This Hour Has 22 Minutes

Warning! To the Liberals: Are they morons or bastards? Make up your mind!
Frank MacMillan: "Corrections Canada has announced the completion of four new all-female maximum security facilites. Prison officials say they're strong enough for a man, but made for a woman."
Bass MacLaren: "Any day now we'll be at war. Now last time, we weren't quite prepared. We sent the troops to Afghanistan in the green uniforms - kind of hard to mount a sneak attack when Saddam's looking out the palace window going, 'The sand looks particularly lush today. Did somebody put down sod?'"
Max Pointy: "When I do a piece I try to do an observation filled with pithy observations - observations filled with pith. I observe, I think of something pithy, and then I make an observation that is filled with pithiness!"
Nervous Rex: "If you really have to get somewhere fast, do what I do - take an ambulance."