a competition and I won a years supply of Marmite ... one jar.

    • Peter: So this bloke says to me, "Can I come in your house and talk about your carpets?". I thought "That's all I need, a Je-hoover's witness."

    • Peter: You see my next door neighbour worships exhaust pipes, he's a catholic converter.

    • Peter: So I rang up British Telecom, I said "I want to report a nuisance caller", he said "Not you again."

    • Peter: So I was having dinner with Garry Kasporov (world chess champion) and there was a check tablecloth. It took him two hours to pass me the salt.

    • Peter: He said "You remind me of a pepper-pot", I said "I'll take that as a condiment."

    • Peter: Now did you know all male tennis players are witches, for example Goran,
      even he's a witch.

    • Peter: And I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags, he's bisatchel.

    • Peter: So I was in Tesco's and I saw this man and woman wrapped in a barcode. I said "Are you two an item?"

    • Peter: So a lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a train-load of terrapins, I
      thought "That's a turtle disaster."

    • Peter: Four fonts walk into a bar The barman says "Oi - get out! We don't want your type in here."

    • Peter: A jump-lead walks into a bar. The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."

    • Peter: A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar. The barman says, "Is this some kind of joke?"

    • Peter: A sandwich walks into a bar. The barman says "Sorry we don't serve food in here."

    • Peter: So a Dyslexic man walks into a bra...

    • Peter: So a seal walks into a club...

    • Peter: A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says: "Pint please, and one for the road."

    • Peter: A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He slides up to the bar and announces: "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."

    • Peter: A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off. "Because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."

    • Peter: There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.

    • Peter: A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Amal." The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him Juan". Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal. Her husband responds, "But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."

    • Peter: Triangular sandwiches taste better than square ones.

    • Peter: What do you call male ballerinas?

    • Peter: Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?

    • Peter: What do people in China call their good plates?

    • Peter: Why can't women put on mascara with their mouth closed?

    • Peter: If a person owns a piece of land do they own it all the way down to the core of the earth?

    • Peter: Why does your gynecologist leave the room when you get undressed?

    • Peter: You know that look women get when they want sex? Me neither.

    • Peter: I think animal testing is a terrible idea; they get all nervous and give the wrong answers.

    • Peter: If we aren't supposed to eat animals, then why are they made out of meat?

    • Peter: My Dad used to say 'always fight fire with fire', which is probably why he got thrown out of the fire brigade.

    • Peter: Well I was bullied at school, called all kinds of different names. But one day I turned to my bullies and said - 'Sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me', and it worked! From there on it was sticks and stones all the way.

    • Peter: I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time'. So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.

    • Peter: I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time'. So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.

    • Peter: I was doing some decorating, so I got out my step-ladder. I don't get on with my real ladder.

    • Peter: I've often wanted to drown my troubles, but I can't get my wife to go swimming.

    • Peter: My mom was a ventriloquist and she always was throwing her voice. For ten years I thought the dog was telling me to kill my father.

    • Peter: When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bike. Then I realized that The Lord doesn't work that way, so I stole one and asked him to forgive me.

    • Peter: I saw six men kicking and punching the mother-in-law. My neighbour said 'Are you going to help?' I said 'No, Six should be enough.'

    • Peter: Is French kissing in France just called kissing?

    • Peter: Why is it that when someone tells you that there are over a billion stars in the universe, you believe them, but if they tell you there is wet paint somewhere, you have to touch it to make sure?

    • Peter: If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from
      vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?

    • Peter: Why is a person that handles your money called a 'Broker'?

    • Peter: Why does mineral water that 'has trickled through mountains for centuries' have a 'use by' date?

    • Peter: Why is it called Alcoholics Anonymous when the first thing you do is stand up and say, 'My name is Bob, and I am an alcoholic'?

    • Peter: Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out of
      the window?

    • Peter: Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?

    • Peter: The most embarrassing thing you can do as schoolchild is to call your
      teacher 'mum' or 'dad'.

    • Peter: Everyone who grew up in the 80's has entered the digits '55378008' into a calculator.

    • Peter: You've turned into your dad the day you put aside a thin piece of wood specifically to stir paint with.

    • Peter: Everyone had an uncle who tried to steal their nose.

    • Peter: Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit, Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

    • Peter: My best job before being a stand-up would have to be when I was usher at my local cinema in Bolton, I got to see all the movies for free, got free sweets and I told people endings of films as they were going in, like "I didn't know Al Pacino was in Ghost." The bad thing was I had to go on a course to learn how to thread ticket stubs on a needle and thread.

    • Peter: Being a Comedian is the only job I've ever managed to keep for a long period of time. In all my other jobs after a while it got to the point where it was like I wasn't there. Hey I bet my former bosses are sat right now saying, "You're damn right you wasn't there, that's why you're not there now!" but I guess I never settled because I wasn't meant to pack toilet rolls or stack shelves, I was destined to make people laugh.