30 Rock

Tracy: Devil's Avocado, Larry. I think people should freak the geek out. Withdraw all your money and hide it! Larry King: Interesting... strategy. Tracy: It's what I've always done. I hide cash everywhere! At home. At church. Even at work. In fact, I've hidden so much money, that if some of it was gone, I probably wouldn't even notice. Larry King: Now, why would you say that? Tracy: I don't know!

Tracy: I'm saying the Disneyfication of New York is over, everyone. At the stroke of midnight, your Lexus is going to turn back into a hot pile of rats fighting over a human finger.

Jack: What's happening here is a once in a lifetime thing. Elisa: So am I.

Jack: Let's get married. Elisa: Jack! Jack: I love you, Elisa, and I don't want to be with anyone else. Elisa: OK, but I want a ring so big that it gives me back problems.

Don Geiss: (on a videotape made in the 80s) Capitalism is ending, either because of the Soviets or of something ridiculous, like a woman president.

Asif: (over the phone) This phone was left in my cab by a woman wearing the shirt of a man. Pete: (to Liz) You left your phone in his car.

Liz: There's an adult picture of me on that phone! Kenneth: Adult? You mean like you're driving a car or wearing a suit? Liz: It's a boobies picture, Kenneth, and I only kept it because for once they were both pointing in the same direction.

Pete: Listen, we have a request. Can you, please, try to remember to talk about TGS tonight? Liz: You only have to plug it once: TGS, Fridays at 10:30 on NBC. Tracy: You got it! NGS Fridays at C-30 on TB-10.

Jack: Believe me, Lemon, I want to take that next step. Liz: You mean, like, marriage? Jack: No, the one before that. Liz: Moving in together? That's huge! Jack: No, the thing you do before that. Jack: Think 'you in the mid-90's'. Liz: You haven't had sex?

Jack: Lemon, you're a woman. Liz: Of course I am! That doctor was a quack, I don't even know why my parents listened to him.

Larry King: If you're just joining us, we're with Tracy Jordan, who's giving guitar icon Peter Frampton enigmatic clues about a secret treasure.

Jack: Did you get hold of Geiss? Jonathan: No. Jack: Did you try his mistress? Jonathan: Not there. Jack: How about his manstress?

Tracy: I was supposed to be in that movie, Rush Hour, but two weeks in I was replaced by Jackie Chan.