10.5: Apocalypse

Like a geologist or seismologist or Kim Delaneyologist, when analyzing an event as horrifying as NBC's 10.5: Apocalypse, one must search for the initial fault line. Yet everything about the sequel to 2004's mediocre ratings smash 10.5 is so lousy, it's difficult to pick just one failure. The miniseries opens with yet more earthquakes, eruptions, landslides, and floods - and the discovery of a pattern: that pattern being that the slap-dash special effects are much less gripping than the stunning number of close-ups you'll suffer for the next four hours. (The left nostril of returning star Delaney is forever burned in my brain. Thanks, Apocalypse!) Delaney soon identifies the earthshaking problem within the writings of her eccentric scientist dad, Dr. Earl Hill (Frank Langella), who is basically an earthquake whisperer. Dr. Hill's Accelerated Plate Movement Theory (catchy, huh?) holds that the United States is breaking apart down the middle, or, as Delaney explains over approximately 10.5 thousand scenes: ancient seaway 60 million years ago geography of North America blah, blah, blah. Let's just say it sucks.moreless

10.5: Apocalypseis the sequel to NBC’s hit miniseries 10.5, where the possibility for the ultimate temblor looms. Reprising their roles are Kim Delaney, David Cubitt, and Beau Bridges. Its on NBC on Sunday at 9:00pm, and is two hours long. Yet is a movie/ miniseries, and is also an action/ adventure show. It is also a new series.

...Unless, of course, it was supposed to be a comedy - but then, where was the canned laughter?



From the initial premise (shock horror, the Earth's plates are no longer moving apart, they are coming back together - continental drift has been "reversed"!!!) through to the final outcome - America rent in two, but still, God Bless 'em and pass the Apple Pie, "one nation", I seriously wonder what the likes of Frank Langella and Carlos Bertrand thought they were doing in this Edsel of a clunker. Note I didn't include Beau Bridges in this. I would have once, but as his stint on Stargate SG-1 has oh so recently shown, he's not only failed to inherit any of his father's looks, he's also singularly failed to inherit a modicum of Lloyd's acting abilities. Not so much "wooden" as "mature California redwood"...



Mind you, the script didn't help. Hey, why use word processors, constructs and meaningful sentences when you have a stack of coloured crayons and a sheet (emphasis on the singular) to write on?



I'm not going to go into the absurdity of the premise and unfolding plot, nor make reference to the obvious stitching together of oh-so-many 70's Irwin Allen disaster movies (but without the panche of the latter), and just say this:



If your local station advertises this for prime time viewing (or ANY viewing) - make sure you've got something entertaining to do the 2 nights it is on like, oh, I don't know, say watching paint dry. Doesn't even have to be your paint. Just find a neighbour who has just decorated - indoors or out, really doesn't matter. If you can't find any wet paint, watch your hair grow in a mirror. It'll be a damned sight more entertaining than this drivel, and more life-fulfilling.



Did I mention it was absurdly bad? And I don\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\'t mean \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\"My word, this is so bad, I have to watch it to see how quicky the corn grows\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\" bad. I just mean B-A-D.



P.S. Why, if the Score on this site starts at 0.1, can I not record a score any less than \"1\"? If you\'ve got 0.? scores available, people should be able to use them. \"1\" is singularly generous in cases like this! :-)moreless