30 Rock Season 1 Episode 14

Liz: Hey, Lutz, why don't you approach your job with the creativity and excitement you have for all-you-can-eat buffets?

Don Geiss: This guy spends so much time in the sand that his nickname should be Fallujah.

Don Geiss: Thank you so much for being here and supporting diabetes research.
Tracy: Hey, I feel you. Messed up sugar runs in my family, too.

Liz: [Lutz] called me the worst name ever.
Frank: What did he call you?
Liz: I'm not gonna repeat it. That's how much I hate it.
Pete: Fat camp?
Liz: No.
Frank: Mouth hooker.
Liz: No.
Frank: Monster bitch.
Pete: Hatchet face.
Liz: No! The one that rhymes with the name of your favorite Todd Rundgren album.
Frank: It rhymes with Hermit of Mink Hollow?

Kenneth: Hello, gentlemen. Welcome to the 9th Annual Cure-Diabetes-Now Golf Tournament.
Jack: Has Don Geiss arrived yet?
Kenneth: Uh no, sir. But if you'd like, we could work out a signal so I could let you know when he does arrive. Like (makes an animal sound) rrooo rrrrooo.
Jack: That won't be necessary.
Kenneth: (whispers) I'll probably just do it anyway.

Liz: Hey, Frank, wake up. You're not allowed to sleep through the topical meeting.
Frank: Dude! I'm exhausted. I stayed up all night watching a Designing Women marathon. Yeah, at first I hated it.... And then I liked it... Then I hated it again... Then I got horny, and then I fell asleep.

Tracy: This is what I do. I drop "truth bombs".

Jack: What are you doing?
Tracy: Payback. The way you treated me. You used me.
Jack: God, its like dating Katie Couric all over again. I didn't use you. I created a situation that could have been mutually beneficial, and you blew it.

Liz: This is the new me. Do you like the new me? Now before you answer—superballs!

Kenneth: I studied TV Theory at Kentucky Mountain Bible College.
Tracy: I studied Fried Chicken at the School of Hard Knocks. Ain't that right, Mr. Jack?
Jack: You're still here?

Liz: (to Pete) I'm a nice person you bald, gangly—I'm going to try harder. I'm going to try to be nice.

Jack: You're embarrassing yourself.
Tracy: No, I'm not, Jack, I'm embarrassing you. And you know what? I'm just getting started.

Liz: Oh, my God, I am. I'm a total—
Greta: Runt! Runt!

Liz: There is no male equivalent to this word.
Pete: Well, why don't we come up with one, and you can call him that.

Kenneth: I just don't want to disgrace the peacock.
Pete: Aw, Kenneth. If you're worried about disgracing the National Broadcasting Company, you're too late.

Lutz: Hey, what about my 'Dancing With the Hobo's' sketch?
Liz: I didn't like it two weeks ago when it was called 'America's Next Top Hobo', and I didn't like it a month ago when it was called 'Hobo Eye For The Straight Guy'.
Lutz: 'Deal or No Hobo'?

Liz: Did anyone see Condoleezza on Meet the Press yesterday? She always sounds so terrified.

Jack: Being in a foursome with this guy can change your life.
Liz: You might want to rephrase that.

Tracy: How come there is no black people here? Black people can't make light bulbs?

Tracy: You need to hook me up with one of them helicopters.
Ted: Absolutely! I'd be happy to arrange for you to take a ride.
Tracy: Nah, I don't wanna get in it. I wanna blow it up and run away from it in slow motion.