Comedy Central rolled out the red carpet for Roseanne Barr in the Comedy Central's Roast of Roseanne, taped at the Hollywood Palladium in Los Angeles on Saturday, August 4, 2012 (Air date: August 12). Helmed by Roast Master Jane Lynch, the event featured a dais of roasters Katey Sagal, Carrie Fisher, Ellen Barkin, Seth Green, Wayne Brady, Anthony Jeselnik, Jeffrey Ross, Amy Schumer and Gilbert Gottfried. Toward the end of the show, Barr's estranged ex-husband, Tom Arnold, surprised everyone, including Roseanne, by taking the stage. Arnold poked fun at Barr but paid her the biggest compliment in the end, saying,"In 1985, Roseanne went on Johnny Carson [The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson], which is every comic's dream back then. She killed, he laughed his ass off, he gave her a thumbs up and he invited her to sit on his couch. She got validation from the king which can never be taken away from her. And I just want to say, Rosanne, you were my Johnny Carson. And thank you for the thumbs up and thank you for inviting me to sit on your couch for a little bit."
In a February 2, 2012 statement, Roseanne announced she has filed the official paperwork necessary to run for the Green Party nomination for president of the United States. Miss Barr, a long-time supporter of the party, says she looks forward to working with people who share her values, claiming the two major parties (Democratic and Republican) aren't serving America. The Green Party, an electoral alternative to a two-party system whose first priority is value-based politics, will select its 2012 Presidential candidate at a convention in Baltimore in July.
In a Wednesday, September 23, 2011 tweet, Roseanne announced that the Lifetime cable network opted not to pick up a second season of her reality show Roseanne's Nuts. Miss Barr's Twitter message also included a thank-you to her fans for watching the series, which documented her new life in Hawaii, where she lives on a 46-acre farm with 2,000 macadamia nut trees. Roseanne's Nuts premiered in July to 1.6 million viewers and was the fourth most-watched unscripted series launch in network history. However, viewership slowly declined, dropping to just 629,000 viewers for its season finale after Lifetime moved the show from Wednesday to Friday nights.
Roseanne's facial plastic surgeries took the spotlight on the her sitcom, Roseanne, in this case via the opening credits, wherein her photographs from the past nine seasons reflected her change from the frowzy to the almost glamorous.
Roseanne proudly claims to have taken after her stubborn and self-reliant Bobbe Mary (grandmother), and knows that her father (Jerry Barr) greatly influenced her love of laughter.
Roseanne, as a child, would gather around the television with her family every Sunday night to watch The Ed Sullivan Show, primarily to see the stand-up comics.
Roseanne and her younger sister, Geraldine, aspired to go to Hollywood and change the name Warner Bros. to the Barr Sisters.
Roseanne, in the company of such heterosexuals as David Duchovny, Christopher Reeve, Prince William and Bette Midler, was once (1992) named one of the twenty-five coolest straight people in the world, according to The Advocate, a United States-based lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender/transsexual people-related, bi-weekly newsmagazine.
Roseanne has had a blog since 1996.
Roseanne ranked number eleven on The 50 Greatest TV Icons compiled by cable's TV Land and the writers of Entertainment Weekly magazine (November 2007). The list will fuel a two-hour special on the network, as well as a feature story in an upcoming issue of Entertainment Weekly.
Roseanne's first divorce was handled by actor David Schwimmer's attorney mother.
Roseanne drives a silver Ford Hybrid, a gas-electric hybrid powered vehicle (2007).
Roseanne attended the 3rd Annual Elyse Walker Pink Party benefitting the Cedar-Sinai Woman's Cancer Research Institute at the Samuel Oschin Comprehensive Cancer Institute which took place at the Viceroy Hotel in Santa Monica, California (2007).
Roseanne found an attempt at writing her own obituary at age eight, while rummaging through some boxes in her her mother's basement. In it, she wrote of having discovered a cure for cancer and being responsible for ushering in world peace.
Roseanne acquired a second home on the Big Island of Hawaii when she bought a former macadamia farm in 2007.
Roseanne upset controversial blogger, Perez Hilton, when she fired back on her MySpace page regarding his internet celebrity bashings, threatening to shoot him (August 2007).
Roseanne fired (August 2007) one of the interns who was administering her page on a popular social networking website, who posted a series of bizarre rants on the Internet purporting to be from her. She insists the postings (descriptions of her incontinence problems, her hatred of President George W. Bush, and shooting at trespassers on her land), seemingly penned by her during drunken outbursts on her MySpace page, had nothing to do with her. Roseanne apologized to her worried fans, regarding the incident, on her official blog at RoseanneWorld.com.
Roseanne was featured on more magazine covers than anyone in history in 1989.
Roseanne had two unauthorized biographies produced about her in the fall of 1994. Comedic actress, Denny Dillon, best known for her role as Toby Pendalbee on the 1990's HBO sitcom Dream On, portrayed Roseanne in the FOX network-made TV movie, Roseanne: An Unauthorized Biography, and actress Patrika Darbo, who in 1990 appeared on Roseanne's sucessful comedy series, Roseanne, as Marge Doleman, the Roseanne Conner character's husband's fantasy girlfriend in "Dream Lover," (Season 3, Episode 57), played Roseanne in the NBC television movie, Roseanne and Tom: Behind the Scenes.
Roseanne prefers to read books about Adolph Hitler, psychopaths, Jesus Christ, or George W. Bush.
Roseanne considers Gore Vidal, Mary Daly, Virginia Woolf, George Carlin, Leonard Cohen, her children, her mother, her siblings, immigrants, and the women and men of ACORN (the Association of Community Organizations for Reform Now, the nation's largest community organization of low- and moderate-income families, working together for social justice and stronger communities) to be her heroes.
Roseanne enjoys watching such television programs and programming as The Colbert Report, Forensic Files, Cold Case Files, The Sopranos, Big Love, Nancy Grace, and any Hitler documentaries on The History Channel (which she refers to as the Hitler Channel).
Roseanne's musical interests include Blues, Jazz, Country, Rock, Rap, and Classical.
Roseanne's 3-month stint as host for an hour-long, live, phone-in radio talk show for KCAA (1050 AM), broadcasting five days a week to the Inland Empire (Southern California) in Loma Linda, California, came to a close on June 14, 2007.
Roseanne credits her public re-emergence to a solid relationship (following her third marriage) with musician/writer, Johnny Argent, whom she met when he submitted songs to her via the Internet.
Roseanne currently resides in El Segundo, California, to remove herself from the Hollywood scene she calls "World Illusion," and to raise her youngest son, Buck Thomas.
Roseanne came up with her comedic persona, the Domestic Goddess, in the late 1980's, brainstorming about wanting to be a radical, non-mainstream comedian, while at a coffee shop with her sister, Geraldine Barr. The name, Domestic Goddess, was taken from a book titled, Fascinating Womanhood, which she remembered her mother and neighbor ladies reading when she was little. One particular chapter focused on how to manipulate your husband by becoming a "Domestic Goddess." Roseanne decided to use the term as one of self-definition, rebellion, and truth-telling.
Roseanne was part of the all-star line-up when Comedy Central honored the life of comedy pioneer, Rodney Dangerfield, with the tribute special, Legends: Rodney Dangerfield on September 10, 2006.
Roseanne sold her Beverly Hills home to actor Samuel L. Jackson and his actress wife LaTanya Richardson in 2006, warning him that she had hidden several nude pictures of herself around the house. Jackson has yet to come across any of them.
