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Tracy: Regrets are for horseshoes and handbags.
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Kenneth: (talking about coffee) I love how it makes me feel. It's like my heart is trying to hug my brain!
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Jack: I'll just tell Don Geiss that I let a subordinate with an unaccredited theater-tech degree do a billion dollar handshake deal while my girlfriend and I showered together at a Red Roof Inn.
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Kenneth: (as he's quitting his job) Mr. Jordan... It's been an honor being your friend and learning about the non-reproductive aspects of human sexuality from you.
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Jack: (to C.C.) Say, what do you think they do for fun around here?
Local: Smack around nosy out-of-towners. Also, we have a lovely doll museum.
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Jack: (to C.C.) Get in that ridiculous electric car of yours and get up here.
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Kenneth: I let my momma down, and I'm going back to Georgia.
Tracy: What? No, you can't leave, kid. Who's gonna help me tell white people apart?
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C.C.: We only have one speed, Jack. That's what I love about us: the drive, the ambition, our belief that sex is a competition.
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C.C.: (to Jack) When I was with you the other day, I missed the vote on a bill to legalize recreational whale torture.
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Kenneth: I'd always been told that New York was the 21st century city of Sodom. And look what's happened. I've become one of them. I've been sodomized.
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Jack: God, I haven't thought about work once this whole time.
C.C.: I know, it's weird.
Jack: Good weird, or last night weird?
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Jack: All my life, work came first. I missed so many weddings, funerals, karate demonstrations.
C.C.: Birthdays, Lilith Fairs.
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Tracy: Hey, slow down there, Ken. Coffee is not like alcohol. It's pretty addictive.
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Liz: I still have to get approved by the co-op board. I'm all nervous. I have to dress up and smile and try to get them to like me. It's gonna be like going on a blind date.
Jenna: No, it's so much better, because an apartment never waits until you get in the shower, then steals the necklace your mother gave you.
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Tracy: Boundaries are made to be tested. That's why my wife and I stopped using a safe word.
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Kenneth: I don't drink coffee, sir. I don't drink hot liquids of any kind. That's the devil's temperature.
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Jack: (to C.C.) The President is only going to veto your crazy social programs. The founding fathers never intended for the poor to live into their forties.
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Liz: Even Frank owns that chicken ranch in Nevada. He thought he was buying a whorehouse.
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Liz: Real estate? No, that's something you do when you're married and you have a family.
Jack: Sure, wait for that, your home will be in the floating city of New Chicago.
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Liz: I have a checking account. I am two payments away from owning my bike. Also, I have a star that my aunt named after me, although that was recently downgraded to a gas giant, so...
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Jonathan: We're trying to buy the largest cable network in Northern Europe. And if we do do that, it'll be huge.
Liz: What about your huge doo-doo? (high fives herself)