30 Rock

Jack: Lemon, does Kenneth look up to you? Liz: Of course he does. Kenneth looks up to everybody. He even calls Tracy's lizard "Sir".

Jenna: Tracy is counter-suing me... Liz: Good morning. Jenna: ...for defamation of character. How can you defame someone who's been arrested in three different Chuck E. Cheese's?

Tracy: I watched Boston Legal nine times before I realized it wasn't a new Star Trek.

Jeffrey: Okay, I'm Jeffrey. I am a mediator, and you two are having a dispute. Now why is that? Jenna: Because Tracy thinks he can treat me unfairly because I'm a woman. Tracy: What? Please, we are here because white folks think they can do whatever they want to do to black folks. It's like when Adrien Brody kissed Halle Berry at the Oscars! White people stole jazz, rock 'n roll, Will Smith, and heart disease! Now they think they can take my hard-earned money.

Jenna: Women are the oppressed ones. And it's even harder being a beautiful woman. Everyone assumes I don't try in bed. It's discrimination!

(dressed as Princess Leia in effort to get out of jury duty) Liz: I don't really think it's fair for me to be in a jury because I can read thoughts. Judge: Dismissed.

Jack: Nobody flies without medication anymore. Why shouldn't you enjoy the same luxuries as a dog? (Jack hands her some pills, Liz reads off the bottle) Liz: Comanapracil? "May cause dizziness, sexual nightmares, and sleep crime." Jack: It's very good.

Liz: Why do you have a monster claw? Tracy: They ran out of white make-up 'cause I insisted they do my buttocks.

Jack: Did you know that President Bush's approval rating was almost as high as 15% following the Olympics?

Kenneth: Is SpongeBob SquarePants supposed to be terrifying?