30 Rock Season 6 Episode 5

Toofer: Kenneth's trying to make us beg him to come back.
Pete: Well, we are not doing that. I've learned from having children that when your kid throws a tantrum and holds his breath, you hold yours, too. When you regain consciousness, believe me he's ready to leave the toy store.

Tracy: [Marty]'s calling you about his son's Bar Mitzvah. Marty wants to pay us crazy money just to show up.
Jenna: Well, you know I'm in. Getting paid to help a boy become a man is kind of my wheelhouse.

Simon: My client gets 5% gross merchandising, where gross means income before expenses and not gross, like apples on a sandwich.

Marty: (greeting Tracy and Jenna) Here they are, my favorite clients. Adam is going to be so excited to meet with you. He is a huge, huge fan.
Tracy: Yes, many of our viewers are obese.

Jack Donaghy: Jack Donaghy playing with himself (dramatic pause) It's a Jack-Off.