30 Rock

Ridikolus: (to Kenneth) To have you, your moms must be so stupid she thinks Grape Nuts is an STD.

Jack: Why don't we go down to the pistol range and squeeze off a few rounds? Let the guns do the worrying. Liz: Again with the guns. What is it with men and guns? Tracy: Well, I think I speak for the both of us when I say, because they're metal penises.

Liz: Okay, how racist is this? I'm going to the Source Awards tomorrow night. Steven: Ha, well let me get on the black phone and call the NAACP so they can just send you your medal right now.

Liz: Steven, listen to me, okay? And please, believe what I'm saying. I truly don't like you as a person. Can't one human being not like another human being? Can't we all just not get along? Steven: Liz, I wish it could be like that, and, and maybe someday our children, or, or our children's children will hate each other like that. But it just doesn't work that way today.

Jack: Ghostface, you think you could mention donaghyestates.com at any point? Ghostface: Okay, Jack, I'll go get my rhyming dictionary.

Tracy: If I don't go, Ridikolus is gonna kill me. If I do go, someone else is gonna kill me. See, that's a Catch-22. Aw, he's gonna be there too.

Liz: I am not racist! I love black men! I, I love you! This is fantastic! Let's get dessert. Death by chocolate! No, no, not that kind of chocolate.

Jack: Now as you may have read in Robert Parker's wine newsletter, "Donaghy Estates tastes like the urine of Satan after a hefty portion of asparagus."

Kenneth: Mr. Jordan, I hate seeing you like this. What can I do to help you? Tracy: Nothing, Ken. I'm just going through the classic stages of grief: fear, denial, horniness, wisdom, sleepiness & now depression. Kenneth: What about anger? Tracy: NO!! I don't want to do anger!! You can't make me!!

Ridikolus: What color plane do you want to buy? Jack: Clear, like Wonder Woman's.

Ridikolus: What's your game, man? Kenneth: Boggle.

Jack: (about his mother-in-law) What the hell does she know? She's a Murphy. Bunch of mud farmers and sheep rapists.

Tracy: Good show, Liz Lemon. You coming to the after-after party? Liz: We have after-after parties?

Jack: He's harmless, don't be ridiculous! Ridikolus: I am Ridikolus.

Liz: Do you think I'm racist? Tracy: (dressed in drag and wearing make up) No! I think you like to dress black men up as Oprah as part of your effort to protect our dignity.

Liz: So what you're saying is, any woman that doesn't like you is racist? Steven: No, no, no! Some women are gay.

Tracy: Ken, I'll be gone soon but I just wanted you to know that I loved being your mentor and it's been an honor having you be my manatee. (later) Kenneth: Don't give up on life, sir. Tracy: Wow, the manatee has become the Mento.

Tracy: Shooting people at the Source Awards, it's a tradition. It's like Christmas or shooting people outside a Hot 97.

Tracy: (to Jack about his wine) If you get rich off of this stuff, take care of my family. I don't want my kids to have to go to college.

Kenneth: I'm sorry, this is a private party. Ridikolus: We're with Tracy Jordan. Kenneth: Mr. Jordan himself said, "Don't let no one in who's not on the list because this mess is gonna get raw, like sushi." So, haters to the left.

Ridikolus: Wait 'til I tell Tupac about this. (pause) Jack: I didn't hear anything.

Kenneth: Didn't you tell me to live every week like it's Shark Week? And that nothing's impossible except dinosaurs?

Jack: Well, well, well, Lemon. Steven's a good man; he's on partner track at Dewey, and he's a Black. Liz: A black!? That is offensive. Jack: No, no, that's his last name: Steven Black. Great family. Liz: Oh, yeah, of course. Jack: They're remarkable people, the Blacks; musical, very athletic, not very good swimmers. Again, I'm talking about the family. Black is African American, though.