2 Broke Girls Season 2 Episode 7

Jaccob: So, got any words of wisdom for a kid trying to make it in the world.
Max: No, do you? Look, just know you're gonna struggle for a while, someone's gonna ask you what time it is, and when you look down at your watch he's gonna put his penis on you, but like Dan Savage says, it gets better. Although it hasn't for me, so maybe that only applies to questioning teens. In point, there's really no point to anything, but sometimes you get to eat candy or have sex, and that's when it all feels right.

Andy: She was practically a princess.
Max: Was, was a princess, now she has five pairs of underwear and hasn't done laundry in eight days.

Caroline: That's not so much a dance floor, as it is an STD mosh pit.

Max: (About Sophie) Jaccob, don't look directly at her, she's like an eclipse with boobs.