Tim Conway

Tim: As a kid I was short and only weighed 95 pounds. And though I was active in a lot of Sports and got along with most of the guys, I think I used comedy as a defense mechanism. You know making someone laugh is a much better way to solve a problem than by using your fists.

Tim: At first I wanted to be a jockey. I rode horses in Cleveland but I kept falling off and I was afraid of horses. So there wasn't much of a future in it.

Tim: Both Harvey [Korman] and I like to keep in touch with Carol [Burnett]. We try to see her at least once a month, because she's got a drive-Up ATM window at her house. And we like to go and pick up some cash.

Tim: Carol [Burnett] is a wonderful, giving person; she had a personal interest in everyone around the show, including the stagehands and the ushers. And then we didn't do a lot of rehearsal, so the material stayed fresh. It was really a lot like doing a live show.

Tim: Don Knotts was a really big influence, especially on the Steve Allen Show. I mean, look at the guy, his entire life is in his face.

Tim: Every show wants to be like Friends, and so you've got these shows that literally are so much alike you could stack them on top of each other.

Tim: Harvey is a hypochondriac and a worrywart and I give him plenty to worry about.

Tim: Harvey never had an original idea or thought in his life. I was out wandering around the country doing charity benefits, mainly, when I asked him to come along.

Tim: I don't see anything wrong with what's going on in this country today, so I don't really think much of it. It's not something I watch.

Tim: I don't watch a lot of TV anymore. A lot of it isn't the kind of thing you can feel comfortable with watching with your kids. And I still feel that way even though, now, my kids are in their 30s.

Tim: I figure you're only here for a matter of moments. Ever since I was a kid watching movies I've always wanted to make people laugh or have some sort of emotional reaction.

Tim: I like to work a lot with wood. I make furniture that falls apart. I also sew.

Tim: I love doing my own material.

Tim: I play the saxophone. I know one song, and I play it over and over again all night long until the neighbors start to scream.

Tim: I was born in Willoughby, but I was immediately whisked off to Chagrin Falls, where I grew up.

Tim: I've known Harvey for over 40 years and I worked with him on the Burnett show for 11 years. I guess you could say we're about as close as you can get to being a comedy team.

Tim: I've never really taken anything very seriously. I enjoy life because I enjoy making other people enjoy it.

Tim: If only my folks had beaten me, I could have gotten some material about my miserable childhood. But as it is, I've had a great life.

Tim: My career is pretty much over. I'm out in the Valley eating soft-boiled eggs.

Tim: My mother was a seamstress, and I watched her sew growing up. So now I make clothes for my 2-year-old granddaughter that don't fit her. I also make all of Harvey's suits.

Tim: Nowadays they have 12 directors and 15 producers and 30 writers. And all the writers want their lines said a certain way--which isn't necessarily funny. I mean the lines aren't necessarily so funny to begin with.

Tim: People enjoy sitting back knowing they won't hear a lot of four-letter words.

Tim: Richard Pryor's characterizations were brilliant, and his language was really a part of him. For most comedians today, though, the language is just so casual. Now all you need is a brick wall and a mike and you're a comedian.

Tim: When I watch TV, I'm embarrassed by some of what's on.

Tim: You can't TV surf without coming across an Andy of Mayberry episode where you've just got to watch Don as Barney. That's why I put Don in several of my movies.