30 Rock

Devon: Is it true, Mr. Donaghy, that your executives routinely used company helicopters to dry their home tennis courts? Jack: Yes, and no. Yes, that did happen. No, that didn't not happen.

Liz: Tracy and Jenna are like children. Pete: And like children, you can't reason with them when they're upset. All you can do is turn the heat up, pour some whiskey in their juice, and wait for sleep to save you. Liz: Well, that's not gonna work for me, because Jenna is immune to whiskey and Tracy is afraid of juice.

Liz: I did Big Sister in college. That little girl taught me how to use tampons.

Liz: I wanted to give you a copy of my book. They used your blurb. Jack: (reading back cover) "Lemon numbers among my employees."

Kenneth: I grew up on a pig farm where I learned that all the animals, even the birds that cleaned our teeth, were workers.

Jack: Your President, who by the way is Kenyan and smokes cigarettes, has created an industry task force for microwaves and small appliances.

Jack: Would women be more likely to buy a microwave if it was programmed to ask you about your day?

Tracy: I haven't had this much trouble with a book since Where's Waldo went to that barber pole factory.