Ryan Stiles

Ryan: I look like Walt Disney just threw up.

Ryan: That is raw dough. Never eat raw dough. They can make worms in your tummy. Worms in your tummy.

Ryan: You know, I've got a confession to make myself. I'm not really a priest, I've just got my shirt on backwards.

Ryan: It's the mummy from Canada.

Ryan: Well, I'd like to thank everyone who made this...what? Satan is my master?

Ryan: I'm Jim Phillips, I have multiple personalities. I'm also a skindiver, a puppeteer, and I was the tenth president of the United States.

Ryan: Ladies and gentlemen you'll hear a lot of rumors about stars, how much they make...Drew Carey for instance a lot of people say he made forty-five million dollars last year. After he pays taxes he's lucky if he clears thirty million ladies and gentlemen. A man has to eat! Please, Gary Coleman is a security guard! Send your money now!

Ryan: The sky, the sky beyond the door is blue.

Ryan: The cat! Stop it with the cat!

Ryan: Back off or the lizard gets it!

Ryan: Songs of the beekeeper, a very lonely profession. That's why we have four thousand songs... on four thousand CD's.

Ryan: The first rule to living in America is 'Stop tap dancing, you fool!'.

Ryan: I hope they aren't mating.

Ryan: I'm saying its already chewed.

Ryan: You're just a chicken, but what the cluck?

Ryan: Only your chicken impression can save us now!

Ryan: If I were as much of a man as my woman, I'd be my wife.

Ryan: What do I do when we're not taping? Sit in a dark room and refine my plans for someday ruling Earth from a blimp. And chess.

Ryan: Unless you're Drew Carey and get it free from Warner Brothers!

Ryan: And now I'm stuck with a very very huge man whose name happens to be Mo. Oh, Mo.

Ryan: When it comes to making love, I may not be the best, but I'm damn gouda.

Ryan: Care to be touched by an angel?

Ryan: If I could rap, that would be a sensation, but I can't, you see, I'm just a Caucasian.

Ryan: We're evil Smurfs, we're evil Smurfs, we're evil, evil evil Smurfs!

Ryan: Never trust sheep.

Ryan: I can't sprinkle sprinkles on. I lose control when I have sprinkles. I'm shaky. I still remember the great sprinkle accident of 1982.

Ryan: I put it on my head like so, and I look like Jiffy Pop. That's why I say, Jiffy Pop.

Ryan: If I were but a man who would be tall, I would be me.

Ryan: If I were a man with gills, I would be a fish!

Ryan: It goes in, it comes out; it goes in, it comes out.

Ryan: I'm going to buy some green bananas because by the time I get home they'll be ripe.

Ryan: Now that finishes the second coat, now, why don't we just take a few minutes and, watch it dry.

Ryan: Good evening, and welcome to another episode of "Bob Breathes".

Ryan: We've-lost with the ship sir. It seemed to just--slip away.

Ryan: Look! Its a banana split!

Ryan: Jim's escaping through the hole in the wall! The hole in the wall! Jim's escaping...

Ryan: If I were like your mother, I would be a woman.

Ryan: And over in Oregon, there's... It's on fire! Oregon's On FIRE!

Ryan: Never interrupt me when I'm eating a banana.

Ryan: Why does everything you say sound sexual?

Ryan: I don't know I work for the company so I just grab all the free ones.

Ryan: I voted for myself. I wanted to get the hell out of here.

Ryan: Are those your final points?

Ryan: (as E.T.) E.T. want lap dance.

Ryan: That's never going to make it to air. . . if you know what I mean.

Ryan: I'd rather drive the yellow brick road, you wouldn't happen to know of a rental car place around.

Ryan: Apperantly we have a special bonus it's one of Drew Carey's cue card that has never been read!