The show opens with Liz Lemon wishing Jack a Merry Christmas Eve Eve. Jack inquires about whether Liz will be around the next day and learns that she plans to spend Christmas Eve at the Penn Station K-Mart watching Tootsie as a part of her new strategy to avoid Christmas with the family. She travels on Christmas day as a way to avoid family blow ups. This year's is projected to be a doozie with Lemon's Aunt Linda bringing in her new boyfriend, who is neither her age or her race while her Aunt's ex-husband will also be there with his new date, alcoholism. Instead, Liz plans to swoop in the next day for presents and pie. Jack asks Liz to join him with Colleen, but she refuses.
In the next scene, Tracy refuses to participate in the filming of a promo message for Kabletown, NBC's fictional new owner, because he has been nominated for a Golden Globe Award and is concerned that he not be taken as a serious actor. Liz turns to Jenna with the gift of offering her both lines of the promo. Jenna delivers the lines sobbing off the stage saying "I think we got it".
When Liz asks Jenna if she's OK, Jenna explains by handing Liz an invitation to "New Queers Eve", which is a party hosted by Tom Ford and Elton John. Jenna is upset because since her breakup with her cross-dressing, Jenna-imitating boyfriend, Paul, she has no one with whom she can team on an amazing couples' costume. The scene breaks with Pete shouting out that NBC wants every show other than TGS to do the promo.
Avery and Jack are reviewing their Christmas card when Liz enters. Avery reaches for a poinsettia to cover her belly; then realizes it's Liz and sighs, "Oh, it's just Liz." Lemon's response is "Why do people always say that?" Jack explains that Avery is keeping her pregnancy a secret at work. Liz asks what she can bring for dessert to Jack's party and learns that Avery isn't coming because she plans on attending the holidays with her family. Liz asks why Jack and Colleen aren't going with Avery and as Jack explains that Colleen is frail and Avery is in her third trimester, Liz blurts out the realization that Jack hasn't told his mother about Avery's condition.
"What?" exclaims Avery. Liz explains that her TV remote has broken and as a result her television is stuck on CBS where she's been watching The Mentalist and now believes herself to be an expert at reading people's body language.
Avery wants to know why Jack hasn't told Colleen about the baby. He explains that he hasn't found the right opportunity to do so. Both women assail Jack, who explains that his family believes in suppressing bad things from a family. When Jack makes more excuses Liz asks what Colleen did when Jack told her about his discovery of his real dad, Milton. She realizes immediately that he has not told Colleen about Milton. In response, Liz calls herself, "The Mental-Liz".
Kenneth enters Tracy's dressing room with a "Chunks Family Movie" DVD box. Tracy says that he's not releasing the sequel of his movie because he doesn't want to get his image tarnished before the Golden Globes comes out. Tracy exclaims that he loves making people laugh, "I had to go on Charlie Rose, Kenneth. Charlie Rose!"
Colleen enters Jack's apartment and he tells her that Avery and he are having a baby. He reminds Colleen that "this is good news." Colleen laments that her chums at the Death Shore Retirement Community will not approve that her "Unmarried son has knocked up a Protestant." The fight goes on until Colleen leaves the field for her room to think about more comments for tomorrow. Jack calls his father, Milton, and invites him to the holiday dinner.
Liz seeks out Paul at the restaurant he works in where he appears roller-skating and in drag. He mistakes Liz as a transvestite. Liz tells Paul that Jenna's upset and misses him. Paul says that he misses Jenna too but that there relationship is over. Another cross-dressing, roller-skating waitress mistakes Liz for another waitress, "You can't be on the floor without your roller-skates, Rick."
Jack readies the table as Liz arrives with an empty sleeve of Oreo cookies. Jack welcomes Liz to his "Christmas Attack Zone." Jack tells Liz that Milton is on the way and that he doesn't know that Colleen is in attendance or vice versa. Milton arrives and greets Jack and Liz. Liz tells Milton about the plot, but Milton at first takes Jack's side for judging Jack's choice. Milton hawks his new book, "There's No Wrong Way to Make a Family."
Avery arrives looking mad and condemning Colleen for disapproving of her. Jack is sarcastically angry that everyone is upset at Colleen. Liz threatens to tell Colleen what's happening, but Jack sends her in the wrong direction and turns to call his mother to dinner.
Kenneth is at his desk which is done up in Christmas finery when Tracy, Grizz, and Dotcom enter seeking serious clothing for Tracy's event, screening his very sad movie, "Hard to Watch".
Kenneth says he hates to see Tracy in this state and reminds him that he ruined Ludichristmas. A jump cut to a scene of Tracy showing the TGS staff slides and narrating, "In the Darfur region, the dead are the lucky ones." Kenneth tells Tracy that people need to laugh and that laughter is the best medicine.
Back at Jack's, Colleen enters the room and greets Avery. When Avery provides a curt response, Colleen wonders if Avery is drunk. "Is she drunk, Jack? Because you know, when your pregnant, one bottle of wine a day and that's it!"
Jack springs Milton on Colleen. Milton condemns Colleen for keeping him from his son for 50 years. "You didn't miss much," says Colleen. Milton recounts all the things he and Jack missed.
Liz returns and says she tried to stop this. Colleen is left speechless, which makes Jack say, "Merry Christmas one and all."
Jenna calls Liz at Jack's and complains about what a mess things are. Colleen is plotting and now welcomes Liz to her Christmas Attack Zone.
Tracy addresses the woman of the shelter, "Ladies of the Battered Women's Shelter. Please be quiet. A man is talking." He proposes showing them a film that holds a mirror up to their own lives, but a voice in Tracy's head, actually Kenneth himself, convinces Tracy to show "Chunks II, A Very Chunky Christmas." The audience busts up in laughter as they watch the movie.
Liz complains that she needs to leave as Jack's dinner has turned out to be the opposite of what she wanted. As she heads for the door, Colleen enters the room complaining that her arm is numb. Jack tries to keep the rest of the family from going to Colleen. Avery is first to go to her and asks numerous questions about what she's feeling claiming, "I had a couple rich men die on top of me." Milton wants to call for an ambulance. Colleen collapses. Milton says he should be listened to because he's a doctor. "Seems like people are back on my side, Jackie" says Colleen.
Paul shows up at Jenna's door and they both realize they had the same idea for a couples costume – Paul dresses as Natalie Portman in the Black Swan and Jenna as Lynn Swann, former Pittsburgh Steelers wide receiver – "two black swans".
Around Colleen's hospital bed, Milton is thankful that it wasn't a heart attack. Avery says that all this happened because they were not honest. She then admits that Jack and she were going to elope, but instead invites everyone to their wedding.
Liz resolves to get a bus to White Haven. Both Milton and Colleen continue to tongue lash Jack, who provokes them further.
Cut to Paul as Natalie Portman's character in the Black Swan and Jenna as Lynn Swann singing "Oh, night divine" with cuts to Tracy laughing with the battered wives and Liz boarding a crowded bus next to a man with a parrot on his shoulder.
An epilog has Tracy in character as one of the Chunks singing "Oh, holy night." Another Chunk says, "Merry Christmas from the Chunks!"