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Jack: (on Liz's date 17 years her junior) Where'd you two meet, an AMBER Alert?
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Liz: You can't be gay for just one person, unless you're a lady and you met Ellen.
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Jack: This company is my girlfriend. She gives me all the loving I'll ever want or need.
Liz: That's... gross, Jack.
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Cerie: (about seeing Liz at a nightclub) So what were you doing there? Is it like that time they found my grandpa at the bus station?
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Kenneth: They all seem to really hate my grandpa, because they keep yelling "Kill Whitey", and I'm like, what do you think you are, alcohol?
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Jack: Lemon, what happened? Did you take an Ambien with your Franzia and sleepwalk here?
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Liz: I'm 37. Please don't make me go to Brooklyn.
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Tracy: You can't wear blue in Knuckle Beach, which is hard, because jeans go with everything.
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Tracy: Bush?! Now I don't want to go on a rant here...
(long silence)
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Tracy: Jack, have you ever been to Knuckle Beach? It's a totally different world. A world where orange soda is an acceptable substitute for breast milk.
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Jack: Hello, coach, I thought we'd have a little meeting before practice.
Tracy: Practice? Meetings? What is this, a marriage?
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Jenna: (about cougars) There was a whole article about it in Vanity Fair. The one with the "Crisis In Africa" cover. God, it makes me so sad that more people don't know about cougars.
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Tracy: You don't get these kids, Jack. They don't care about winning, they just want to go outside for once. You know on our first practice they asked me what the sun was?
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Young Kid: (seeing Jack) Hey you guys, it's that king we met!
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Jamie: Now I'm getting attitude from the sexy librarian over here.
Liz: What? Sexy? You are, shut up.
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Jack: All you need is someone to point you in the right direction: a role model.
Young Kid: Like R. Kelly and Michael Vick!
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Young Kid: (in Jack's office) Someday, I'll have an office like this. To clean.
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Jack: Big night, Lemon? Let me guess: meatball sub, extra bread; bottle of Nyquil; TiVo Top Chef; a little Miss Bonnie Raitt; lights out.
Liz: No, I have something to do tonight, Jack.
Jack: Then you won't mind when I tell you that Casey gets voted off tonight.
Liz: You monster! Why are you like this?
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Tracy: Hey, Liz Lemon, I'm going to an animals-only strip club. Interested?
Liz: Does that mean the animals strip, or the animals are the customers?
Tracy: Animal customers? That's ridiculous.