Title Explanation: "My Student" refers to the Medical Student J.D. is assigned to. (edit) The CEO of the corporation that runs Sacred Heart Hospital is Whittaker Chambers (named after the key witness in the Alger Hiss trials). (edit)

J.D.'s narration: I think a lot of us freak out when med students come because it feels like being forced to accept new people into your family. It changes everything. Me, I was more struck by how these newbies made me look at myself. Who I used to be (shows Josh), who I am now (shows himself) and who I might some day become (shows Dr. Cox). But hopefully, not too soon. (edit) Dr. Cox: You wanna know something?
Kristen: What?
Dr. Cox: I feel like I'm using you to get past another person.
Kristen: That's not as sexy as you think it is. (edit) Kristen: Perry?
Dr. Cox: Actually, I prefer Dr. Cox. (edit) Turk: Dr. Cox, you are an attending, so you should know it's highly inappropriate for you to be sniffing around this woman all day! And you! You are a med student who should be learning from me, but every time I turn around, you're talking to him. So I'm telling you, I forbid you to get involved with that guy.
Kristen: Sorry, doctor.
Dr. Cox: You do realise that you just effectively signed your own death warrant.
Turk: Dude, do you, like, know any women at all?
(Scene shifts to Dr. Cox' apartment)
Kristen: Hi. I know we're not supposed to be seeing each other, but... (edit) Dr. Cox: Sorry we got interrupted before.
Kristen: It's okay.
Dr. Cox: Where were we?
Kristen: I told you my parents were still married, then you yelled at me.
Dr. Cox: Right. Of course I did. That's me all over.
Kristen: Why are you washing your hands?
Dr. Cox: I don't honestly know. (edit) Elliot: Hello, Philip.
Philip: Lemon head.
Elliot: Yeah, I get it, 'cause of the hair. (edit) J.D.'s narration: It's hard trying to figure out how to reach somebody. The thing is to think of someone I look up to and remember how they got through to me. (edit) J.D.: Josh, this is completely crazy.
Josh: You told me I shouldn't be a doctor.
J.D.: Kidding... Josh. You know what? Forget all of that. You have to hang in there. Now, I promise you, I am gonna help you. So, what do you say?
Josh: I know what you're trying to do. My whole life, people have felt sorry for me.
J.D.: Why would anyone feel sorry for you?
Josh: I'm clumsy, I'm always throwing up and I don't even have an ass!
J.D.: Those are the same things I was dealing with when I started here. Except for the ass part. I actually have a great ass. It's firm like mutton. (edit) Elliot: Philip, I was wondering if you could write out this discharge summary.
Philip: Where's the fun?
Elliot: Excuse me?
Philip: From now on, when you're wondering whether I'll do something, ask yourself, "Where's the fun?" It'll be a timesaver for both of us.
Elliot: I'm betting that if you were really honest with yourself, you'd realise how unsatisfying it is to ride on your father's coattails.
Philip: No, I'm okay with it. (edit) Turk: Okay. So you're having a little trouble asking out Kristen. It's no shame. It's not a problem.
Dr. Cox: Whoa there, Curly. I got no problem asking a woman out. Watch this. (To a passing nurse) Wanna have a drink sometime?
Nurse: No.
Dr. Cox: Good. See? I'm fine over here.
Turk: Okay. You know how men are always talking about themselves? Well, apparently, women like to talk about themselves even more.
Dr. Cox: Oh! Thank you, Sensei. You've touched me deeply.
Turk: Okay. You can be cynical if you want, but I'm telling you and being honest with you, if you get Kristen to talk about herself, it's on. It's on and poppin'. And if that doesn't work, you simply do what I do.
Dr. Cox: Which is what exactly?
Turk: (Drops his pants and shows his underwear) Show her the booty!
Dr. Cox: No. No. No. You put that away. Oh! Think of the children. (edit) J.D.: (About Josh) It's not my fault he failed.
Carla: He didn't fail. You did. You're supposed to be his teacher.
Janitor: See, to me that sounds like it's your fault. I don't know. Shocker. Yeah. Where you going? Stay and play! (edit) J.D.: (About Josh) Even nurse Roberts says he's the most incompetent young doctor she's worked with.
