30 Rock

Liz: Very funny, you bought a pager from Dennis. Will you take it off now, please? Jack: I'm sorry, I can't, I'm expecting a call from 1983.

Tracy: I shouldn't expect a white woman from Whiteville to understand street cred. Liz: First of all, I'm not from Whiteville, I'm from White Haven. And it's not as nice as it sounds.

Dennis: Maybe I'll, uh, pick up some Chinese. Liz: Aww, you said "Chinese" instead of something offensive.

Dennis: There's no reason to live anymore. Liz: What happened? Dennis: The Islanders lost tonight. Liz: Doesn't that happen a lot? Dennis: I knew you wouldn't understand.

Frank: You sell beepers? Dennis: I sell way of life, my friend. Frank: Cool, I could use some ironic accessories.

Jack: Lemon, what tragedy happened in your life that you insist upon punishing yourself with all this... (looks around her office) ...mediocrity? Liz: What, because I'm eating a turkey sub? Jack: Your turkey sub, your clothes, the fact that a woman of your resources and position lives like some... boxcar hobo. Or maybe it's the fact that while I'm saying all this, you have a piece of lettuce stuck in your hair.

Jack: (looking through the blinds in Liz's office) Oh, my. There appears to be a gentleman making passionate, angry love to himself. Liz: Yeah, I know. That's why I closed the blinds in the first place. Jack: Right in his office. Huh. (Turns away). Lemon, I like to think of myself as a winner; I like to surround myself with winners. I see potential in you. Let me be your Jack Welsh. Let me be your mentor. Liz: No, thank you. Jack: That is unfortunate. (Turns around and looks through blinds again) You've, uh, got to admire his persistence and stamina, though. Am I wrong or is he in the middle of a staff meeting? Liz: Maybe you should be his mentor. Jack: Obviously he doesn't need one. He's got it all figured out.

Liz: Last week was my birthday and everyone forget except Dennis. He called and we went out and it wasn't weird. Jenna: And how was the sex? Liz: Fast and only on Saturdays—it's perfect!

Tracy [angry at being called "Normal" in a magazine picture]: That's character assassination! That's not normal! It only looks like I'm walking out of a Starbucks when actually I'm doing the robot going backwards into a Starbucks! And I don't even know who dog that is. Yes, I steal dogs!

Dennis: Dennis Duffy, Beeper King. Jack: That's a sharp tie you've got there, Dennis. Dennis: That douchebag up front made me wear it. Jack: Does he know you're the Beeper King? Dennis: I don't think so. Liz: This is clearly the nicest restaurant we've ever been to. Dennis: Hold on a second, this place ain't that nice, alright. It's got rats and roaches like every other restaurant. Liz: No rat talk tonight, okay. Dennis: (to Jack) You know there are 17 rats per person in Manhattan? You eat a pound of rat crap every year without even knowing it. Jack: I think I read about that in The New Yorker. (pause) Um, anyway, we'll leave you two to your meal. I hope you enjoy the... choices that you've made.

Jenna: You're back with Dennis? Liz: I'm back with Dennis. (Jenna gives Liz a look.) Liz: Don't look at me with your eyebrows all up, it's so annoying. Jenna: Oh, yes, I'm annoying. Not the man who honked your boobs on the Jumbo Screen Liz: That was before, and it was the playoffs.

Frank: Sounds like someone loves Liz Taylor. Josh: I do. Toofer: No, we mean looove love. Frank: Yeah, like if she walked in right now, and said she wanted to do it with you, you would. Josh: I definitely would.

Tracy: You take away my street cred and I am Wayne Brady. Liz: Nuh-uh. Wayne Brady has three Emmys. You have a People's Choice Award that you stole from Wayne Brady.