30 Rock

Tracy: I have decided to fulfill my dream of going into space. If you have a spaceship and are looking for a hilarious astronaut with an irregular heartbeat and thirty million dollars, I am prepared to leave as soon as tomorrow.

Tech Support Guy: You called Tech Support? Jack: I need to see what's inside that box. If I learned anything from watching 24, you're gonna want to zoom in and enhance.

Dennis: What do you want from me? Liz: This is what I want from you: I want you to understand exactly how unimportant you are; you are not the love of my life; you are not capable of hurting me; and you could never do anything to damage this friendship [Liz and Jenna]. Dennis: (about sex with Jenna) It was in your bed. Liz: Oh, guys, come on. I eat in there.

Jack: I don't have friends on NASA—bunch of nerds.

Jack: You cannot go into space. Your contract expressly prohibits dangerous activities like extreme sports or riding the subway on St. Patrick's Day.

Jack: What? As a kid you never got so excited you vomited? Liz: No, no one does that. I mean, I've peed a little.

Jack: (on the phone) Lemon, I'm going through the guest list of my 50th birthday party, and you have not RVSP'd it. Liz: Oh, right. Sorry, my mail's been piling up, and I keep forgetting to buy toilet paper. So... Jack: What is that supposed to mean?

Dennis: I'd be an even worse sex addict if I wasn't so consumed with my latest business venture. Liz: I don't want to hear about your job, Dennis. Dennis: One word—coffee. One problem—where do you get it? Liz: Anywhere! You get it anywhere!

Liz: Have you seen this Tracy thing? Jack: I am aware of it. I have a Google News Alert for the phrase, "Tracy Jordan ridiculous disaster".

Jenna: The reason I have some English inflection in my speech is because I lost my virginity to the My Fair Lady soundtrack.