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Reverend Eric Camden
NITPICK: When Ted's car hits Mary and Lucy's car the first angle shows it nearly bumps into it and that's it. The second angle shows a more closeup that makes it look a lot more damaging than the first time.
Matt: I joined the army.
Eric: The United States army?
Annie: Yes, the United States army. The one with the guns and the wars!
Eric: Did they tell you you'll have to cut your hair?
Annie: Did they tell you those are real guns with real bullets, and you can get yourself shipped off to God knows where, and for what? Just to get your college education paid for?
Eric: (pause) How much would he get?
Matt: Well, I'm planning on four years. I'm gonna train as a pilot, and they'll give me $50,000, and I'll be able to get a job as soon I get out.
Eric: Wow. 50 G's, and a job?
Annie: Bullets! Very fast bullets coming at our son!
Eric: (when Matt joins the army) Matt, this is a decision only you can make, but as the son of a career office, I'm not sure you know what you're getting yourself into. This is an enormous commitment for anyone, especially for someone so.....for anyone. And once you commit, that's it. There's no getting out. They've got you. In the words of the Colonel, your butt belongs to the Corps!
Matt: So what do you have against the Corps?
Annie: Nothing! I have nothing but respect and gratitude for the thousands of men and women willing to devote their careers and lives to protecting others and ideals! People who don't get to spend every birthday and anniversary and school play with their families because their job is out there, making sure that I am safe and at home with mine. No, this has nothing to do with the armed services, Matt. This is about you and the amount of time that you didn't think this through.
Matt: I'm a grown man! I've already considered all the options! I'm in!
Eric: (to Mary and Lucy) I'm sure you're tired of being around the house all the time.
Annie: And we totally understand. You probably want a little more freedom. Well, I've got news for you. You can't always have what you want when you want it.
Eric: "I want it my way, and I want it now" is an effective survival skill for newborns, but for the rest of us, it can be downright dangerous. For example, last night, you almost got yourselves killed.
Mary: Okay, so how do we get what we want?
Eric: The old-fashioned way: earn it. You want more freedom? You take on more responsibility.
Ted: Emily, come sit beside me.
Emily: No, thank you. I'll stand.
Ted: I'm sorry about what happened.
Emily: Do you mean sorry for suddenly wanting to file for a divorce, or sorry for almost killing those girls?
Ted: Both. So......thanks for picking me up at the hospital. I guess I'll be coming home with you, at least until the bandages come off.
Emily: Until the bandages come off??? No, Ted, I don't think so. Home is where the heart is, and you don't have a heart, and you have broken mine! You still want a divorce? That's your decision. But I'm not taking care of you until you can walk out the door again! That is my decision!
Ted: Mary, Lucy, I owe you an apology. I never imagined myself capable of the kind of screw-up I made last night, and I just thank God both of you are okay. I'm really very srory. My license has been suspended, and I have to attend alcohol use meetings and do some community service. Still, in light of what I did, it doesn't seem like that much.
Annie: No, it doesn't.
Ted: Still......I hope you can accept my apology.
Mary and Lucy: (pause) Sure.
Annie: No, I don't think so.
Eric: Maybe you could encourage Emily to come back to my office. I don't want to just send her home without talking to her a little more.
Annie: I don't think she wants to talk to you, I think she wants to talk to me. And she's resigned to going home alone. She'll be okay.
Eric: I'm sorry about this. I didn't mean to have people hanging out at the house all day.
Annie: It's okay, I like Emily.
Eric: You don't find it awkward that she came here for my help and now, well, she's serving tea?
Annie: No, and I'm sure that what you find awkward is that Emily came to you for help but now, well, I'm the one who's helping her.
Eric: No, no, no I have nothing against women helping each other. I have nothing aganst your helping Emily, but I'm supposed to be helping Emily and Ted, and I'm not sure this is a balanced approach.
Annie: Its not. But its real English tea. It's delicious.
Eric: Emily, I have some time now if you'd like to talk.
Emily: No thanks. Annie's a good listener.
Annie: Emily's making tea. Without a microwave.
Annie: I haven't used a teapot in years. I usually just nuke the teabag right in the cup.
Emily: Sorry. I find the routine comforting. When Ted's home, we always have tea at four, and since we're being so honest, we always have sex at five, dinner at six.
Annie: Yeah. We usually don't have time for the tea. What happened?
Emily: I honestly don't know. He seemed happy. I gave him everything he wanted. I was the one that made the concession about not having kids, staying home, not going to work, those were all things he wanted.
Matt: How long would I have to sign up for, to get the money for college?