Roseanne is involved in The Trevor Project, a non-profit organization that operates the nation's only around-the-clock suicide prevention help line for gay teenagers.
Roseanne was among such celebrities as Demi Moore, Mischa Barton, and Christian Slater, whose homes came in yards of being destroyed by a fierce brush fire in Beverly Hills, California, July 16, 2006.
Roseanne considers Kabbalah "the last hope of the world." She studies Kabbalah at the Kabbalah Center in Los Angeles, California, and also does a lecture about her studies at the center several times a year. Roseanne has also spoken on the subject of Kabbalah in New York, Tel Aviv, and Jerusalem.
Roseanne was a featured interview, lending her insights and thoughts into her favorite TV moms, on TV Land's Top Ten: TV Moms on May 10, 2006.
Roseanne claims that during a drunken get together with fellow Roseanne (ABC sitcom) cast members John Goodman and George Clooney, Goodman photographed Clooney naked with Groucho Marx glasses over his private area, and the picture used to hang under a magnet on the refrigerator on the set of Roseanne. The photograph was later stolen, and Roseanne, fearing it will come back to haunt the now successful actor/director, watches for it to surface on eBay (an auction website).
Roseanne's January 14, 2006 appearance on CNN's Larry King Live reaped the benefit of her being invited to the high school reunion she feared she'd miss out on. As a drop-out, she was not included on the Utah school's mailing list. One of Barr's former ates contacted her via the King show, and extended an on-the-air invitation to the upcoming reunion.
Roseanne, at age forty-seven, announced Playboy magazine was paying her a seven-figure amount to appear nude in the publication. When the magazine ran a poll on their website asking whether readers wanted to see her naked, the vote went 60/40 against Roseanne. Playboy declined the idea. She then approached Gear magazine editor, Bob Guccione. Shots of a semi-nude Roseanne lying on a limousine were featured in the October 2000 issue of Gear magazine.
Roseanne began an obsession with the number five in the late 1960's. She felt that everything had to count out to five, or something terrible would happen. Roseanne was uncomfortable with the obsession until comedian, Rodney Dangerfield, informed her that a good percentage of performers and creative types, including himself, have number obsessions.
Roseanne listened to Prince's song, "1999," non-stop while traveling to Burbank, California from Los Angeles to make her television stand-up comedy debut on The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson in 1984.
Roseanne's beloved grandmother, Bobbe Mary (Mary Butrum Davis), died at the age of seventy-six in 1982, two years shy of seeing her granddaughter's meteoric rise in Hollywood.
Roseanne got booed off the stage by 300 college students while performing at a pizza bar in Louisville, Kentucky in the late 1980's. She had to leave the stage by walking in front of the crowd that jeered her. She stood by the door, and as the patrons filed out at the end of the show, she thanked each person, individually, for coming to see her.
Roseanne founded The Roseanne Foundation, a non-profit organization raising funds to develop and support programs and practical solutions dealing with affects of child abuse and dissociation, working in conjunction and under the supervision of Dr. Colin Ross of the Colin A. Ross Institute, an institution formed to further the understanding of psychological trauma and its consequences by providing educational services, research, and clinical treatment of trauma based disorders.
Roseanne was called Roseann-A by Mitzi Shore, the co-founder of the Los Angeles comedy club, The Comedy Store.
Roseanne was determined to be a serious feminist writer or a stand-up comedian in the early 1980's. She chose the latter.
Roseanne has a "criminal mentality" by her own admission.
Roseanne's agent received more than $45,000 in offers, more than her husband (Bill Pentland) earned in a year, the morning after her 1985 appearance on The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson.
Roseanne made accusations against and had fired people who were well know in television long before the establishment ever heard of her.
Roseanne was invited to work with a women's production company called Black Orchid Productions in the early 1980's, and began her stand-up comedy with them performing in a coffee shop located in the basement of a Unitarian church in Denver, Colorado.
Roseanne's first child, an illegitimate daughter she gave up for adoption at birth, was born in the Booth Memorial Home for Unwed Mothers in Denver Colorado. Roseanne does not discuss the father of the child, except to say she did not want to marry him.
Roseanne had a brief stint (early 1970"s) as a French chef's assistant at the Silver Queen, the then premier French restaurant in Colorado, just outside of Denver.
Roseanne became engaged to comedian, Tom Arnold, while still married to first husband, Bill Pentland.
Roseanne has seen the movie, The Computer Wore Tennis Shoes, nine times. As a patient in the Utah state hospital's mental health facility in the late 1960's, she was allowed to go to the movies, occasionally, and this was the only film deemed socially acceptable to the staff.
Roseanne's 1998 two-season daytime talk show, The Roseanne Show, was one of the most successful launches of television programming, not only domestically, but in thirty foreign countries.
Roseanne's production company, Full Moon and High Tide, released her first children's DVD, Rockin' with Roseanne: Calling All Kids!, and her HBO comedy special DVD, Blonde and B****in' in 2006. Roseanne is actively involved in producing original programming for VH1 at her Full Moon and High Tide studio, which she boasts as being family-run and kid friendly.
Roseanne regularly performed her comedy routines at the Mercury Café, a bikers' establishment, and at a jazz club called Muddy's Java Café, both in Denver, Colorado, during her early years (1980's) in stand-up comedy.
Roseanne converted half of her office on the set of her television sitcom, Roseanne, into an art studio.
Roseanne, along with then husband, Tom Arnold, executively produced an unsuccessful television pilot in 1994 titled, Cherry Street South of Main. It was part of the multi-series deal that the couple had, through their Wapello County Productions, with ABC in conjunction with Warner Bros. TV.
Roseanne, as a struggling, young housewife and mother in the 1970's, credits the day she read a prepared statement over the air to her favorite radio personality, Alan Berg, the Denver-based, Jewish, liberal talk show host of KGMC radio (now called KWBZ), with being the first day on her way back to being herself. She was so nervous, she wet herself. Berg was the first Jewish person Roseanne ever heard that dared to "fight back," besides her beloved grandmother, Bobbe Mary. Roseanne had promised herself that she would one day write him a letter of appreciation for what he did for her, but he was assasinated (1984) before she got the chance.
Roseanne lived in an artists' colony in the Colorado mountains at the age of eighteen.
Roseanne executively produced Saturday Night Special (FOX), a cutting edge, late-night variety show in 1996.
Roseanne once lived in huge Alpine-Tudor style chalet in Brentwood Hills, California, which she later turned over to her children when she and third husband, Ben Thomas, moved into a smaller, white brick house adjacent to it.
Roseanne claims that her tongue-lashings directed at the writers of her television comedy series, Roseanne, was "an act"–- part of the negotiating skills she had to learn to get the best work from them.
Roseanne was working toward a career as a buyer in the clothing industry in 1980.
Roseanne and then husband, Bill Pentland, spent the summer of 1987 in a centuries old, pink house one block off of Bourbon Street on Ursuline in New Orleans, Louisiana, while their children were away at camp. Being a night owl, Roseanne enjoyed the nightlife the French Quarter had to offer.
Roseanne knew by the age of three that she was going to be a comic and have her own show. On Friday evenings, she would entertain her family when they would gather at her grandfather's apartment for Sabbath dinner.
Roseanne was Grand Marshall in the 1992 Annual Hollywood Christmas Parade.
Roseanne has an amicable relationship with her ex-husband, Ben Thomas, who is remarried and lives across the street from her.
Roseanne was unexpectedly invited by Academy Award-winning film director/writer and liberal political activist, Michael Moore, to join his controversial tour of university campuses across the United States during the 2004 presidential campaign.
