30 Rock Season 3 Episode 21

Jack: Oh, Len, come in.
Lenny: Thanks for meeting me here.
Jack: This is my office.
Lenny: I known. Well, once I'm in the building, I can get into the cafeteria, and that means free ice.

Liz: Maybe Donald is Tracy's son, because maybe Tracy is sixty.
Pete: No, that's ridiculous.
Liz: Think about it: he can't rap, he has diabetes, a lot of his friends are dead—
Pete: He falls asleep in chairs, he doesn't know how to use a computer, he's always mad at the TV—
Toofer: His favorite show is NCIS.
Liz: He might be seventy!

Len: I guess in the divorce settlement, she got all our friends. I gave my gun to my pastor—you know, in case I get the old gloomies again.

Jenna: (about her new catchphrase) This is it! This is the defining thing of my life; it is not going to be that hit and run!

Jack: Tracy, why did you never try to find your father?
Tracy: Because he's dead.
Jack: How do you know that?
Tracy: Because I'm rich, and if that man were alive, he'd be living in my pool house and I'd be paying him $200,000 a year to mow my lawn.

Liz: Look, Jack, I don't have a lot of personal life experience, but if I have learned anything from my Sims family, when a child doesn't see his father enough he starts to jump up and down, and then his mood level will drop... until he pees himself.