Sgt. Reynolds: Two years will get you up to twenty, three years up to thirty-three, four years'll get you up to fifty thousand.
Matt: Fifty thousand...dollars?
Sgt. Reynolds: Strong U.S. dollars. There's a three hour test; Math, English, Mechanics, Electrical. It's called the AS-VAP.
Matt: I'm good at English.
Sgt. Reynolds: I'm sure you can pass it.
Ruthie: Babies, babies, babies. You'd think they never even saw a baby before, the way everyone goes ooh and aah if they even poop. It's not fair.
Simon: Forget it, that's not going to change, what has changed is my luck and I've got to change it back. Did you answer that chain letter or not?
Ruthie: One to Simon Camden, one to Master Simon Camden, and one to Senor Simon Camden. That's Spanish.
Simon: You can't give me back my own chain letter. You're supposed to send it to three other people. The idea is to keep the chain going or bad luck will befall you.
Ruthie: Bad luck already befalled on me the day the babies were born.
Ted: (to Mary and Lucy) I hope you can forgive me.
Mary: Okay. Sure.
Annie: No. I don't think so.
Emily: (to Eric and Annie about the twins) These are the most adorable creatures in the whole world! I wish I could talk Ted into having a baby.
Ted: I have nothing against babies!
Emily: Oh really? Since when? Or are you just showing off in front of the Reverend? He hates kids......oh, not yours. Not these lovely children.
Ruthie: Nice save. Of course, the accent helps.
Annie: I find it reprehensible that you waited until your wife spent 15 years taking care of you before you just up and decided that you really never wanted to be married. I find it even more reprehensible that on your first night out of the house you decided to get drunk, and then get behind the wheel so that you could no doubt get more beer so you could get more drunk. You could've killed my daughters. You could've killed someone else. You could've killed yourself. How stupid do you have to be?!, how selfish to you have to be to drink and drive!?
Matt: I joined the army.
Annie: You are not joining the army.
Annie: Simon, once and for all, rings, chain letters, positions in the family hierarchy have nothing to do with luck, good or bad. That's it! And you can't make what you want to happen when you want it to with spells and garlic because it doesn't work that way. End of story!
Annie: I don't have to lead someone around to the truth. I'm a mother. I can shove it right in their face.
Annie:(to Eric) Your clients are in the living room, honey.
Annie: What would you call them?
Matt: Mentally disturbed parishioners? Church nuts?
Eric: Why aren't they in my office?
Eric: The church nuts.
Annie: Because the two cutest babies in the entire world are in the living room and people are starting to line up to see them.
Ruthie: (after Simon trips while trying to get rid of his bad luck) If it weren't for bad luck, you'd have no luck at all.
Ruthie: (to Emily) You'd make a great mom. I mean, if you decided you wanted to have one. But if you don't, please, PLEASE take Sam and David!
Emily: Ruthie Camden! You must never play with fire, ever! Even if it is to get our attention.
Ted: And you want to have children...ha!
Lucy: So how do we get more freedom?
Eric: The old-fashioned way: earn it.
(Simon after the twins mess their diapers shortly after he had finished changing them)
Simon: (Groans) Oh, I thought my luck had changed.
(About Simon waking everyone up in the middle of the night looking for his Red Lightning ring)
Mary: Should we kill him now or in the morning?
(Sound of babies crying)
Matt: I joined the Army.
Annie: He joined the Army.
Eric: Really? Did they tell you you'll have to cut your hair?
Annie: Did they tell you you could get shipped off to some Godforsaken country and really lose your life?
Ted: I want a divorce.
Ted: Yes. I thought you be upset so I wanted you to have some support... I just can't be married for another second.
Eric: When did you start feeling this way?
Emily: Are you insane? Because if this is the result of a mental condition then perhaps I could understand. Otherwise, I have spent the best years of my life with a horse's ass!
Ted: You know that's it! My bags are packed, I'm moving out and you can have it all. Take the house, take the new car. She can have everything!
Emily: Everything? Then give me back 15 years of my life! Give it to me!.... Years!?
Ted: I don't know any other way to do this?
Emily: I can think of one. I could kill you!
Catherine Hicks (Annie Camden) was quoted from her official website that although she supports most of the things that 7th Heaven tries to say, she didn't like that Matt was coerced out of the Army in this episode. She says "I think a year of boot camp is healthy."
Corbin Bernsen (guest star) is mainly recognized from the NBC 1980's smash hit series, L.A. Law.
In Germany this episode is known as, Luck in the Misfortune, translated.
TV Guide says, "Eric counsels a troubled couple, played by husband and wife Corbin Bersen and Amanda Pays, in an episode that combines humor, shock and intense drama."
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