30 Rock

Jack: I've got to get out of this. What do other guys do? Liz: Well, one guy died. Scottie Pippen requested a trade to Houston. Jack: Houston's too humid. What about this "died" thing?

Kenneth: (talking to the cast of Night Court) I just wanna thank y'all, for making this dream come true for me. Finally giving America what it wants, a reunion of friends... from Night Court.

Jack: You were right about Claire. She crashed Mi's house party. Liz: Uh-huh. Did she do 'sexy birthday' or 'mannequin who comes to life'? Jack: 'Sexy birthday', thank God.

Liz: Hey, did you see our shout-out in Variety? They called us a "comedy show"!

Liz: Claire is in the lobby. Jenna: Claire Harper? From Chicago? Liz: Yeah. Fun, crazy Claire. Jenna: Oh, man. Do you remember that night we all danced in that open fire hydrant? Liz: Yeah. Her roof parties. Jenna: Karaoke and boys talk. Liz: The all-night scavenger hunt. Jenna: Do you remember when we crashed that Polish wedding? Liz: (smile fading) Yeah, she's exhausting.

Liz: Hey, I just got a call from security. Jenna: That's ridiculous! Why would I steal a file from Personnel? Liz: What?

Liz: [Claire]'s like a human Macarena—something everyone did at parties in 1996.

Jack: Lemon, I ran into your friend, Claire, on the elevator. She is... very pretty. Liz: No, no, no, no. She's nuts when it comes to guys. We had a name for her back in Chicago. It's, uh, too rude to say out loud. (writes name on back of newspaper and gives to Jack to read) Jack: "Crazyputty"?

Tracy: What's wrong, Ken? You got "wife eyes". Kenneth: I'm just sad, sir. I've worn this old jacket since nineteen (mumbles), and now they're just throwin' it away. Tracy: Is there nothing sacred? Have we lost our moral center? It just makes me wanna pee on someone. Kenneth: And I appreciate that, sir, but rules are rules. I'm just gonna have to live with it. Tracy: I hate to see you like this, Ken Doll. It's like a owl without a graduation cap—heartbreaking.

Jack: (sighs) Lemon, real night court is not at all like the TV show. Do you remember that TV show? Liz: I do. Jack: The hookers are not funny, there's a lot more sickly homeless people and terrified college students...

Harry Anderson: ... and as my first official act as a newly-married judge, I hereby declare the new page uniforms at NBC illegal! Tracy: (behind the camera) I added that. I went upstairs, and I told 'em if you don't bring back the old uniforms, I refuse to play the role of Mac in Universal's upcoming Night Court movie. Charles Robinson: What's that now?

Harry Anderson: Markie, will you do me the honor of becoming my fake wife so we can get our money and get the hell outta here? Markie Post: I've waited 15 years to hear you say those words.

Jack: Thank you for answering your phone. Liz: Well, I don't know how to decline a call.

Markie Post: You always thought you were better than me because you were nominated for Emmys. I would've been nominated, too, but I was just too hot to be taken seriously. Harry Anderson: Well that wouldn't be a problem now, would it?