8 Simple Rules

C.J.: (about Kyle) Is that your boyfriend? Kerry: I don't know C.J.: He looks familiar. I think I used to hang out with his brother.

Kerry (after she sneaks out) She's upset? C.J.: Well it's not like you're trapped in a well but yeah.

Kerry: I can't get my license?! Why? Cate: Why? Why? Because I'm your mother that's why!

Cate: Bridget, are those new pants? Bridget: Yes, aren't they cute? Cate: Yeah. How did you pay for them? Bridget: Umm with your credit card. Don't you remember? You said Lulu's is having a sale on towels can you go buy some for the guest bathroom use your own judgement. So on the way to the towels I saw these leather pants that were on sale and I remembered C.J. saying you're so wannabe without the leathers and my judgement said you don't want to be a wannabe and I thought judgement you are so right! C.J.: That made no sense but at least you had the presence of mind to drag me into it.

Bridget: What up, smokey? Kerry: Can't do any better than that? Bridget: What's up, pot smoker?

Cate: You are in so much trouble! Bridget: What? Mom, don't you have to deal with Kerry and her friends? Mari, Juan, and Ana? (Winks)

Jim: (To C.J.) Bout time you showed up. Here we are worried sick trying to find Kerry, and you're out... (Kerry comes in) finding Kerry. Good job. C.J.: It kills you to say that! Jim: Like swallowing fire!

Bridget: First, can we talk about why Buzzkill's in our house? C.J.: Because he's old, honey, and has no place to go.

Cate: C.J. what did we say about taunting Grandpa? C.J.: Not to do it.

C.J.: You know what I became known as? Rory: The guy that stole the duck? C.J.: Ya heard of me!

Cate: Go to your room Jim: That's it? You're not gonna punish her? Cate: I have to pick my battles, if I grounded her for everything, she'd never leave the house. C.J.: So what are you grounded for, Grandpa?

(C.J. is telling Rory about his animal stealing days) C.J.: It was an alligator. Rory: No it wasn't. C.J.: It was a cougar. Rory: No it wasn't. C.J.: It was a duck.

Kerry: How did you know I was here? C.J.: Teenage girl. Mall. Not exactly a Rubik's cube.

Cate: Rory, go return the dog. Rory: I'll do it tonight. I can't be seen in broad daylight with the evidence. I'll go to jail and wind up some guy's tasty little sweet thang.

Cate: Dad, what did we say about hitting C.J. with your cane? Jim: Not to do it. It's cause of him I'm using the damn cane, tripping over his damn extension cord, bruising my hip. Now I can't stand up. I can't walk. Cate: Dad, let's be positive. There must be something you can do. Jim: I can plot my revenge.

Rory: I'm tired of being skinny. Chicks hate skinny guys. C.J.: Hey, I'm skinny. Rory: I know.

C.J.: Theres a bug in your teeth and a cricket in your hair.