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Wanda: (On birthers and Donald Trumps attack on President Obama about his birth certificate) I feel sorry for 'em, they're just sad,... ...I love that they're hanging it on 'Well, he's not from this country' when they should just face it: You're having issues because a black man is president. That's what it is, and you need to deal with that, to work with that.
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Wanda: (On the passage of Proposition 8 in California) I got pissed off,... ...They pissed me off. I said, 'You know what? Now I gotta get in your face.' And that's what we all have to do now. They pissed off the wrong group of people. They have galvanized a community...Instead of having gay marriage in California, we're going to get it across the country.
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Wanda: I guess because of my act, people think that I say things they want to say and that they can just come up and say anything to me. That bugs me. But I'd rather have people come up and want me to meet me than have them ignore me.
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Wanda: Once you start making money, you can be an ass. But I am not an ass. I'm too lazy, that takes a lot of energy.
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Wanda: Don't get stuck, if you feel like there's something out there that you're supposed to be doing, if you have a passion for it, then stop wishing, and just do it. The worst you could be is wrong.
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Wanda: I just did the voice of a skunk in Over The Hedge and a cow in Barnyard I'm worried. I'm starting to think maybe people would rather hear me than see me.
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Wanda: A woman would pitch a joke. Nothing. Then a guy would pitch it and everybody would laugh.
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Wanda: Actually, I majored in marketing and I have a bachelor of science.
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Wanda: And then also I think it's harder for women because comedy is so opposite of being ladylike.
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Wanda: Back then, I was doing more of my impression of what a comic is supposed to do.
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Wanda: Bush and Cheney have this whole thing where if you talk about America, if you talk about them, then you're anti-American.
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Wanda: But I think funny and talent will always win out; I mean, of course there are hurdles, but I think if you're funny you will get over all of that.
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Wanda: But I understand that relationship; I understand how the mother-in-law, daughter-in-law relationship has so many conflicts because it's so forced.
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Wanda: But I'd rather have people come up and want to meet me than have them ignore me.
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Wanda: But sometimes the women writers will pitch something and I'll hear it, but the men will keep talking.
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Wanda: Don't bother me while I'm eating, or when I'm coming out of the crackhouse or something. Just let me get going.
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Wanda: I always want to go back and do stand-up; I like the freedom.
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Wanda: I don't know if it's a woman's tone of voice or training. Maybe guys are like, When I go home, I have to hear it. Right now I'm at work.
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Wanda: I guess because of my act, people think that I say things they want to say, and that they can just come up and say anything to me.
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Wanda: I have a funny family, but none of them are remotely in show business.
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Wanda: I like doing a bunch of different things, being all over the place.
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Wanda: I love Costas. He's knows too much, but he's a good guy.
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Wanda: I love Richard Pryor.
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Wanda: I noticed recently, in the last few shows I did, that I'm starting to get people - not a large group, but quite a few people - who come to see me because they love Curb Your Enthusiasm.
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Wanda: I sat down and wrote some jokes and went to the talent show, got up on stage, fell in love with it and never turned back.
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Wanda: I think it's because my comedy is in your face, and it comes from a place that's real.
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Wanda: I thought I'd regret Pootie Tang, but it turns out football players are huge fans. So that got me in great with the ballplayers.
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Wanda: I was a Chinese chef at one of those fast-food places.
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Wanda: I was really gifted at being able to construct a joke, but it's like they weren't even memorable, my first jokes, because they were so about nothing.
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Wanda: I was working on a couple of projects that would keep me involved in Desert Storm. I was in the mix, which is scary.
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Wanda: I work hard. The staff and crew see how much energy I put into this project, and it makes them step up.
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Wanda: I'm a big Cosby fan. I respect the man.
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Wanda: I'm here today because I hated everything else.
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Wanda: I'm here today because I refused to be unhappy. I took a chance.
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Wanda: I'm really funny now.
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Wanda: If I was still in government, I don't know where I'd be today. Maybe... president?
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Wanda: If something stinks, I say it stinks. But I try to massage it a little and not be as cutting, come behind it with a joke: Hey, I cut you deep, but now let me put a couple of stitches in you.
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Wanda: If you feel like there's something out there that you're supposed to be doing, if you have a passion for it, then stop wishing and just do it.
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Wanda: If you're passionate about your work, it makes the people around you want to be involved too.
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Wanda: In '87, I used to do this awful, awful James Brown impression.
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Wanda: It seems like when I first started, people got into comedy because they wanted to be good comedians.
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Wanda: It wasn't until I became more confident with myself and I put myself forward instead of the jokes; at first it was put the jokes out there and I'm just behind the jokes.
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Wanda: It's easier to rip somebody to shreds while you're making them laugh.
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Wanda: It's hard to get fired from the government. You have to, like, kill people.
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Wanda: Men don't hear women.
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Wanda: Now, I think the people who are still doing stand-up are doing it because they love stand-up.
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Wanda: Some government workers are dedicated and work hard, but most of them are just waiting to retire.
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Wanda: That word sassy - it haunts me. I keep getting the sassy thing.
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Wanda: The studio gives you a set of notes, and then the network gives you a set of notes. I don't see how anyone does it.
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Wanda: Then you had people who wanted to get into comedy just to get a TV deal.
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Wanda: Usually, there's nothing being thrown toward the stage or at me. Then I feel pretty good about it.
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Wanda: What drives the creative person is that we see it all.
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Wanda: Yeah, I had top-secret clearance and everything.