30 Rock

Tracy: What's your religion, Liz Lemon? Liz: I pretty much just do whatever Oprah tells me to.

Tracy: What kind of Presbyterian is this? Kenneth: No, we're the Eighth Day Resurrected Covenant of the Holy Trinity. We haven't been Presbyterian for months.

Eddie: I'm looking for Jack Donahy. Liz: And you are? Eddie: Eddie Donahy, Jack's brother. Liz: Really? 'Cause Jack never mentioned a brother, and his name is Donaghy, not Donahy. Eddie: You know, you could be pretty if you didn't scowl so much. Liz: Tracy, this is Jack's brother Eddie.

Tracy: Hey, Liz Lemon, you know where I could find a good church? Liz: How good? Like Judaism good, or just, like, Unitarian?

(at the gym) Jenna: What class do you want to take? Liz: Uh, anything that doesn't have the words "strip," "salsa," or "beatz" with a "z" in the name of it. Jenna: Cardio Hip-Hop Groove it is, then.

Liz: I'm not gonna just do anything. I have a plan. Step one, befriend the enemy and gather information. Then use the information to drive her into the bottom 10%. Pete: Good lord! Your eyes! You look like that lady astronaut who tried to kidnap that other woman. Liz: Hey, that was a lady with a plan: diapers, mace, Houston to Orlando in nine hours, blammo!

Tracy: See, I can screw up now, and then just go to confession. No longer do I have to throw my parties in international waters.

Jack: It seem that things are lining up again for old Liz Lemon. And you say? Liz: Thank you, Jack.

Eddie: Say hello to Bono and Sandra Day O'Connor. Jack: Those are the stupidest fist names I've ever heard.

Jenna: I'm so glad you asked. Kabbalah is a wonderful religion that mixes the fun part of Judaism with magic. Tracy: So where do you worship? Jenna: Where don't you worship? My friend, Madonna—

Liz: (talking about making out in public) It's only inappropriate when it's ugly people.

Cerie: Hey, Liz, you want to hang out tonight? 'Cause you're totally my role model. You make smart, sexy.

Jack: I haven't seen Eddie since I bailed him out of Disney jail.

Liz: I've never fired anybody in my life. Jack: It's an acquired skill. I'm not trying to make your life miserable but this is coming from the top. Now there are 140 people on the show, so go out and make 126 people very happy.

Jack: Lemon, you've gone chicken killer on me over a guy whose name you don't know? And you still think our next president should be a woman?

Eddie: I got a real job now. I talk homeless people into joining the army.