3rd Rock from the Sun

(August tosses a coke can in the trash) Harry: Hey, don't throw that away! (Harry takes the can out of the trash) August: Oh, why? Do you recycle? Harry: (holding the can) No, I'm trying to get into the Guinness Book of World Records for the world's biggest can collection. August: How many do you have? Harry: So far... just the one.

Harry: Hey, I've seen this before! This is stain-resistant carpet, watch. (Harry pours the entire contents of a coke can on the carpet and wipes it with his foot, but nothing happens) That's a good place for a chair.

Sally: I'm part of a community. A community that embraces wholesome, American values. And if you cross us... we will destroy you.

Sally: It says here the average American uses 4.1 pounds of butter a year. Tommy: Orally?

Tommy: Statistically, at least one of us should be divorced by now. Harry: Oooh! Can I have that one? Tommy: And 10% of us should be gay. (Everyone looks at Harry) Harry: That's not why we got divorced.

(Tommy enters the room with his hair cut short) Sally: Who are you? Tommy: It's me, Tommy. Dick: You can't be Tommy, Tommy looks like a girl.

Mary: I'm having a nice time. Dick: That's true, you've never screamed nor cried all evening. This calls for celebration, uh, waiter! A bottle of your most... average champagne.

Mary: You and your family... I know you mean well, but sometimes it's like being around the Addams Family. Dick: Well, I admit John Adams' views of a strong central government may have been ahead of their time. Mary: That's not who I meant! Dick: John Quincy Adams?! You're comparing me to that freak show?!