Carla: Hey, Laverne, what'd you say about J.D. when he first started working here?
Laverne: That he was the most incompetent young doctor I ever worked with. (edit) J.D.'s narration: After what happened, I did what any good person would do... I went looking for confirmation that it wasn't my fault.
J.D.: (Talking to Elliot) Here's what happened.
J.D.: (Talking to Laverne) He was screwing up constantly.
J.D.: (Talking to Turk) I didn't force him to quit.
J.D.: (Talking to Carla) I just don't think it's my fault he quit.
Janitor: Oh, I don't know. Most of the bad things that happen here are your fault. (edit) Josh: Dr. Dorian? Your roommate let me in. Cool dead dog. Can I pet him? I came by because I know I didn't do so great yesterday...
J.D.: What was it that tipped you off? Was it your inability to perform even the simplest task? I'll bet it was that I got home 20 minutes ago because I spent the entire night cleaning up after you.
(edit) Dr. Cox: It was really nice to meet you.
Kristen: Same here, doctor.
Turk: I'm sorry. Dr. Cox, I was gonna take Kristen out for a beer after work. Would you like to join us?
Dr. Cox: No. I can't do it. No! No. No. No.
Kristen: Is he okay?
Turk: No. Not really. (edit) Dr. Kelso: Dr. Reid, say hello to Whitaker Chambers.
Elliot: What up?
Dr. Kelso: "What up"? Whitaker Chambers is the CEO of the corporation that owns this hospital, so I suggest you stop acting like LL Cool Reid and start acting like Dr. Reid. You dig?
Elliot: But why would he want to meet me?
Philip: Hey, Dad.
Mr. Chambers: Hey, son!
Elliot: (Starting to look depressed) Oh! Poopies. (edit) J.D.: Josh, I asked you to get this guy's history an hour ago. It should've taken five minutes.
Josh: We were just talking. This guy, he is the bomb!
J.D.: Okay. Bye-bye. Moving on. Help someone else. (To the patient) I'm sorry about that.
Carla: Relax, Bambi. Be nice to Thumper. (edit) Elliot: Philip, I'm gonna need you to shave his groin so I can place a femoral triple-lumen.
Philip: Yeah, I'm not so much with the "shavin' a guy's curlies".
Elliot: It's your call, Phil. Of course, if you do go ahead and get just one bad evaluation from me, it'll pretty much torch your class rank, so I suggest you do what I tell you. And if I ask you to shave a patient's groin, thank your lucky stars that I said "shave".
Philip: (To the patient) I'll tell you what. I'll lather you up, and you start thinking about baseball. Hm! Natural redhead. (edit) J.D.: You're gonna do H & Ps, write admission orders... What are you doing?
Josh: I can't really walk and write at the same time. It makes me nauseous.
J.D.'s narration: A famous doctor once said "Show me a medical student who only triples my work and I will kiss his feet". (edit) Turk: Listen up, kid. Lesson number one: All surgical interns? They're dogs.
Kristen: Not a problem.
Todd: Hey, baby.
Kristen: Besides, this overbearing machismo is usually just a compensation for a lap-pinkie.
Turk: Oh! That's cold!
Todd: What the hell just happened?
Dr. Cox: Don't worry about it. It's all good in the 'hood. (edit) Turk: Have you seen a med student here?
Kristen: Yeah. Me.
Turk: Cool. Nice to meet you, ma'am.
Kristen: Actually, the only people that call me "ma'am" are nobody.
Turk: No. I use "ma'am" all the time. Watch. (To a passing male nurse) What up, ma'am? (Back to Kristen) See? It's my thing.
Kristen: Yeah, right. (edit) Josh: Do you ever part your hair on the wrong side to see what you look like to other people?
J.D.: No.
Josh: It totally messes everyone up. (edit) Josh: (Talking to himself in front of a mirror) Just remember to breathe and you'll get through the day.
J.D.: Josh? Hi, I'm Dr Dorian.
Josh: I know what this looks like, but...
J.D.: Oh, don't worry. I do that all the time.
Josh: Really? (edit) Carla: Know who you're getting?
Elliot: I hope I get a jerk. I took so much crap as a med student that I've been waiting for the day I get to make someone suffer.
Philip: Listen, nurse. I'm looking for a Dr. Elliot Reid.
Elliot: I'm Elliot Reid.
Philip: Guy's name, guy's job, guy's clothes... Is there anything else you wanna tell me?
