Susan Sullivan

Susan Sullivan: (on the fame that comes with a TV hit) I don't think I ever wanted fame. When I'd go on talk shows, it was so terrifying being with Johnny Carson. You knew you were supposed to be quick-witted, so I'd do this self-deprecating - I'd put myself down before they'd start in on me. That's also about shame, about not feeling entitled to have what you have. It's very complicated, and I think a lot of actors feel this way. It's the ambivalence. It's 'I'm out there and I want to be successful.' It's 'I don't feel worthy and I don't want to be hurt.'

Susan Sullivan: (on why she became an actress) As a little girl, 5 years old, I was in a Brownie show. It was one of those seminal moments for me. I came from a very chaotic, dysfunctional, alcoholic-father background that a lot of artists come out of, and to construct order I'd do little plays, because there was form and shape to my acting in them. So I wiggled, I winked at the mothers, and recently I remembered a moment I hadn't thought of in 30 years. I mean, I'm a narcissist, as all actors are to varying degrees on the pendulum, and when I did that little Brownie show, I remember this little girl pointing, saying, 'There she is, there's the showoff.' Sometimes these things come up on you and you don't know how they fit together. Here I am doing Buffalo Gal and this memory has come up. As I learn this role, I think I understand the reason for it.

Susan Sullivan: (On actor's insecurities) This is a very important aspect of what it means to be an actor - maybe younger actors aren't as burdened with this as I've been. I live and share my life with a wonderful man, a psychologist and author, Connell Cowan. He took a continuing-education course on narcissism, desire, and shame. Now, I'd just done this TV pilot in which I played an old kind of diva actress who really thinks she's grand. She sings - and I don't sing - in the pilot. I did it, and yes, it was fun, but I was so embarrassed by it. I said to Connell that I felt depressed after I did this big number and everybody applauded, regardless of whatever they thought of it. I said, 'I don't know what this is; maybe I don't really want to be an actor anymore.' He said, 'You feel shame.' And, you know, he was right: I was feeling shame because I didn't quite feel entitled to be a showoff, which is part of what you are as an actor.