30 Rock

Jack: Lemon, women your age are more likely to get mauled at the zoo than get married.

Jack: Lemon, don't ever say you're just you. Because you are better than you.

Liz: (in an agitated, high-pitched voice) What is the deal with my life? Jerry Seinfeld: Are you imitating me? Liz: No, this is what I sound like when I cry!

Jerry Seinfeld: How about I buy NBC and turn it into the biggest Lane Bryant in Midtown? Jack: (laughing) Jerry, come on. You're gonna buy NBC? Like you've got $4 million just laying around?

Tracy: Remember that night we had the three-way with Elayne Boosler? Jerry Seinfeld: I don't think that was me. Tracy: Oh, yeah. You know what? I think that was a mirror.

Liz: I broke up with my boyfriend, but I'm doing great. I'm totally over it. Jerry Seinfeld: Mm-hmm. Still talking? Liz: Oh, no, no no no. I haven't talked to him since, I don't know, August 9th, 4:17PM.

Jonathan: Sir, Jerry Seinfeld is here to see you. Jack: You told me he was in Europe! Does he look upset? Jonathan: He looks the way you did when I tried to hold your hand on the jet.

Jenna: What, you never pretended to be a bride when you were a little girl? Liz: I did, I just never romanticized it. (flashback to young Liz holding two teddy bears) Young Liz: This is my husband, Saul Rosenbear, and this is his son Richard, from a previous marriage. (flash forward to present day) Liz: And then he cheated on me, with a lamb.

Jack: (about Jenna) She needs to lose thirty pounds or gain sixty. Anything in between has no place in television. Liz: I can't believe I missed you.

Liz: (about a magazine picture of Tracy and a prostitute) So not only are you holding a transvestite prostitute... Kenneth: They confused s-him with Mrs. Jordan, yes ma'am. And they think she looks better here than she did at the 2004 Grammys.

Wedding Shop Saleslady: You know, a lot of women buy their perfect dress when they see it and then just trust the fact that the husband will come. Liz: Yeah, this is my year. Floyd's moving on, I'm moving on, too. I'm just doing it in my own order. I'm going to get the wedding dress. Then I'm going to have a baby. Then I'm going to die. Then I'm going to meet a super cute guy in Heaven.

Liz: Weddings are so weird. This veil costs more than my couch. Cerie: Is that comedy, or do you really have a $300 couch? Liz: Both.

Liz: (While trying on a dress for Cerie) This one is really nice Cerie, and it's 40% off! Cerie: Oh, no! Aris would kill me if I ever bought a dress on sale. I can't.

Liz: Kenneth, you are now in charge of doing all the non-sexual things that Angie used to do. Tracy: So he's like... my office wife? Liz: Sure, let's go with that. Tracy: (goes down on one knee) Kenneth Parcell, will you take this ring... and sell it in the Jewish part of Midtown, then go get us a Nintendo Wii? Kenneth: Yes, yes, a thousand times yes!

Tracy: (after seeing Liz in a white wedding dress) Oh, no! Did a Korean person die?

Tracy: How many years have you known me, Liz Lemon? Liz: One. Tracy: So you know I like to minister to transvestite prostitutes. Liz: I don't think I did know that, no.

Jack: I'm back, Lemon. I've had the most productive summer of my life. Liz: Me too— Jack: All of my summer replacement shows were big hits: America's Next Top Pirate, Are You Stronger Than a Dog?, MILF Island— Liz: MILF Island? Jack: Twenty-five super-hot moms, fifty eighth-grade boys, no rules. Liz: Oh, yeah. Didn't one of those women turn out to be a prostitute? Jack: That doesn't mean she's not a wonderful, caring MILF.

Cerie: (to Liz, after asking her to be a bridesmaid) Now I have my something old!