Elliot: Goody! You're a jerk. (edit) J.D.: (Refering to the med students) Look how scared they are. It's like we're cheetahs and they're a pack of gazelles. (edit) J.D.'s narration: At a certain point during your first year, things begin to feel different. You've arrived, you know? You just start to feel cooler. The point is, we've found our stride. We know all the ins and outs. Let's face it. We've earned the right to be a little cocky. And I gotta tell you, nobody can take this feeling away. Nobody. Because after months of doing everyone else's scut work, we're finally not the lowest people on the totem pole. You see, today we get our very own med students. (edit) J.D.: Jerome!
Jerome: What up, dawg?
Elliot: My man!... Who the hell's Jerome? (edit) Elliot: (Referring to Turk playing basketball) Oh, my God! Turk, that was amazing!
Turk: Woman, shush.
J.D.: You see, it's a lot cooler if we don't make a big deal out of it. (edit) J.D.: You can stare at me all you want, I'm still not gonna feel bad about what I said to Josh.
Carla: (stares)
J.D.: You don't scare me, woman!
Carla: (stares)
J.D.: I'm so sorry, I'll apologise at rounds. (edit) J.D.: (About Josh) He wrote down the guy sweats when he exercises.
Patient: I do.
J.D.: I'll call Ripley's!
Carla: Relax. It's just one mistake.
(Scene shifts)
Carla: Relax, Bambi.
(Scene shifts)
Carla: It's just one mistake.
(Scene shifts)
Carla: Good night, Thumper.
Josh: Cool! Great first day, Dr. Dorian.
J.D.: (Faking) Yeah, it was.
Carla: Relax, Bambi. It's just one mistake.
J.D.: Yes, Carla. They're each one mistake. But when you put 'em all together, it makes like four million mistakes.
Carla: Did you just snap at me? (Talking to Laverne) Because I think he just snapped at me.
Laverne: U-hum.
J.D.: I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
Carla: Yeah, you are.
J.D.: Carla, I gotta go home.
Laverne: Hold it, Q-Tip. You have to co-sign all these orders, fill out a vascular consult on bed three and get a tox screen for Mrs. O'Brien.
J.D.: But Josh did all this.
Laverne: Honey, I don't think so.
(J.D. changes into Hulk) (edit) Turk: I'll need you to change the dressing on the fem bypass in 402, and DC the staples on the gastroplasty in post-op.
Kristen: I have no idea what you just said. (Turk dramatically stares at her) I'm kidding.
Dr. Cox: Looks like you won the med student raffle there, pal.
Turk: Yeah!
Dr. Cox: Introduce me.
Turk: Excuse me?
Dr. Cox: Next time we're face to face, you give me her name and then you tell her my name. Or you go: her name, my name; my name, her name. Whatever you're comfortable with.
Turk: No. You like Carla.
Dr. Cox: Do you actually listen to yourself when you speak, or do you find you drift in and out? Fine. Then, I'm gonna go ahead continue to focus all my energies on Carla. Listening. Watching. Waiting.
Turk: Dr. Cox, Kristen. Kristen, Dr. Cox. (edit) J.D.: Put your gloves on Josh I need you to get an ABG.
Josh: I... can't.
J.D.: Newbie wait...
Carla: "Newbie"?
J.D.: Shut up. Look, Josh, you're the only one who knows if you wanna be a doctor or not. But right now I kinda got my hands full. Okay? So, what do you say you put some gloves on, Shirley, and get the hell in here? (edit) Dr. Cox: Newbie, the only way you could be less productive right now is if you were, in fact the wall in which you're leaning against. Of course then you'd be providing some jackass with a wall in which to lean against and reflect on what a jackass he truely is. I know, here it's a conundrum, but don't you worry about it. I'll tackle that one right upstairs, in the meantime, you could atleast pretend to be doing some work, and right about know, even though you don't have your basket, aw it's just a terrific time for you to skip away Shirley, skip away, skip away, go head, skip away. Skip, skip, skip to my Lou woo! (edit) Dr. Kelso: Dr. Reid you talk too much. It's a problem. Now, why are you doing your med student's work?
Elliot: Well, his father...
Dr. Kelso: I hate his father. But I'm the one who has to suck up to him, not you. For God's sake, woman, show some cojones! (edit)

