30 Rock

Jack: We all have ways of coping. I use sex and awesomeness.

Jenna: And I definitely would have gone to my reunion, but the boat I was educated on sank.

Tracy: Where were you two? Your job is to protect me from embarrassment. Dotcom: Grizz had to go to the optometrist. Tracy: Making up words won't save you!

Liz: The only people that are going to go to this thing are people like [Kelsey] and her stupid friends—the cool, pretty crowd. Jack: Well, that's you now, Lemon. You've got a hit TV show, you've got very impressive friends, you've found a hairstyle that works for you—so long as it's not too humid—and you're telling me that you don't have the confidence to face a bunch of whittling, jug-blowing, IHOP-monkeys? Liz: Jack, it's a suburb of Philadelphia. Jack: Lemon, you will go and show that Kelsey Winthrop that the ugly duckling has turned into a... vaguely ethnic swan.

Jack: What happened when I told you Geiss had screwed me over for the CEO job? Did you offer your help as a friend, or did you make some joke about me being impotent? Liz: Geez, that was, like, eight hours ago!

Liz: Ugh, even Rob Sussman hated me? He was the first gay guy I ever kissed!

Rob: Hello, Elizabeth, it's Rob Sussman. Still think I'm "gayer than the volleyball scene in Top Gun"?

Liz: One time I laughed at a blind guy eating spaghetti! Sometimes I pee in the shower if I'm really tired! I saw my grandparents making love once, and I didn't leave right away!

Jack: Hey, Lemon, check this out. I just made it up. The three Bs: beers, boats, and buds. Doesn't that sound great? Liz: Are you having a stroke?

Liz: How is this working? You're 12 years older than everyone here. Jack: Lemon, rich 50 is middle class 38.

Kenneth: Your landlord called and said it's not the toilet, it's you. Liz: That's his opinion.