2 Broke Girls Season 1 Episode 2

Caroline: I drunk Caroline am a drunk-ass-ho! I promise to keep my big mouth shut and replace all of Max's poor people chips. I will no longer meddle in her relation-chips?
Max: You laughed about that until you threw up. Oh and if your wondering, no, the puke stains will not void this contract!

Caroline: In spite of what you said about the sounds I heard coming from your bedroom the night, I know you're upset!
Max: I was masturbating!
Oleg: (pops up from behind counter) I love me job!

Max:: (Caroline enters covered in horse poop) Hey look, Chanel Number 2!

Caroline: (eats chips) You think these are good? (Max glares at her) God, we're poor!

Max: Robbie, If I was going to go lesbian, she would be the last Les I'd be in!

Caroline: Can't I just lay down here and get a little sleep.
Max: I don't even let the men I sleep with sleep with me!
Caroline: I can't get into your issues now, I just need to sleep!

Caroline: Max, that oven is so hot. Could you do me a favor and open the back door?
Max: We've known each other for two days, and you're already asking for backdoor?

Caroline: Are you sure you're fine, cuz I heard you crying last night.
Max: I don't cry! I sold my tear ducts to an organ bank for cash,two years ago!