2 Broke Girls Season 2 Episode 12

Caroline: Andy offered to pay our rent, but I said no.
Max: That is the whitest thing I have ever heard.

Max: And around 4 am you finally called from an IHOP in Green Point, and I came and picked you up. You were covered in syrup yelling "The Mayans were right, the Mayans were right!"

Caroline: Andy, I don't get stoned it was just last night.
Andy: I know, you told me all about it when you called at 4 am.
Caroline: Sorry, and I'm mortified to ask, but did you and I have phone sex?
Max: That was you and me. Stoned Caroline's got game.

Carol: (while her boyfriend is being arrest by police for meth) I told you not to get involved with drugs, I told you!
Other Max: Shut it Carol, shut it!
Caroline: I can't believe that just happened.
Max: I know it's like, let it go Carol.

Keefer: I just broke out some dank nugs.
Caroline: Oh, thanks, but actually we just had some dank nugs.
Max: First of all, that's your new nickname, and Keefer, I don't wanna rush you, but me and Dank Nugs have to get home.

Caroline: Why are we in this seedy building that smells like marijuana? Oh my god, is this where your mom lives?
Max: You think my mom lives indoors?

Max: You heard when God closes a door, he opens a window? He's running from his landlord.

Max: (crawling into the backroom with Han and Caroline) Stay down until we're out of sight.
Han: Ow. Ow, it hurts!
Max: (stands up) Oh please, like this is the first time you've been on your knees in a backroom. Caroline, you don't have to stay on the ground anymore.
Caroline: (still on her hands and knees) I feel like this is where I belong now.

Caroline: I didn't do it. It's so not hot, he's my boyfriend. I mean it's not like borrowing money from family, you don't sleep with your family.
Max: Not all families are the same, Caroline.