30 Rock

Jack: Volure—I thought by now you'd be someplace the U.S. law couldn't touch you, like Bali or Utah.

Kenneth: We've eaten our share of rock soup and squirrel tail, but we've had our lean times, too!

Liz: How can I loosen up? I'm in Connecticut, I haven't eaten, and I'm stressed about an 'away toilet' situation.

Tracy: (about his sons) Those two have never paid me any attention. And rightly so! I'm a strange man who can't be taken seriously.

Jack: Gavin is a fabulous guy. If I were dating a man he would be at the top of my list, with Michael Jordan, Denzel Washington, Taye Diggs... God, do I have a black thing?

Liz: Listen, I kind of told him I'd go. Jack: You should, what's the problem? Liz: I don't know, I'm still tired from that dinner. And meeting someone new? Ugh, all the nodding and smiling and sibling listing. What's the upside? It works, and you have to have a bunch of sex?

Kenneth: I've had to send more money home lately. There are problems on the farm. After years of inbreeding, the pigs are getting violent, and the pig shield around the house is worn thin.

Jack: (to Gavin) I can't believe you're out of the game. It's like Picasso not painting, or Bruce Willis not combining action movies with rock harmonica.

Gavin: And as always, I keep one chair empty to represent our unfulfilled hopes and dreams. I'm just kidding. Elliot Spitzer's hooker couldn't make it.

Liz: Is this potpourri or chips? Cause I'm gonna try to eat it. (She tries one) These are not chips. (She takes another one)

Jack: (to Kenneth) With this investment, you could buy a house. (Kenneth smiles) Oh, who am I kidding? The middle class is dying—you'll be renting forever.

Jack: Liz, you're gonna go about this like a Chinese gymnast: wear something tight, force a smile, and lie about your age.

Liz: This must be what the kids call a "booty call". Gavin: I haven't been out of the house since 2004, and even I know the kids don't call it that anymore.

Kenneth: Well, you know what they say: 'Money is the root of all evil.' Tracy: I thought that was just a tag line for my movie, Death Bank.