Roseanne avoids shaking hands because she's a bit germaphobic. She also claims to be psychic and doesn't always like the vibes she gets.
Roseanne limits her stand-up engagements as she doesn't like to be away from her youngest son, Buck Tomas.
Roseanne's keyboardist in her comeback stand-up return tour, a tall, lanky man usually dressed in a cowboy hat and black western-style jacket, who she refers to as Big Tex, is her steady boyfriend, Johnny Argent.
Roseanne's recent return to stand-up comedy, touring selected cities with all new material and a back-up musician, has been met with standing ovations.
Roseanne, who has largely been absent from TV since her sitcom, Roseanne, ended in 1997 (except for a short-lived talk show in 1998) blames the situation on "blacklisting."
Roseanne participated in the State of the World Forum at San Francisco's Masonic Temple where she acted as moderator for a panel with "Rising Sun Ashes" as its focus. The participants consisted of young people from around the world who are victims of war and political oppression.
Roseanne, having given birth to her youngest child, Buck Thomas, at the age of forty-four, would make up games to play with him requiring little or no energy. At one point, she found herself allowing him to jump off things, after which she would hold up signs with Olympic scores on them, appeasing him while she lay on the bed.
Roseanne was raised in an almost exclusively Mormon environment of her native Salt Lake City, Utah. She was the only Jewish child in her neighborhood, until her sisters (Geraldine and Stephanie) and brother (Ben) were born.
Roseanne was once the emcee at a strip show.
Roseanne decided to name her youngest son simply Buck because she thought he was too macho to have a middle name.
Roseanne saluted her mom, Helen Barr, on the Lifetime interview tribute special, Lifetime Salutes Mom, in 1987. The following year, her mother appeared with her on the Lifetime interview tribute special, Like Mother, Like Daughter. On September 21, 1991, at a Denver Colorado conference for sexual abuse victims, Roseanne came forward alleging her mother molested her as a small child. Helen Barr denied the allegations. At that time, Roseanne also claimed that her father, Jerry Barr, molested her until she left home at the age of seventeen.
Roseanne made her directorial debut in 1991 with the HBO comedy special, Roseanne Barr: Live from Trump Castle, which she also executive produced, wrote and starred in.
Roseanne was honored by Ms. Magazine on their Lifetime 25th anniversary TV special.
Roseanne, in conjunction with Black Orchid Productions, produced Women,Take Back the Mike, a comedy performance to coincide with the first known Take Back the Night march in the United States (1978), a march organized in San Fransisco, California by Woman Against Violence in Pornography and Media and marched through the red-light district of San Francisco in protest of rape and pornography, which they identified with the sexual subordination of women. Roseanne also became involved with the comedy project as retaliation for being banned at the Comedy Shoppe in Denver, Colorado.
Roseanne's stand-up comedy routine won the Denver Laugh-Off contest in 1983, beating out sixteen male competitors.
Roseanne was invited to come and sing the National Anthem at DePaul University (the largest Catholic university in the nation) shortly after performing her disastrous rendition of The Star-Spangled Banner at Jack Murphy Stadium before a San Diego Padres baseball game (1990).
Roseanne and Tom Arnold received no wedding presents when they were married in 1990, even though they did not specify to their guests that they weren't receiving gifts.
Roseanne thought her then husband, Tom Arnold, looked like a World Federation wrestler when he grew a beard in 1990.
Roseanne was chosen as one of Ladies' Home Journal's Most Fascinating People in a special that aired on CBS.
Roseanne had three failed projects after her successful sitcom, Roseanne, finished in 1997: a daytime talk show, a reality show, and a cooking show.
Roseanne's attempts to launch second husband, Tom Arnold, in ABC's sitcoms, The Jackie Thomas Show (1992-1993) and Tom (1994) were unsuccessful.
Roseanne had the lead role as King Ahasuerus in her synagogue's production of The Story of Esther in the early 1960's.
Roseanne wrote, directed, produced and starred in plays in her neighborhood as a child and in her junior high school.
Roseanne made her feature film debut in the 1984 movie She-Devil, co-starring with Academy Award-winning actress Meryl Streep. In 1991, she and then husband Tom Arnold starred together in the ABC made for TV movie, Backfield in Motion. The film also featured a young, rising star named Johnny Galecki, whom Roseanne would later cast as David Healy on her sitcom, Roseanne. That same year, she had a bit part in the horror flick, Freddy's Dead: The Final Nightmare. Roseanne starred in another television movie titled The Woman Who Loved Elvis, executively produced by her and Tom Arnold in 1993. The movie also featured Danielle Harris, another actor who would become a semi-regular on the comedy series, Roseanne. Roseanne has had small parts in two other big screen productions: Even Cowgirls Get the Blues (1993) as Madame Zoe and 1995's Blue in the Face (a.k.a. Brooklyn Boogie) as Dot, in which she has a love scene with actor Harvey Keitel.
Roseanne provided the character voices for two animated productions: Rosey in the short-lived cartoon television series, The Rosey and Buddy Show (1992), opposite then husband, Tom Arnold, as the voice of Buddy, and, more recently, as the bovine character, Maggie, in the 2004 animated movie, Home on the Range. She also had a co-starring role doing the vocals for baby Julie in the feature film, Look Who's Talking Too starring John Travolta and Kirstie Alley.
Roseanne hosted a video Weblog titled Seven Days @ Minimum wage with AFL-CIO and ACORN (Association of Community Organization for Reform Now) as Part of a campaign to boost state pay standards.
Roseanne used Roseanne Barr as her stage name when her professional comedy career was launched in 1985, even though her legal name, at the time, was Roseanne Pentland, with the then marriage to first husband, Bill Pentland. She changed her professional name to Roseanne Arnold in 1990 with her marriage to Tom Arnold after they agreed that she would take his name if he would convert to Judaism. After her separation from Arnold in 1994, Roseanne announced her name would be simply Roseanne. With her third marriage to former body guard, Ben Thomas (1995), she slowly tried to be known as Roseanne Thomas (1997). She was billed as such in the last few episodes of her sitcom, Roseanne, as Executive Producer, but was still credited as Roseanne under the cast credits. When she appeared as a guest star on the comedy series, The Nanny, in 1997, she was listed as Roseanne Thomas. After her divorce from Thomas in 2002, she took one name again and was known as Roseanne. In 2003, she resumed using the name Barr, the surname on her birth certificate, after reconciling with her parents, who she publically accused (1991) of sexually abusing her as a child-- that, and because people were continuously confusing her with comedian, Rosie O'Donnell.
Roseanne, minutes before making her televison debut on The Tonight Show With Johnny Carson (1985), opened a letter she had written to herself years before, with the intention of reading it if she ever got on the program. Passages taken from that letter are as follows: "This is the beginning of your life, for She is and is not yet. This is for my kids, because my kids are going to college." She concluded the letter with: "This is for Elisia." Elisia refers to Brandi Brown, the illegitimate daughter Roseanne gave up for adoption at age eighteen.
Roseanne was only the second woman to be roasted at the infamous Friars Club, traditionally a men's organization.
Roseanne had a million dollar deal in the offing with Burger King that would have put the likenesses of the cartoon characters from her and Tom Arnold's animated TV series, Little Rosey, on Burger King cups and posters. The deal fell through when Roseanne's family members, whom the characters were based on, couldn't settle on a financial agreement.
Roseanne was devastated when, after announcing to her parents that she'd been asked to appear on The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson (1985), instead of being happy for her, they were more concerned over the whereabouts of the groceries they asked her to buy.
