2 Broke Girls Season 2 Episode 1

Max: What does a loving cup look like? Is it like a bowling trophy?
Caroline: How dare you!

Martin Channing: There's one thing at that auction that I really care about, that I want you to have.
Caroline: What? The painting of me as a baby? The sculpture of me as a 5 year old? The tapestry of me at 14?
Max: I have a pretty good police sketch of me at 7.

Martin Channing: Wait, this can't be Max. From the stories I've heard I was expecting more of a truck driver. (to Police officer.) Hey Brian, you might wanna look the other way, I think Max is here to break me out. That right Max?
Max: (giggles) Martin Channing!

Max: Wow, this prison is a lot better than the last one. It's more like a country club! I mean I think I saw a list for mixed doubles where we signed in.
Caroline: Max, I know your idea of a country club is an abandoned car in the woods, but look around. There's security cameras and bars on the windows.
Max: Alright, so it's a rough country club. Where the strongest golfers make the caddies their bitch!
Caroline: Max, my father's in prison. Be more sensitive and stuff!

Auctioneer: 200, going once, going twice, sold!
Max: Yes! I'm rich!
Caroline: Did you just say "I'm"?!
Max: I think you're hearing me wrong!

Auctioneer: Next item for auction, a 19th century ivory and gold bedside table.
Sophie: (moans in pleasure) Say it again!
Auctioneer: This is highly unorthodox, but I shall repeat the item. A 19th century gold and ivory bedside table.
Sophie: (moans in pleasure again, louder than before.)

Max: Look, if it's any consolation, I now see how that could have happened to him. I'm not condoning it, but I see how people can get caught up. Cuz I am pissed as hell that next week I wont be ridding a horse who's ridding a jet ski!

Max: $60,000? That's like a million dollars!

Oleg: How nice is this? We are finally on a romantic date. We just came from lunch at rainbow room, and I'm wearing my best tracksuit.
Sophie: Now he's gonna buy me something golden. Yea, I want to be covered in gold. I want a golden shower!

Caroline: I think you have a unique sense on style, you do so much with so little fabric.
Sophie: I do.