30 Rock

Liz: I want someone who will be monogamous and nice to his mother. And I want someone who likes musicals, but knows to just shut his mouth when I'm watching Lost. And I want someone who thinks being really into cars is lame and strip clubs are gross. I want someone who will actually empty the dishwasher instead of just taking out forks, as needed, like I do. I want someone with clean hands and feet and beefy forearms like a damn Disney prince. And I want him to genuinely like me even when I'm old. And that's what I want.

Pete: The only reason NBC picked up The Girlie Show is because of the flak they got from women's groups after airing the action-drama Bitch Hunter.

Toofer: I am about to utter two words a Harvard man never says. Liz: "I'm cool"? No, I'm sorry, you can't set me up like that.

Liz: Tracy is a buffoon. Tracy: That is a 15^th century term for a black pirate. Racist!

Avery: You always know you're at the right party when it feels like the Riddler is about to attack.

Liz: Tomorrow is the wine and cheese tasting, or as I like to call it, Singles Fart Suppression.