Roseanne received a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame in 1992.
Roseanne's wedding dress, worn during her second marriage ceremony, had a hole in it. The bridal store where she bought it forgot to remove the plastic anti-theft lock and it had to be cut out before the service.
Roseanne was the inspiration behind the FOX television sitcom, Married...with Children. The writers of the program developed storylines based on what they thought home life would be like if Roseanne and comedian, Sam Kinison, were married.
Roseanne left a profanity-riddled note and a photograph of a man's hairy buttocks on the windshield of Seinfeld cast member, Julia Louis-Dreyfus, after she parked in Roseanne's space on a studio lot.
Roseanne and second husband, Tom Arnold, spent their wedding night at the Beverly Hills Hotel. The next morning, their limo driver inexplicably left after driving them to Duke's on Sunset Boulevard for breakfast, and they had to hitchhike back to the hotel.
Roseanne followed her debut comedic performance on The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson with numerous appearances in Las Vegas. Her name was on the marquees of many major hotels and casinos, among them the Dunes (in Mitzi Shore's Comedy Store), the Desert Inn (where she co-headlined with fellow stand-up comedian, Louie Anderson) and Caesars Palace, headlining the famed Circus Maximus showroom.
Roseanne met several times with the producers of The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson, prior to her first comedic engagement with the show, to go over her material. They were apprehensive about Roseanne using the word "uterus" on the air, since no one had done so before in a comedy routine. The word finally got clearance.
Roseanne was spotted by a talent scout during rehearsals for George Schlatter's TV special, Funny, which led to her first appearance on The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson (1985).
Roseanne and fellow comedian, Tom Arnold, found great amusement in going to comedy clubs and heckling other comics, during their early years on the road doing standup. Roseanne's favorite comedian to heckle was Andrew Dice Clay.
Roseanne, feeling like her previous comedic performance on The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson was under rehearsed, wrote her jokes on her hand for her fourth appearance.
Roseanne would be watched closely by an executive story editor while she and program writers took their first look at any given episode for her sitcom, Roseanne. As they followed the show from set to set, the editor would make marks in his script: a wavy line meant a titter; a large mark meant a big laugh; and an "R" meant Roseanne laughed.
Roseanne, and then husband, Tom Arnold, entertained the wives of the troops of Desert Storm during the war in Iraq doing stand-up comedy on several California bases. At one point in a performance, Roseanne invited a woman to come up to the microphone and allowed her to express her anti-war sentiments.
Roseanne, after butchering the "Star-Spangled Banner" in her solo performance before a San Diego Padres baseball game in 1990, was to be immortalized as a doll you throw darts at. At, the last minute, the manufacturer changed it to a Saddam Hussein doll.
Roseanne was disturbed to find a dead rat floating in her swimming pool the day of her wedding to Tom Arnold, thinking it was some kind of sign.
Roseanne wanted to be a tap-dancer when she was little and took lessons for a short while. She thought if she could tap-dance, she could go into show business.
Roseanne loves champagne and caviar.
Roseanne used her first husband, Bill Pentland, as the prototype when she developed the Dan Conner character for the TV sitcom, Roseanne.
Roseanne and Tom Arnold joined the Mile High Club while on their honeymoon.
Roseanne was stricken with Bell's Palsy around the age of four. Bell's Palsy is a usually temporary affliction characterized by facial drooping on the affected half due to malfunction of the facial nerve associated with the muscles of the face.
Roseanne was the target of an ad called "Ban Barr From the Airwaves" placed in Rolling Stone magazine after her anthem-battering episode in Jack Murphy Stadium before a San Diego Padres baseball game in1990. The magazine reportedly signed six hundred members in one day.
Roseanne came to the realization that she was using food as a substance the way people use drugs and alcohol after watching a film about addiction while visiting Tom Arnold in rehab, prior to her marriage to him.
Roseanne would listen to Patti Smith's "People Have the Power" several times a day to pump herself up in order to face the unrest on the set of her televison sitcom, Roseanne.
Roseanne's secret wish as a little girl was to be a gypsy, knapsacking around the world, creating adventures and making campfires and eating beans from cans.
Roseanne employed more writers for her television show, Roseanne, than any other sitcom of the time. She mixed stand-up comics in with the TV writers, to give the comics on-the-job-training in commercial storytelling.
Roseanne lived on Park Street, in Salt Lake City, Utah in a big tenement slum when she was very small. Her grandparents owned the twelve apartments, which were most times occupied by several Jewish survivors they sponsored after World War II.
Roseanne began to headline comedy clubs about 8 months after she started.
Roseanne stayed at the Marriott Marquis in the Times Square threatre district the first time she was in New York City. During that initial visit, she and her sister, Geraldine Barr, attended a one-woman Broadway show being performed by comedian, Lily Tomlin. It was arranged for them to meet her backstage, but, Roseanne, mortified because she and her sister were overdressed, left without meeting Tomlin.
Roseanne shoplifted a jar of baby food at age sixteen and got caught. She loved baby food and, later, when she had children of her own, she ate it constantly.
Roseanne once worked as a widow dresser for GiGi's, a dress shop in Georgetown, Colorado.
Roseanne and her first husband, Bill Pentland, lived in an eight-foot-wide by thirty-foot-long trailer before they were married.
Roseanne made Tom Arnold her manager while on their honeymoon.
Roseanne enjoyed snacking on Swenson's Sticky Chewy Chocolate ice cream on the set between tapings of the television sitcom, Roseanne.
Roseanne loved to play with Barbie dolls as a child. Concerned that they didn't look lifelike, she would put straight pins in their breasts so it would look like they had nipples.
Roseanne, after having been institutionalized for a year at age seventeen, experienced a recurring nightmare that she couldn't wake up. She was horrified that people would think she was dead and would bury her alive.
Roseanne had contract arrangements in the works in 1995 to co-produce Planet Hollywood Squares, a weekly version of the famous quiz show, and a late-night comedy show, but it never got off the ground.
Roseanne once worked at the radical bookstore, Woman to Woman (early 1980's), later know as The Rocky Mountain Womencenter, on Colfax Street in Denver, Colorado, where she kept men out using a baseball bat. There, she enjoyed reading women's history and lecturing on feminist ethics.
Roseanne liked gnawing on things when she was little. Pennies were her favorite things to chew; she liked the coppery taste and cool feel.
Roseanne's childhood babysitter, Robbie, nicknamed her Lil Bit.
Roseanne announced in a video taped message played June 10th, 2007 at a rally in Washington that an end to Israel's occupation of the West Bank and Gaza is the key to a just and lasting peace.
Roseanne has been pictured on the cover of TV Guide magazine a total of thirteen times.
Roseanne was criticized by gay-rights groups in April 2007 after claiming on her AM radio show that gays and lesbians were narcissistic and did not care about any political issues other than gay rights.
Roseanne had gastric bypass surgery in 1998, performed by Dr.Mal Fobi using his Fobi Pouch technique, that which replaces a person's stomach with an artificial pouch whereby food can bypass the main stomach and bowel.
Roseanne enjoys riding ATV's with her grandchildren.
Roseanne's current favorite comediennes are insult comic, Lisa Lampanelli (the 'Loveable Queen of Mean') and Sarah 'Big S' Silverman, whose comedy acts are sometimes performed from a caricatured, stereotypical Jewish-American princess perspective.
Roseanne's role models are Phyllis Diller and Joan Rivers.
Roseanne is active in raising the minimum wage in the United States.
Roseanne went blonde in the late 1990's because it was an easy cover for the gray.
