2 Broke Girls Season 1 Episode 18

Caroline: This is such amateur hour, give me 50 bucks for the door guy.
Guard #1: Are you seriously trying to bribe an officer of the law, while inside a prison? That's a federal offense!
Caroline: Is it?
Guard #1: Probably. Look, I should have you thrown out for even suggesting it. We do not except bribes!
Max: Fine, I'll let you take your sweet time searching me on the way in.
Guard #1: These two are clear to go through.

Caroline: I'd like to see a manager!
Guard #1: There is no manager! It's a prison!

Sophie: (sitting in her town car, eating a cupcake and watching Caroline and Edwin make out on the street corner) Yum, yum. They are so hot!

Sophie: Oh Max, my town car is parked out front, and I was wondering if you wanted me to wait for you and Caroline to give you a ride back to our building.
Max: Oh no, that's OK, we still have to clean up and take the trash out. (Oleg enters)
Sophie: Oh, looks like the garbage is taking itself out.

Max: You and the web master have been (does air quotes)talking business everyday for a week. Something going on there? Shouldn't the web be mastered by now?
Caroline: It's strictly business.
Max: Alright, but it's costing us $200, you might as well get something out of it. Maybe let him browse your Yahoo.

Han: Well to bad, because your BFF is throwing you a big blowout!
Caroline: Max, now I feel bad.
Max: You feel bad now, wait til you see the party.

Caroline: Our deal's off. Oleg had sex with Sophie last night!
Sophie: No, it wasn't sex! Just hand stuff, and nothing above the waist I'm a lady! I got all hot and bothered watching Caroline and Big Han!
Edwin: OK, I really think this is between Caroline and Me.
Han : You mean between Caroline, you and your strippers.
Caroline: Strippers!?
Han: I have seen this man at a strip club!
Max: Han, you were in a strip club?
Han: Earl took me!
Earl: (shocked) Damn it Han, you're gonna sell me out after I spotted you a hundred dollars in ones?
Oleg: You went to Spreaders without me!?

Caroline: Congratulations, it's official, our website is now live!
Max: Congratulations, it's official, you're a whore!