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A MESSAGE FROM THE VICE PRESIDENT: George Bush says that he is not a wimp, and that he has staged a coup. (Carvey)

MONOLOGUE: Candice Bergen talks about her pet turkey, and how she learned the hard way that they can't fly. (Bergen)

PUMPING UP WITH HANS & FRANZ: Hans and Franz belittle flabby Helmut. (Carvey, Hartman, Hartman (VO), Nealon)

ANNE BOLEYN: Anne Boleyn wants to hear about all of the choices she has in picking her execution. (Bergen, Dunn, Hartman, Lovitz, Miller, Tom Davis (VO))

MANUFACTURERS OF MACHINE PART COMPONENTS UNITED TO SAVE OUR COURTS: Judge Anthony Kennedy's stand on machine part components may take him out of office.

POSITIVE ETHNIC ROLE MODEL: Ching Chang tries to convince a customer that he is not a gross stereotype. (Bergen, Carvey, Dunn, Hartman)

"WE ALL SLEEP ALONE": (Cher)

WEEKEND UPDATE: Dennis Miller can't debate Mikhail Gorbachev's address. (Miller)

THE FIRST THANKSGIVING: The first Thanksgiving was made possible by a brothel to entice the Native Americans. (Bergen, Sydney Biddle Barrows, Carvey, Dunn, Hartman, Hooks, Jackson, Lovitz)

COUNTRY THROUGH & THROUGH: Musician is ashamed to be from the country. (Carvey)

"I FOUND SOMEONE": (Cher)

THOUGHT BALLOONS: Married couple's thought balloons show what they are really thinking. (Bergen, Hartman, Nealon)

THE PEEPING TOM: Mace's empty threats go unadhered by an unrelenting peeping tom looking in on his sexual encounter. (Hartman, Hooks, Lovitz, Nealon)