The "C" Word

Season 1, Episode 14, Aired

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    • Jack: I've invited [Tracy] to join me at a GE Golf Tournament in Connecticut. Liz: Was Courtney Love not available?
    • Liz: Hey, Lutz, why don't you approach your job with the creativity and excitement you have for all-you-can-eat buffets?
    • Don Geiss: This guy spends so much time in the sand that his nickname should be Fallujah.
    • Don Geiss: Thank you so much for being here and supporting diabetes research. Tracy: Hey, I feel you. Messed up sugar runs in my family, too.
    • Liz: [Lutz] called me the worst name ever. Frank: What did he call you? Liz: I'm not gonna repeat it. That's how much I hate it. Pete: Fat camp? Liz: No. Frank: Mouth hooker. Liz: No. Frank: Monster bitch. Pete: Hatchet face. Liz: No! The one that rhymes with the name of your favorite Todd Rundgren album. Frank: It rhymes with Hermit of Mink Hollow?
    • Kenneth: Hello, gentlemen. Welcome to the 9th Annual Cure-Diabetes-Now Golf Tournament. Jack: Has Don Geiss arrived yet? Kenneth: Uh no, sir. But if you'd like, we could work out a signal so I could let you know when he does arrive. Like (makes an animal sound) rrooo rrrrooo. Jack: That won't be necessary. Kenneth: (whispers) I'll probably just do it anyway.
    • Liz: Hey, Frank, wake up. You're not allowed to sleep through the topical meeting. Frank: Dude! I'm exhausted. I stayed up all night watching a Designing Women marathon. Yeah, at first I hated it.... And then I liked it... Then I hated it again... Then I got horny, and then I fell asleep.
    • Tracy: This is what I do. I drop "truth bombs".
    • Jack: What are you doing? Tracy: Payback. The way you treated me. You used me. Jack: God, its like dating Katie Couric all over again. I didn't use you. I created a situation that could have been mutually beneficial, and you blew it.
    • Liz: This is the new me. Do you like the new me? Now before you answer—superballs!
    • Kenneth: I studied TV Theory at Kentucky Mountain Bible College. Tracy: I studied Fried Chicken at the School of Hard Knocks. Ain't that right, Mr. Jack? Jack: You're still here?
    • Liz: (to Pete) I'm a nice person you bald, gangly—I'm going to try harder. I'm going to try to be nice.
    • Jack: You're embarrassing yourself. Tracy: No, I'm not, Jack, I'm embarrassing you. And you know what? I'm just getting started.
    • Liz: Oh, my God, I am. I'm a total— Greta: Runt! Runt!
    • Liz: There is no male equivalent to this word. Pete: Well, why don't we come up with one, and you can call him that.
    • Kenneth: I just don't want to disgrace the peacock. Pete: Aw, Kenneth. If you're worried about disgracing the National Broadcasting Company, you're too late.
    • Lutz: Hey, what about my 'Dancing With the Hobo's' sketch? Liz: I didn't like it two weeks ago when it was called 'America's Next Top Hobo', and I didn't like it a month ago when it was called 'Hobo Eye For The Straight Guy'. Lutz: 'Deal or No Hobo'?
    • Liz: Did anyone see Condoleezza on Meet the Press yesterday? She always sounds so terrified.
    • Jack: Being in a foursome with this guy can change your life. Liz: You might want to rephrase that.
    • Tracy: How come there is no black people here? Black people can't make light bulbs?
    • Tracy: You need to hook me up with one of them helicopters. Ted: Absolutely! I'd be happy to arrange for you to take a ride. Tracy: Nah, I don't wanna get in it. I wanna blow it up and run away from it in slow motion.
    • Jack: Come on in, Tracy. Tracy: Yo, is this about that little red-headed intern? Cuz she asked me to take it out.
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  • Allusions

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    • Tracy: I'm ridiculous. I'm black. I may even be ugly. But thank God I'm he-ah, I'm he-ah, and nothing but death can keep me from it. Tracy is parodying two memorable quotes from the 1985 film The Color Purple. The main character, Celie, is a young African American woman who faces problems of poverty, racism and sexism in the early 1900s.
    • Liz tells Frank the awful name she was called, "rhymes with [his] favorite Todd Rundgren album," referring to Rundgren's 1970 album Runt.
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