Nina: There are two types of people, the ones that have a loving monogamous relationship and the ones that move from bed to bed Dick: I was the former now I'm the latter, what's your point! Nina: If I were Dr Albright, I would slap you in the face (She slaps him then goes into her office) Dick: (yelling after her) Hey you're not Dr Albright!
(After finding out the woman Dick has casual sex with is Bug's mother)
Mary: If I were the Dean, I would slap you in the face
(She slaps him then leaves)
Dick: (yelling after her) Hey, you're not the Dean!
Tommy: You know Dick, most families do have two cars.
Dick: Most families have a couch. Most families have a mother. Most families are related. If that's what you want, go move in with most families!
Harry: Not that I'm thinking about, but where exactly do most families live?
Sally: Wait... You just met her, and...
Tommy: Did you use a...
Dick: Oh yeah! 3-pack! Ribbed, for her pleasure! But i turned them inside out.
Bill the car salesman: Say there, sport, you like girls?
Tommy: Yeah. Sorry.