Roseanne has four grandsons.
Roseanne's favorite comedians include Mae West, Redd Foxx, and Richard Pryor.
Roseanne's hobby as a teenager was sewing.
Roseanne thought of herself as a nerd in her teen years.
Roseanne was the major draw in 1997 when she played the Wicked Witch of the West in a stage production of The Wizard of Oz at the Theater at Madison Square Gardens in Manhattan.
Roseanne worked as a dishwasher at Bennigan's, a restaurant near Denver, Colarado, when she was nineteen, until she was made a cocktail waitress at the bar, a position created just for her. Roseanne later became a self-proclaimed horrible waitress.
Roseanne is 5'4" tall.
Roseanne's autobiographies, Rosanne: My Life as a Woman (New York: Harper and Row, 1989) and My Lives (Ballantine Books,1994) established her as a best-selling author.
Roseanne home-schools her youngest son, Buck Thomas.
Roseanne had a face lifting when she was forty.
Roseanne underwent breast reduction surgery in 1991, going from a size 40DD to a 38C.
Roseanne collects pigs.
Roseanne briefly attended (1968-1970) Utah's Salt Lake High School East, until dropping out at the age of seventeen.
Roseanne underwent a tubal ligation reversal and in vitro fertilization procedures, enabling her to become pregnant with her youngest son, Buck Thomas (born August 5, 1995), her only child with third husband, Ben Thomas.
Roseanne made claim in 1994 that she suffers from Multiple Personality Disorder, stating she'd been diagnosed with twenty-one separate personalities.
Roseanne made her TV series acting debut starring as Roseanne Conner in the ABC sitcom, Roseanne, in 1988. She was also credited as Creative Consultant and received credit as Producer in 1990-91, Co-executive Producer of the l991-92 season, and Executive Producer from 1992 until the series finale in 1997.
Roseanne won the Cable Ace Award for Funniest Female in a Comedy in 1987. She has also been named Best Actress in a Comedy Series at the American Televison Awards, received two Golden Globe Awards for the television sitcom; Roseanne, six People's Choice Awards; two American Comedy Awards, and, in 1990, was presented with the Nickelodeon Kids' Choice Award in recognition of her contributions to television. In addition, Roseanne's comedy television series, Roseanne, was honored with a Peabody, one of the most prestigious awards in broadcasting. Roseanne has also taken home two Humanitas Awards (a citation bestowed on Hollywood writers who seek to promote the full realization of humanity— the best instincts and values of the human spirit). She has also been awarded with the Eleanor Roosevelt Award presented by the American Democratic Association to outstanding American women, the GLAAD Media Award, and has been honored with the Jack Benny Award. Rosaenne received the Lucy Award, named after comedian, Lucille Ball and presented annually by Women in Film, and was among the recipients of the 1997 American Comedy Honors.
Roseanne was the co-executive producer of the short-lived (1992-1993) TV comedy series, The Jackie Thomas Show with then husband, Tom Arnold, who also starred in the program.
Roseanne appeared as herself playing comedian Rodney Dangerfield's wife in the 1986 HBO comedy special, It's Not Easy Bein' Me.
Roseanne's public statements, appearances on celebrity interview shows, and feature articles about her life in magazines and tabloid newspapers often overshadowed her work on the television series, Roseanne.
Roseanne was one of the most controversial and outspoken television stars of the 1980's and 1990's.
Roseanne is a member and staunch supporter of ACORN, the Association of Community Organizations for Reform Now, the nation's largest community organization of low- and moderate-income families working together for social justice and stronger communities.
Roseanne released Rocking with Roseanne: Calling All Kids!, a 40-minute short (DVD) starring herself, combining animation and live action to create a children's sing-a-long (February 7, 2006). In May of the same year, she received the 2006 Danville International Children's Film Festival Humanitarian Award for her efforts.
Roseanne founded The Roseanne Barr Foundation, in association with ACORN (Association of Community Organizations for Reform Now), a non-profit organization to establish a building materials cooperative in the New Orleans neighborhood of Gentily, part of the Gulf Coast region of Louisiana devastated by Hurricanes Katrina and Rita in 2005.
Roseanne made her national television debut as a standup comedian on The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson in 1985. It was during this routine that she presented her now infamous comic persona, the Domestic Goddess, based on the vagaries and petty injustices associated with being a housewife.
Roseanne's claim to fame was producing and starring in Roseanne. (ABC, 1988-97)
Roseanne hosted CMT: 40 Sexiest Videos, a Country Music Television special, in 2004.
Roseanne ranked #9 on Comedy Central's 100 Greatest Stand-Ups Of All Time which aired in 2004.
Roseanne's yearly salary while working on the ABC comedy series, Roseanne, was as follows: Seasons 1 and 2– $2,500,000; Seasons 3 and 4– $5,000,000; Seasons 5 and 6– $7,500,000; Seasons 7 and 8– $10,000,000; and Season 9– $13,000,000.
Roseanne's parents, Jerry Barr and Helen Barr, sold blankets and crucifixes, door-to-door, to support her and her younger siblings, Geraldine, Stephanie and Ben.
Roseanne was awarded an Emmy for Best Actress in a Comedy Series for her portrayal of a blue collar housewife and mother in the groundbreaking ABC sitcom, Roseanne, in 1993. She was also nominated in the same category in 1992, 1994, and 1995.
Roseanne worked as a guest editor for New Yorker magazine.
Roseanne sustained a serious head injury on September 17, 1968, when she was struck by a car as she crossed the street. She was thrown in the air and came down on the front of vehicle where the hood ornament pierced the back of her head. The severity of the head trauma caused headaches, memory loss, problems with concentration, and mental anguish, which led to her an 8-month confinement in the Utah State Hospital in Provo.
Roseanne was only eighteen years old when she gave birth in a Denver unwed mothers' home to illegitimate daughter, Brandi (Brown), whom she named Elisia and gave up for adoption. Nearly eighteen years later, they were reunited and reconciled publically. Roseanne has four other children: Jessica, Jennifer and Jake from her sixteen year marriage to first husband, Bill Pentland, and Buck Thomas, with her former body guard and third husband, Ben Thomas.
Roseanne married Bill Pentland on February 4, 1974; sixteen years later, they were divorced. Four days after the decree was handed down, she married comedian/actor, Tom Arnold (January 16, 1990). Her second marriage lasted only four years. On February 14, 1995, she tied the knot a third time, marrying her former bodyguard, Ben Thomas. In 2002, that marriage also ended in divorce.
Roseanne: (about being next in line to be "roasted" on 'The Comedy Central Roast of Roseanne,' August 4, 2012) All I can say is good luck finding anything about me to make fun of. I mean, I've never made a mistake or offended anyone in my life!
Roseanne: (during a December 2010 interview with celebrity news magazine 'Entertainment Weekly' at which time she claims to be seriously considering running for U.S. President in 2012) I figured out that becoming President of the United States is really just about giving a speech, and then you don't really have to do anything else.
Roseanne: (thrice wed, advising brides) Take this marriage thing seriously-- it has to last all the way to the divorce.
Roseanne: (revealing her thoughts on Chris Brown after he was accused of beating his ex-girlfriend Rihanna) Chris Brown's lies and excuses make me want to beat the c**p out of him, he uses the language of the perpetrator just like every sleazy b*****d who ever smacked his wife, kid, mother or girlfriend around uses.
Roseanne: (announcing her presidential decrees if she were elected in 2008) Triple teachers' and policemen's pay and raise the bar accordingly.