Approximately 1 minute 54 seconds into the episode, right after Dr. Cox calls Elliot, J.D. and Turk "Mod Squad", as they are walking away from him around the corner, J.D. lifts his arms and in the process, the top of his scrubs. His waistline shows, and you can clearly see the microphone cable running up his belly from his waistline. (edit) The intro of this episode is one single shot. (edit) J.D.'s Girl Name: Shirley (edit) In the end of the episode, when Dr. Cox is talking with Kristen in his apartment, we can perfectly see by the furniture this is not the same one used on My Mentor. (edit) As previously said, during the first season the Janitor was going to be a part of J.D.'s imagination and as such should never interact with the other characters. Nevertheless, once again we can perfectly see him interacting with other characters. In the beginning of this episode the Janitor stares at J.D. while talking on the phone, making Turk stare back at him. (edit) Featured Music:
"Attitude" by The Replacements
"High Time" by Michael Penn (edit) When Elliot and Dr. Kelso are in the closet, you can see continuity errors with Elliot's hair in each cut of that scene. (edit)

The Three Stooges:
Dr. Cox: (To Turk) Whoa there, Curly.

Curly was one of the Three Stooges, a comedy act of the first half of the 20th century. Best known for their numerous short films and a television series, The Three Stooges Show, they originally featured the three-man line-up of brothers Harry Moses Horwitz (Moe) and Samuel Horwitz (Shemp) and long-time friend Laurence Feinberg ("Larry Fine"). Shemp was later replaced by Jerome Howard (Curly) in 1932. (edit) LL Cool J:
Dr. Kelso: "What up"? Whitaker Chambers is the CEO of the corporation that owns this hospital, so I suggest you stop acting like LL Cool Reid and start acting like Dr. Reid. You dig?

This is an obvious play with LL Cool J's name, an American hip hop artist and actor who is one of a few hip-hop stars to sustain a successful recording career for more than two decades, being on the brink of releasing his 13th album.
(edit) The Incredible Hulk:
When J.D. gets mad because Josh failed all day and didn't do the paperwork he was supposed to do, he turns green, bursts out of his clothing and changes into the Hulk.

The Incredible Hulk is one of Marvel Comics' most known superheroes, being considered a pop culture icon. He is the alter ego of Dr. Robert Bruce Banner, a genius in nuclear physics who as a result of exposure to gamma radiation became a large, superhumanly strong green creature. (edit) The House Of God:
J.D.'s narration: A famous doctor once said "Show me a medical student who only triples my work and I will kiss his feet".

This is one of the Laws of The House of God, a 1978 novel by Stephen Bergman under the pseudonym of Samuel Shem. The story focus on Dr. Roy Basch, telling all his problems as a poorly prepared new intern in a hospital called the House of God. (edit) Scrubs:
In the end of the episode when J.D. calls Josh to help him with a procedure, it directly parallels the similar ending scene from the first episode, My First Day, in which Dr. Cox helps J.D. overcome his fear of performing procedures on patients. (edit) Ripley's Believe It Or Not:
J.D.: He wrote down the guy sweats when he exercises.
Patient: I do.
J.D.: I'll call Ripley's!

This is a reference to Ripley's Believe it or Not, a Sony Pictures Television show which ran from 2000 to 2003 which provided a weekly look at the world of strange and fascinating phenomena, showing some of the weirder 'unbelieveable' things they could find in the world. (edit) Thumper:
Carla: Relax, Bambi. Be nice to Thumper.

Thumper is Bambi's rabbit friend in the Disney movie Bambi. Carla obviously thinks J.D. is to Josh as Bambi is to Thumper. (edit) The Usual Suspects:
J.D.: The Devil's greatest trick was convincing the world he didn't exist.

These are the last lines of Kevin Spacey's character, Roger "Verbal" Kint, in The Usual Suspects, a 1995 thriller movie written by Christopher McQuarrie and directed by Bryan Singer. Winner of two Academy Awards, it tells the story of a small-time con man, who tells his interrogator a convoluted story about events leading to a massacre and massive fire that have just taken place on a ship docked at the Port of Los Angeles. (edit) Mod Squad:
Dr. Cox: (Refering to J.D., Elliot and Turk) Oh, Thank Goodness! It's the Mod Squad.

The Mod Squad was an ABC television series which ran from September 24, 1968, until August 23, 1973. It was a police drama that feature "hip" young crime fighters: one African-American, one street kid, and one blonde woman. (edit)