30 Rock

Elisa: I get a ring on my finger for one day, and I start acting like Glenn Close in Atracción fatal. Liz: Oh, that is a whole different title here. Elisa: Lemon, isn't there a Slanket somewhere you should be filling with your farts?

Jack: [Tracy's] life is like Enron, 1999. It's wild.

Roger: I love your show. I read your blog. I've got all your albums, even the one you did with Phil Spector. Jenna: I still think that would've sold much better if he had shot me in the face.

Liz: Elisa has a terrible secret. My current theory is she's the mother of those Michael Jackson kids.

Liz: What do you want me to say, Tracy? I'm sorry I've made it harder for you to cheat on your wife? Tracy: That's a start, Liz Lemon. That's a start.

Jenna: I called 911. They wouldn't even connect me to their celebrities service.

Elisa: I cannot marry [Jack] because of a terrible secret. Please don't ask me what it is. Liz: I won't. I don't want to know. Are you a man? Elisa: Really? That's your guess, "a man?" You want to see me naked? Liz: Sort of.

Liz: Allergies are psychosomatic. The only reason I'm allergic to dogs is because one bit me the first time I got my period. Kenneth: No, allergies are real. If I have a strawberry, my throat shuts up faster than a girl in math class. Jenna: I didn't know you had allergies. You know, if my cousin Stephanie eats a walnut, her throat shuts up faster than a Filipino at a— Liz: Guys! Come on, not okay.

Liz: In my opinion, "Let's think about it," usually ends up with me watching Solid Gold in my basement on prom night.