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Liz: So I'm your emergency contact, huh?
Jack: You're the only person I know who wouldn't hesitate to pull the plug.
-
Colleen: All right, scout's honor. What do you think of [Phoebe]?
(Jack gives Liz a look)
Liz: She's very well-read. And she's very stylish, don't you think? And you know the most important thing is she makes Jack very happy. She's like a... white geisha.
-
(No one knows where Tracy is)
Pete: Oh, I hope he's okay.
Liz: I hope he's taking his medication.
Kenneth: And I hope he takes a jacket, 'cause it can get real chilly there.
(everyone looks at Kenneth)
-
Colleen: Tell him his mother's here. And she loves him. But not in a queer way.
-
Tracy: Thanks for taking me in, Jesse. I won't be a burden. Now make me a smoothie, and let's go clubbing.
-
Liz: Do you think I'm trying to not find Tracy?
Jack: Oh, Lemon, I cannot endure another failure.
Liz: Jack, trust me, nobody wants to do this show without Tracy.
Jenna: We used to do it every week without him. (Liz glares at her) I'm just saying.
-
Kenneth: But what about the Black Crusaders?
Tracy: I don't care what they do to me anymore! I'd rather die famous than to live for a hundred years like this: carrying plastic bags, sitting on benches, brushing my own teeth!
-
Phoebe: I always thought it would be lovely to get married in the spring, just as the petunias start to bloom.
Colleen: Sorry, Phoebe, what?
Phoebe: I always wanted to marry in the spring, just as the petunias bloom.
Colleen: Just when the what?
Phoebe: Oh, dear. Is she hard of hearing?
Colleen: No, no, no! I can hear you. I just wanted to make sure you could hear you.
-
Jack: I feel great! My wedding's in a couple of days—
Dr. Spaceman: The 18th, right? Same as Bianca's.
Jack: I guess our friends will just have to choose between us. My mother's coming up from Florida... to attend Bianca's wedding, so it's perfect.
-
Colleen: This is not Phoebe? Well, why the hell not? I mean, she's perfect. Character. She's got strength of character. And I'll tell you something else. She's got a good, solid baby bucket!
-
Phoebe: Careful, my bones! ...You alright?
Jack: Well, with your condition, ordinarily, wouldn't you just... be on top?
Phoebe: I can't. I have vertigo.
-
Dr. Spaceman: Have I given you my new book? It's about having a satisfying love life, for life.
-
Tracy: Was that Kenneth? What's going on in New York? Did he go to Russell Simmons' birthday party? Were there girls there with butts?
-
Dr. Spaceman: My techniques guarantee male orgasm.