30 Rock Season 1 Episode 19

Don Geiss: As my old man always said, "If you try, you win." And he was a hell of a garbage man.

Frank: Hey, what's wrong with you?
Liz: What?
Frank: Your face. It's like you're... happy or something.

Liz: Look at your life, Jack. It's like this skybox: it's fancy, and it's empty, and it smells like crab cakes.

Floyd: On a personal note, sir, in my mind, the Foo Fighters' song "Best of You" is about your managerial skills.
Jack: Lemon, I want to kiss your boyfriend on the mouth.
Floyd: Chapter 12!

Liz: I hope this isn't too boring for you.
Floyd: Are you kidding? Jack Donaghy is a legend. I've read his book, like, 20 times.
Liz: Jack wrote a book?
Floyd: Yeah. Jack Attack: The Art of Aggression in Business.

Tracy: Liz Lemon, you are my Alexander Hamilton.
Liz: I don't know what that means.

Jack: I wish I were a horse: strong, free, my chestnut haunches glistening in the sun.
Liz: Are you okay?
Jack: Hmm? Oh, yeah, sure.

Liz: Jack goes to Sbarro when he's angry, the New York Stock Exchange when he's horny, and Christie's when he's depressed.

Lutz: Sorry, I'm late.
Liz: Aww, Lutz, thats okay. I'm just glad you're here. (hugs him). You've got a face like a baby's bottom.

Jack: Would you like to sit down?
Don: I can't. I took my grand-kid snorkling in St. Barths and got stung by a jellyfish. I got a welt on my ass the size of Red Delicious apple.
Jack: I'm very sorry to hear that, sir.

Frank: I'm really happy that you've found someone to care about, because relationships are hard. So if you ever need someone to videotape you guys doing it or whatever, I'm...I can make room in my schedule.
Liz: Thanks.

Floyd: Ugh, that movie was a complete waste of time.
Liz: I thought it was moving... my bowels.