Establish a union of the working poor with the Attorney General as their lawyer.
Replace Organized Religion with strict observance and enforcement of the Golden Rule during my first administration.
Foreign policy statement: "Hey, how's it going? We're your global neighbors. Here's our number if you need something."
Back our currency with yummy baked goods.
Abolish the IRS.
Birth control in the water supply for the the first two years of my administration.
All sewer and septic tank maintenance performed by convicted corporate criminals.
All medical testing performed on child molesters and animal abusers.
Minimum weight for supermodels: 140 lbs.
Roseanne: I always thought that Johnny Carson was just awesome, when I was a kid. And, I-I was... uh...uh...My father would reward me if I was good by letting me watch the monologs till 10:35, and, um, so, I always tried to be good so I could watch Johnny Carson. He always made you feel like you were there and everything was understandable and you were part of it.
Roseanne: (about growing up Jewish in a working class neighborhood in a heavily Mormon community) It was unbelievably terrible. We were all so Jewish, which was terrible. And then, we were poor and I was fat, so, I guess it was like, uh-- (laughs) I guess like a non-ending thing.
Roseanne: (when Tom Arnold and she were still a couple) We're really sick and horribly deranged.
Roseanne: I don't call myself a feminist, I call myself a killer b****!
Roseanne: (about animal rights) No, I don't wear real animals...in the summer.
Roseanne: I, I disagree with the President. Yes... All of them!
Roseanne: If anyone invites me, I'll go anywhere, as long as I can b**** about Bush.
Roseanne: (when asked whether the rumors were true that she was considered for Rosie O'Donnell's vacated seat on the ABC Daytime talk show, 'The View') I'd rather replace Barbara Walters.
Roseanne: (when a fan asked if she is a lesbian) Yes, but I only have sex with men ... except one time when I was 12.
Roseanne: Humor is a great way to dull the jagged edges of menopause. Humor makes everything that's big, smaller. You can first recognize it, then you name it and then you manage it.
Roseanne: (about a television comeback) I'm holding out for nudity, but nobody's offering it.
Roseanne: (joking about the intern she fired in August 2007 who falsified a series of bizarre rants on her MySpace page, claiming that the same intern had stolen her sex tape) I am offering $25,000 for [its] return, unless someone would like to distribute it-- then I am willing to deal.
Roseanne: I feel great for a fat, cranky, old left-leaning grandmother.
Roseanne: (about being touted as a possible replacement for out-spoken co-host, Rosie O'Donnell, on the daytime talk show, 'The View') I would love the chance to do that. Yeah, definitely. I think I could do a real good job. I'd stir up some real good controversy.
Roseanne: In 2027, I will be seventy-four years old, and I will be cleaning up the world's problems still, after reigning as Queen of the World for nearly ten years, at that point.
Roseanne: (about her poverty-stricken upbringing in Utah) We were poor... but we didn't know we were poor because we were stupid, too.
Roseanne: (about the Kabbalah) My studies and meditation have helped me define for myself which is the evil voice, and which is the righteous voice.
Roseanne: (about Academy Award-winning actor and film director, George Clooney, who had a brief stint as Booker Brooks on the ABC sitcom, 'Roseanne') He's a great person, he was so fun and funny. I thought he was handsome, but I didn't now he was going to be this huge, he's always just been George to me.
Roseanne: (at age forty-seven after recently losing five pounds, having a tummy tuck, and a facelift) I've never been as hot as I am now. I can't get enough of my new body.
Roseanne: It's not possible to be allergic to housework, it's an inescapable part of being female.
Roseanne: (about childhood sexual abuse) The hardest thing is to realize that you do have the power to heal, and that it can be done.
Roseanne: If you don't know that you have the power within you to change your own life, you go around trying to change everyone else, and everything else. You do not see that you, yourself, as a victim and you see everyone as victimized. You spew about justice while you feed hatred in your soul, and justice and hatred simply do not mix, ever.
Roseanne: A good mother leaves things in order, and in better shape than she found it, as well as leaving a little something behind in the bank for the future.
Roseanne: I am funnier now because I'm braver and less full of hate, so everything is even more ridiculous than it was before.
Roseanne: (about her stomach after undergoing gastric bypass surgery in 1998) It's the size of a walnut, and I still maintain my weight at 180 (pounds). I used to just gorge. Now, I gorge all day on smaller amounts. I'm still fat and I'll always be and I don't care.
Roseanne: I always act like I'm the one with the divine knowledge, and anyways, it's usually true– ask anyone who knows me.
Roseanne: (about her male customers while working as a cocktail waitress at the restaurant/bar, Brannigan's in 1980) I owe these men so much because it was because of them that I knew there was a place for me in comedy.
Roseanne: The hardest part about being an artist, I've found, is having talent.
Roseanne: I can't ever let anybody be funnier than me. I guess 'cause of my father, or something in my childhood. I just feel like this is war.
Roseanne: I really do believe that head shrinkers and people in the mental health sciences have killed or locked away every human being who really did know how to save the world.
Roseanne: I learned so much from standup. I learned about discipline, which I'd never had before in my life. I learned about language and communication, and writing. I was validating my existence on the stage, you really don't know very well how to be assertive, but in front of the audience, you gotta learn.
Roseanne: (about the disgruntled male writers of the television sitcom, 'Roseanne') They're so horrified of their mothers' power that they have to spend their whole life diminishing it.
Roseanne: (about the 1980's) I was a feminist then, a woman who takes herself seriously, a writer who believed that she was living the greatest century that ever was, a part of a movement, a movement of women that was about equal rights with men, about peace and non-violence, but mostly about dignity and self-respect, and tossing aside hurtful traditions that are about gender and roles.
Roseanne: (insisting she will wiil never have plastic surgery again) I'm all over it now. It doesn't do anything, or change anything. It's just buying into something that really isn't that good.
Roseanne: I aspired to be Gertrude Stein, or Dylan Thomas, or some poetress tragically and forlornly trying to scrape some pieces of misery off the sole of my soul and write some touching little fat girl s*** about it.
Roseanne: Sisterhood is dead. Motherhood is where it's at. Mothers: make your sons put down their weapons.
Roseanne: Sex was never any good for me for anything other than having children and keeping the gardener happy.
Roseanne: If you can't say something nice, I would probably like you.
Roseanne: The moment I walked on the stage I felt redeemed, as if I had saved my life, which kind of told me my life needed saving.
Roseanne: (about her television sitcom, 'Roseanne') This is a blue-collar show. We fire from the top, not like white-collar shows where they fire from the bottom.
Roseanne: If I hadn't found comedy, I'd probably be out killing people.
Roseanne: (about second husband-to-be, Tom Arnold) This is the man with whom I can finally be me, be totally honest. This is a man who accepts me as I am. We have fun together. He has a brilliant mind, is a brilliant writer. And he's this huge guy and me... well, we look really stupid together.
Roseanne: I often think I became a comic in order to tell the truth.
Roseanne: Every book I have is about serial killers and abnormal psychology. That's where I get my comedy. When everything is corrupt and filthy and brutal and psychotic, you will be considered normal. That's what I find funny. The things that are normal are horrific and horrifying to me.
Roseanne: (about making the transition from playing in front of a live audience on the TV sitcom, 'Roseanne', to playing just the camera in the feature film, 'She-Devil') I loved it, loved playing everything so much smaller and being able to convey something just by moving an eye. And I enjoyed knowing that in a film, the audience can see what you're thinking, rather than your having to tell them.
