30 Rock

Jack: Good God, Devin is gay. He's even more powerful than I thought. Liz: Maybe you should seduce him and get him to tell you all his secret plans.

Dr. Spaceman: I have the results of your DNA test. Now, I am very serious about doctor/patient confidentiality, so I am gonna have to ask that all four of us keep this to ourselves.

Pete: Love is like an onion, and you peel away layer after layer until you're just... weeping over the sink.

Jack: I want you on this, Lemon. Those jokes you wrote for my Mitt Romney fundraiser, they were top-notch. Liz: Those weren't jokes! That was an appeal for a return to common sense and decency. Jack: Well, they got big laughs.

Jack: (to Liz) I don't know what happened in your life that caused you to develop a sense of humor as a coping mechanism. Maybe it was some sort of brace or corrective boot you wore during childhood.

Devon: Oh, what's that? MC Lyte just murdered Danny Bonaduce? Oh, thanks, phone!

Jack: Kenneth, you are the worst gay bait ever.

Devon: You're going down. Jack: No, Devon, I don't do that.

Jack: Devon, what can I do for you? Devon: I think we're way past that Jack. Let's be honest with each other, I'll go first. I'm gay and I want your job. Jack: Devon, I'm straighter than you are gay, and I leave particles of guys like you in my wind. I'm not afraid of you. Devon: Yeah? Well you should be. Jack: Let's just see how it all shakes out in the meeting. Devon: Yeah, let's.

Devon: If you excuse me I'll go slip into something more comfortable. Kenneth: Oh, like in the movies!

Kenneth: So Mr. Donaghy what can I do for you? Jack: I heard you were talking to my collegue Devon Banks. Did he tell you why he was in New York? Kenneth: No sir, we just talked about Anderson Cooper mostly. Jack: You should get to know Devon, tell him all of your television ideas. You know he started of as page just like you. Kenneth: Really? So did I! Jack: You say the right things, ask him the right questions, I'm sure he could open some doors for you. Kenneth: Okay, what kinds of questions? Jack: I'll write them down for you. You call him tell him you have two tickets for A Chorus Line for tonight. Now Kenneth, have you ever used bronzer? (Kenneth shrugs)

Jack: I'm sure he's here to dazzle the old men with webisode ideas, but I have ideas too, Lemon. Liz: Like what? Jack: Something big—a live television special with fireworks. They can do shapes, now. One time I saw a cowboy hat.

Jack: Banks is no slouch. He pioneered the concept of ten second Internet sitcoms.

Floyd: Hey. Liz: Hey. Floyd: Wow, hot dog times huh? Liz: I only eat them on special occasions. Floyd: What's the special occasion? Liz: I decided to eat one.