3rd Rock from the Sun Season 2 Episode 2

(Evil Dick is sitting at Dick's desk at the University. He is playing with a pencil when the phone rings)
Evil Dick: (to the phone) What do you want?
(the phone rings again)
Evil Dick: (yells) What do you want?!
(the phone rings again)
Evil Dick: Stop it!
(the phone rings again)
Evil Dick: (yells) Stop it!
(The phone stops ringing and Evil Dick gets a look on his face, showing that he just won)

Tommy: This guy's such a hard ass
Sally: Hey! let me remind you that that hard ass is our high commander!
Harry: Well you're the weapons expert. Isn't there someway to get rid of him?
Sally: No. We're stuck with him. We can't just frag him with a grenade while he is taking a shower.
Tommy: Yeah, but listen: Shower's accidentally explode all the time!
Sally: I didn't hear that!!
Harry: He said that-
Sally: Shut up!

Evil Dick: Now pay attention! I have an assignment for you! Lieutenant take this down!
(Sally goes for a pad of paper)
Evil Dick: I will require the following items: 500 rolls of silver reflective duct tape, 144 ceramic custard cups, 1 subatomic spectrometer and one turkey baster.
(Tommy Sally and Harry give him a weird look)
(Evil Dick starts talking in an evil voice)
Evil Dick: (in an evil voice) You see I am building the greatest incubator these puny humans have every known. And when it is completed, I will spawn my own private army of..
(He looks at Sally, Harry and Tommy and freezes. The three give him another weird look)
Evil Dick: Fuzzy easter chicks! Well what are you looking at? You have your assignment, hop to it!
Sally: Well, can't you give us a ride?
Evil Dick: No! The car is mine and mine alone!

Tommy: (Instructing Evil Dick with what to do at work) When someone asks you what time it is, you do not say 'It's time to die.'

Evil Dick: You will go to a barber, I will go to a stylist!
Tommy, Sally and Harry: Oh..wait wait wait!
Tommy: We have so much more hair then you!
Evil Dick: You will never mention that again!! Have I made myself clear, Tommy?
Tommy, Sally and Harry: Yes.

Evil Dick: The bathroom has been stocked with two kinds of toilet paper. I and I alone...get the quilted kind!

Evil Dick: It is becoming all too clear that my predecessor chose to run things. (Now talking to Harry) You will find things to be quite different while under my command, Tommy!
Harry: Ah...no. I'm Harry.
Evil Dick: No. I've decided that from now on, you will be known as Tommy.
Tommy: (stands up) Well, what about me?
Evil Dick: You will be known as Tommy too.
Tommy: Wait. Tommy then the number two or Tommy as well?
Evil Dick: You will all be known as Tommy!!