Roseanne: (citing a passage from the initial speech she delivered to the writers of her television sitcom, 'Roseanne') The world is run by women, contrary to what you believe–- especially the family, especially the working-class family. These women that we're doing the show about, they make no compromises. They don't kowtow to men like middle-class women do.
Roseanne: (about why she divorced her first husband, Bill Pentland) The holes in our marriage just kept growing bigger. When I finally accepted I was doing nothing but plugging holes, the marriage was over.
Roseanne: (about writing jokes) It's like automatic writing. It's all unconscious. Comedy's about the unconscious. If you can tap into that.
Roseanne: (about her TV sitcom, 'Roseanne') I know I have bigger things to do besides this.
Roseanne: (about why she was drawn to the character she portrayed in the 1989 film, 'She-Devil') Ruth was struggling in her marriage. Over the course of the film, she grows and takes control of her life, refusing throughout to be a victim. I though if I portrayed her, she might help me get my own life together and she did. Ruth influenced my decision to end my marriage (to first husband, Bill Pentland), but I don't know how or why, yet.
Roseanne: Before I perform, I cast a circle–-a magic circle–-around myself.
Roseanne: While I'm alive on earth, I'm going to create my own reality.
Roseanne: (describing her job as star and executive producer of the television comedy series, 'Roseanne') I'm a real good editor. I just edit down to get to the jokes quicker. I always make sure that everybody else has their jokes, and then I do mine. My jokes.
Roseanne: (about her television sitcom, 'Roseanne') The show was about women, gender, politics, the working class. Did I think that it would be a success? I actually did. Because I knew it was filling a void.
Roseanne: Laughter is like the last line of defense against craziness, and you can really go crazy being a mom.
Roseanne: (about the blue-collar perspective of the 2005 television sitcom, 'My Name Is Earl,' missing on TV since her Emmy Award-winning series, 'Roseanne') That's a long time waiting for somebody to pick up the thing I tried to do.
Roseanne: Standup comedy is the last holdout for freedom of speech. It's a great blessing to be able to do it, and I love doing it.
Roseanne: (about leaving her hell-raising days behind) In my inner search, I learned about all the stuff I'd felt justified to spread around.. I never had any justification to do the things I did. But, it sure was fun. Now, I'm shocking people by not being shocking.
Roseanne: I like the way Bush denies everything real.
Roseanne: (at a recent stand-up comedy performance of hers) What a privilege it is to have me here.
Roseanne: (about her failed reality show and reality shows in general) Like I said in my act, one thing I learned from that show is that fake reality sucks, too. It was all fake, there's nothing real about any of them. My sitcom, (Roseanne), was more reality than any of these reality shows. They are all just fake. They might be on a desert island eating rats, but there's a craft service table like three feet away for the crew.
Roseanne: It's pretty funny, really, our leaders actually believe they've been picked by God to blow everybody up. The actions of our leaders around the world have nothing to do with God, it's people and evil and hate. But, it's funny they call it God.
Roseanne: (about unconventionally singing 'The Star-Spangled Banner' before a San Diego Padres baseball game in Jack Murphy Stadium in 1990) I regret ever going there, I regret it came out like it did, you know. I was trying to be funny. Sometimes, you can't tell if it's funny or not, I guess. I learned that. I was too hip for the room, I think.
Roseanne: I have the coolest family in the world. We're really honest with each other, we have great relationships. We're funny. We laugh all the time, we're not living in denial or hate. We're conscious and it's awesome.
Roseanne: (about her failed television comeback attempts) I shot my mouth off all over the place and it always came back to bite me in the butt by cancelled shows and bad relationships.
Roseanne: (about America's obsession with physical appearance) Well, it's so funny because the fatter we get, the more we want "our stars" to be skinny.
Roseanne: (about touring college campuses with her standup comedy) It reignited my passion– I was like "God this is awesome!" You get up in front of 7,000 smart kids and make 'em laugh. It was just fantastic!
Roseanne: (about the aftermath of her ill-received performance of the Star-Spangled Banner at a San Diego Padres baseball game in 1990) I felt for a long time they censored me because of the people I spoke for. They didn't want to hear anything about class or minimum wage or what people like Roseanne and Dan Conner (characters from her Emmy Award-winning sitcom, Roseanne) are going through.
Roseanne: I've belonged to every religion there is. They're all a bunch of crap. But, I like Kabbalah for the meditation.
Roseanne: I like the whole study of what makes somebody crazy and what makes somebody sane and where the line is drawn.
Roseanne: (faking a George Bush stance) I'm glad Bush vetoed the ban on assault weapons because you never know when God's gonna call on you to kill an abortion doctor.
Roseanne: (about her breast augmentation) Actually, I only have one breast. I just part it down the middle.
Roseanne: (about excesses in America) Oh, I've totally lived them.
Roseanne: (about her ambitions to do another sitcom) One great show is enough for me. I thought I had something great in mind other times, but one's enough in the end. I did it.
Roseanne: (about having had numerous plastic surgeries) But, yeah, I went through a real crazy "woo-hoo" having my head completely turned around. You lose your balance when you get that famous and that rich– and, I was probably the least prepared to handle that than anyone on earth. I came from pretty working class poverty, and it was so overnight.
Roseanne: I miss PMS. It was the only time of the month I could be myself.
Roseanne: (about ex-husband, Tom Arnold) Tom's somebody I don't have any interest in, other than to wish him well.
Roseanne: I would definitely consider a feature film role, and I would even do a nude scene, if it was important to the plot.
Roseanne: (about her film career) Everybody says I gave up too easy. I'm always sayin' I'm gonna write one and I talk to directors. But, when I face the prospect of sitting in that (make-up) chair for ten hours a day, I can't do it. Maybe if something good comes along, like everybody says, or there's a good nude scene for me.
Roseanne: The Enquirer is the most powerful piece of literature in this country.
Roseanne: (about the molestation allegations against her parents) I'll write about that someday. I don't want to talk about it now. But, yes, I did do that, and I regret doing that.
Roseanne: (about making her first stand-up special in over a decade with HBO's 'Roseanne Barr: Blonde and B****in', which debuted in January 2006) I feel like I'm leaving a real period of struggle.
Roseanne: When someone's nice to you, after or when you've been abused, you tend to take the smallest kind thing that they've done for you and make the world out of it.
Roseanne: If it weren't for homosexuals, us fat women would have no one to dance with.
Roseanne: (citing a reason why she underwent plastic surgery) My face was so bad. Every time I looked in the mirror, I looked like my dad, and I couldn't stand it.
Roseanne: (about her second husband, Tom Arnold) Tom, you see, was the Daniel Boone of alternative lifestyles.
Roseanne: I'm always at the edge of collapse, in this world, when I think about how fragile everything is, and how we, like spiders and ants and bees, spend our lives trying to create safety, a web, a hill, a hive, and yet, there is no such thing, and realizing this, I will, for a while, feel great hollow.
Roseanne: I used to think Mexican music was the worst god****** music in the world until I came to Hawaii.
Roseanne: (about growing up with a bully father who wanted to be a comedian) So I just kind of grew a part of me that was very aggressive in a comedic way. Because if I dared to be aggressive and wasn't funny, I would be hurt badly. But, if it was funny, he would laugh. It was really weird.
Roseanne: (When Carsey-Werner approached her about having her own television sitcom) I wanna do it. Let's do it– NOW!
Roseanne: I always understood that the women in my family were not assuming any of the power that was inherently theirs. They apologized for it. It always appalled me, and it still appalls me.
