8 Simple Rules

Leo: I'm really not faking Mrs. Hennessy. I've got a headache and I feel kind of nauseous. Cate: Well, you do feel warm. I've got just the thing. (Pulls out a needle) Arm or butt? Leo: Geometry.

C.J.: You deserve it Aunt Cate. Go out with the tennis coach. Have some fun. Let's face it you're not getting any fun around here.

(After kissing) Scott: What was that? Cate: I just wanted to see if my lips still worked… Scott: They do!

Cate: I noticed he was good looking. I am a woman! Bridget: You're not a woman, you're a mother. Cate: I don't know if you know, but you can be both. Or are you unaware of how I became a mother? Bridget: EW!

C.J.: If you're coming on real strong and all you're getting is dead eyes, there's only one explanation; they're gay. Bridget: No, not this guy. C.J.: You'd be surprised. 95% of girls I hit on, gay.

Bridget: I don't get it, is hot out this year? C.J.: I wish.

Scott: Do I sound like a baby? Cate: No! Scott: Okay, so can I have some chocolate ice cream when you're done?

Rory: We're doing a documentary on war heroes. C.J.: What? Is grandpa sitting on one?

C.J.: I'm off to my first meeting for grieving pet owners. Cate: You don't have a pet. C.J.: Not anymore.