8 Simple Rules

Cate: If you give me that raised eyebrow look that's intented to show that you've acquired wisdom one more time Paul, I swear it's coming off.

Paul: Now Anthony I know you're a gentleman and a scholar, but you best be in your rig cause my daughters be grounded. (slams the door on Anthony) Anthony: Yo that's cold!

Paul: You're both grounded, go to your room. Bridget: What! You've officially destroyed my life and you're like a life destroyer! I hate you! Kerry: I hate you too. You're the meanest father ever, you're meaner then Angela's father. Paul: Angela's father did time! Kerry: Exactly!

(After seeing Anthony at the door) Cate: Who is that? Paul: Jehovah's witness.

Paul: I was just welcoming you home and wondering what was new. Bridget: Well, I'm sleeping over at Heather's on Saturday night. Kerry: And I'm sleeping at Kristina's. Bridget: Unless of course you want to punish us for breathing! Kerry: Warden.

Paul: Tell me what's new! Bridget: Oh, well Ashley wore this super tight shirt and the button popped off right in front of Brooke, you could totally see everything! And Brooke was all "GASP!!" and Heather was all "GRRRRRR" so Heather totally nailed Ashley and Ashley was all "It was an accident." I mean, yeah right Ashley, I mean Heather is such a good arguer she could so be lawyer! Paul:....wow...uh, so how about you Care bear? Kerry: Uh, nothing that tops that. Nothing that requires "GASP!!" or "GRRRRR!"

Paul: Hey girls! How was school today? Kerry: Why? Bridget: Who called? Kerry: Mr. Cassidy is so out to get me. Bridget: Mrs. Baker, she is a liar! Kerry: The lunch lady, she hates kids. Paul: What kind of school do you go to? NO, never mind..

Paul: I came up here to call a truce. Kerry: Are you playing us again? Paul: No, unless you're playing me.

Paul: I'll never forgive myself if something happens to those girls before I have a chance to punish them.

Cate: If you give me that raised eyebrow look that's intended to show you've acquired wisdom one more time, I swear Paul, it's coming off. Paul: I had something in my eye.

Paul: Nothing falls out of Bridget's jeans. It would take the jaws of life to get into those pockets.

(Paul is reading a parenting book) Cate: So what's the sudden interest after all my years of begging? Paul: Well Cate, I just figured it's time. Our daughters are maturing and you know it would be foolish of me not to use expert resources available right at my fingertips. Cate: They've beaten you down, haven't they? Paul: They're killing me by inches.

Kerry: You are the meanest father ever! You're meaner than Angela's father. Paul: Angela's father did time!

Bridget: There was a guy on the South team, and his name was uh… Stonewall Jackson. And he used his best offensive attacks at his best defensive strategy, and it worked, like, awesome – The Battle of Bullrun. Kerry: That actually sounded smart. Bridget: Do you think Stonewall Jackson has any relation to Michael Jackson? Kerry: And we're back.

Paul: Girls, come unfurl your brother. Bridget: We didn't do anything wrong. We left him a bowl of water. Rory: Out of reach! Kerry: You could wriggle! Bridget: Lazy!!!

Bridget: Dad, you just embarrassed us in front of the coolest guy in the whole school. Paul: After what you did to your little brother--The coolest guy? He's the coolest guy in your whole school? God, I'd hate to see the dorks.