Roseanne: I like kids better than I like humans. They're honest, they only laugh when stuff's funny. They never laugh 'cause of your politics and they never laugh 'cause they're trying to kiss your butt.
Roseanne: Comics are the greatest d**** people on earth, never really too secure. In the end, all the best things to do in life usually end up in humiliation, arrest, or nudity, anyway.
Roseanne: (about watching future husband Tom Arnold's comedic stage performance for the first time) And I was in awe because I thought I was the only one who wasn't trying to be like Steve Martin or Jerry Seinfeld.
Roseanne: Prostitutes are just glorified housewives anyway, I used to say.
Roseanne: I like to bring down the sacred cows.
Roseanne: (about performing on a 'real' stage for the first time) I had that great feeling that I was all there, totally present. It made up for how wretched my life had been until then.
Roseanne: I was always funny.
Roseanne: My mother always said more in the spaces between the words than the words themselves...
Roseanne: (when asked in 1995 why she wanted another child) I want to keep doing it until I get it a hundred percent right.
Roseanne: I cared the most, that's how I knew I'd end up with everyone else waving the white flags and not me, that's how I knew I'd be the last person standing when it was all over.
Roseanne: Working-class people have to work really, really hard for just the smallest thing, so they are stronger. They're more into God, more into community, more into family than middle-class people are. Totally. Middle-class people are fearful of losing. So everything is about a fear of loss. When everything's based on money, everything's for sale, including their integrity and their morals.
Roseanne: It isn't a choice. You don't decide "I'm going to be offensive or do something that upsets people." It just happens.
Roseanne: I loved my grandmother more than any other human being because she never lied, never told you wanted to hear, never compromised. She had a healthy hatred for all living human beings, all systems of government, all religions, except her own, of course, which was based on her intolerance of humanity with a little Judaism thrown in.
Roseanne: I am an overweight overachiever with a few dandy compulsive-obsessive disorders and a little problem with self-mutilation.
Roseanne: Like vampires and night creatures, we wander the earth, alone, haunted, not owning a body, just temporarily inhabiting one. Crazy all the way.
Roseanne: I have more money than God, but not as much as Oprah.
Roseanne: (about why she had to go back to using her last name) I was in Paris, and they detained me for several hours and asked me why I had one name and who I was, and I was screaming, 'I'm a huge star!' So, then I saw this American and I go, 'Could you tell them who I am?' He goes, 'It's Rosie O'Donnell.'
Roseanne: (about her pursuit of spirituality) When I leave this earth, I'd like to not go to hell.
Roseanne: Food is a great equalizer. I like to go to different ethnic people's houses and eat their food and, like, thereby promote world peace.
Roseanne: I've got five kids. I come from working class people. I've got to go to work every day, get up, wake my kid, make breakfast, wash my own dishes. I have to live my beliefs every day, or just turn into a jerk.
Roseanne: (about the United States government) I don't think either party really gives a damn about us, I want to start another party-- a party devoted to solar energy and all that.
Roseanne: (about returning to stand-up comedy) Then 911 brought me back, I had to make people laugh. It's a calling.
Roseanne: Women should try to increase their size rather than decrease it, because I believe the bigger we are, the more space we'll take up, and the more we'll have to be reckoned with.
Roseanne: The thing women have yet to learn is nobody gives you power. You just take it.
Roseanne: My husband and I didn't sign a pre-nuptial agreement. We signed a mutual suicide pact.
Roseanne: My hope is that gays will be running the world, because then there would be no war. Just a greater emphasis on military apparel.
Roseanne: My daughter made me a Jerry Springer-watching kit, with crackers, Cheez Whiz, polyester stretch pants and a T-shirt with two fat women fighting over a skinny guy.
Roseanne: I was completely nuts for most of my life.
Roseanne: I hate every human being on earth. I feel that everyone is beneath me, and I feel they should all worship me. That's what I told my kids. I think I must have been Adolf Hitler in a past life.
Roseanne: Experts say you should never hit your children in anger. When is a good time? When you're feeling festive?
Roseanne: I think people really need to start AGAIN listening to what moms have to say.
Roseanne: Like, when people are like younger than you, don't you hate 'em right away?!?
Roseanne: I'm like, use to being the young hippie that went against the Establishment thing. But now, it's like, I AM that; I just gotta be okay with it.
Roseanne: (about the United States Government) Everything's crazy. That's why I'm hoping that the people that fix the elections will let a Democrat in next time.
Roseanne: The rich people like to hang out with the rich people; they don't give a damn about everybody else, and that's the bottom line.
Roseanne: And, ah, ya know, there's been a war on the Middle Class and the working class people for a long, long time, and now, people like Roseanne and Dan Conner, who could afford a house and to send their children to college, they don't exist anymore, and I really want people to wake up to that fact, that working people, I mean, it's a race to the bottom. All-all the wages are going down and all the rich people are getting richer and richer and richer.
Roseanne: I'm pro-divorce!
Roseanne: (about having had rhinoplasty) Well like, now my nose always runs. So, whatever you do, it costs something. So, ya-ya know, now I have a runny nose, but, hell, I look good!
Roseanne: (about undergoing plastic surgery) It hurt like hell!
Roseanne: (when asked if she would ever do another television sitcom like 'Roseanne') No! I'm way too old; too crabby; TOO everything!
Roseanne: I'm gonna stop dying my hair and go all the way gray. I wanna look old cuz I am old. And, it's damn good to be old, too.
Roseanne: (at 54 years old) I'm coming into that age where I DO want to say what I think all the time and I think people aught to listen and I do have every single answer there is and the ones you ain't got, I got, and the ones you ain't got, I got, too!
Roseanne: I loved Mae West, and I totally "got" her, since I was little.
Roseanne: (about her gay following) They kinda think I'm funny. I think they're funny, too.
Roseanne: Sometimes, I'm NOT the nicest person.
Roseanne: (about Mel Gibson) Leave the guy alone! I say the worst things about Jews when I'm drunk.
Roseanne: My dad was THE funniest human being that I ever met in my whole life.
Roseanne: No, I never did go to high school. I was just lucky, I guess.
Roseanne: I say, I don't know where that line is between between mental illness, and just being Jewish is.
Roseanne: I was like, you know what mental illness is like? Kinda like, it's kinda like the same thing as being mean.
Roseanne: Minding your own business and shuttin' the "F" up are, like, the greatest things in the world.
Roseanne: I went out of my way, it's like, I went out of my way to ruin all my relationships with men. Like, I didn't even have to, but I did.
Roseanne: The fact that my grown kids like to hang out with me, I mean, it just- I don't think it really can get any better than that, I don't think.
Roseanne: (when asked by Ellen on "The Ellen Degeneres Show" what made her come back to stand-up comedy) I can't just sit here, rich like this, forever!
Roseanne: I consider myself to be a pretty good judge of people...that's why I don't like any of them.
Roseanne: (talking about her intention when making her hit television sitcom, "Roseanne") Hey, I just wanted to put a voice to the average, American, working mother.
Roseanne: (Interview with Edgar Arce, 2004) Well its been a few years now and I've done some crazy stuff you know... but I reconnected with what made me famous, with that show and that family, and I went back to my stand up where I can be myself completely.
Roseanne: I'm a comic, and I'm supposed to outrage and make people laugh, Part of makin' people laugh is to shake up their thinkin'. That's what I came here to do.
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User Score: 7
User Score: 5
User Score: 4
User Score: 2
User Score: 2
User Score: 2
User Score: 2
User Score: 2
User Score: 2
User Score: 2
User Score: 2
User Score: 2
User Score: 2
User Score: 1