(Sally and Don meet for the first time) Officer Don: Hello, what can I do for you? (Sally steps towards him) Sally: Just let me be near you.
August: You know I'm really proud of you. Tommy: For what? The way I slipped in and out of unconsciousness?
Dick: This planet has crossed the line. Assemble the giant robot! Sally: Um...we didn't pack it. You wanted the room for your exercise bike.
Mary: You can't take a random act and turn it around and blame an innocent person. Dick: Just watch me!
Don: Okay Mr. Solomon. It's time to finger your perp. Dick: (points to Mary) Believe me I've tried but she just won't let me.
Dick: Your chirpy optimism has no place in reality. Guess what? Santa Claus is dead! Beaten senseless for his shiny black boots and his reindeer don't give a damn!
Dick: What kind of place is this where you can't wave handfuls of money around in the middle of the night?
Mary: Oh now just relax. You've gotta calm down. Dick: How can I calm down? I feel so utterly exposed and vulnerable. And not in that fun spanky way.
Sally: (to Don) If I had a gun like that, I wouldn't be sitting behind a desk until I ran out of bullets.
Don: We may be in the shadow of Cleveland, but it's in the shadows where evil lurks.
Mrs. Dubcek: You go down to the station and ask for Officer Franco. Italian gentleman, very nice. He came right over when my boyfriend got beat up in my living room. Dick: Your boyfriend got beat up in your own house? Mrs. Dubcek: Yeah, well, my husband didn't care for him.
Sally: Dick, I've been telling you. This planet is in a bad neighborhood.
Sally: (referring to the stolen car radio) Wait a minute. I know what's happened here. You see it all the time on the news. Dick: Uh, toupees? Sally: No. Crime! We're victims of crime!
Sally: (referring to the mall) I think the entire planet should be covered by one big roof. Dick: And we should never be more than fifteen feet from a weenie on a stick.
Tommy: (upon exiting the mall) Well, that was the mall. Wasn't it great? Harry: How would I know? The escalator broke down and I was stuck there for an hour and a half.
Dick: I'm about to reveal something astounding. Mary: I think you're overestimating yourself.
Dick: Behold an ATM card. Mary: Congratulations! You're now a member of a very elite group of two, three hundred million Americans.
This is the first episode featuring Don.
Episode Title This is a pun on the phrase Assault with a deadly weapon.
S 6 : Ep 20
Aired 1/20/08 (21:53)
S 6 : Ep 19
Aired 5/22/01 (21:53)
S 6 : Ep 18
Aired 5/15/01
S 6 : Ep 17
Aired 5/8/01 (21:00)
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