2 Broke Girls Season 1 Episode 14

Caroline: Oh my god, she's a hooker! I've been using a hookers lip gloss.
Max: She's not a hooker.
Caroline: Oh, good!
Max: She's to old, she's a madame! You've been using an old hooker's lip gloss!

Sophie: You two are harshing my marshmallow.

Max: Well, I think we made our point. No music, no clumping, I'll shoot you through the floor! Thanks for stopping by.

Sophie: Why have you not yet offered me cupcake? It's the least thing you can do after horrible, horrible note!
Caroline: Oh, sure! Chocolate or vanilla?
Sophie: Yes!

Sophie: Did you write this horrible, horrible note?
Max: I did!
Sophie: First day in my new home, and I'm given this horrible, horrible note with threats!
Caroline: Well, they're not actually threats.
Sophie: (reading from the note) I will gut you like a hog.
Caroline: To be clear I only skimmed the note.

Max: Ordering one Pastrami! Can you do me a favor doll face, make it so big and thick you can't get your mouth around it! Can you do that sweetheart?
Caroline: Yes, and two matzo ball soups, hold the balls. Wait, I'll hold the balls, you just sit there and look pretty! And a cream of (pause) nope, can't just grossed myself out. (leaves)
Oleg: When is it gonna get dirty?

Oleg: Pick up! Chicken breast, the way I know you want it, with the bone in!
Caroline: We really should hold a seminar about sexual harassment in the work place.
Max: Why he's already so good at it!