8 Simple Rules

Kerry: (to Cate) Mom, what's going on? Rory: Yeah, you look all nervous. Cate: Well, I am kinda nervous. Yesterday I took the plunge. I signed up to sing at an open-mic night. Tonight's the night. Bridget: Mom, that's great! Kerry: That's awesome! Rory: Yeah, that's so cool! Cate: Yeah, I wasn't gonna say anything because it's, you know, well, personal, but I'm really scared. Bridget: Don't be scared. You're gonna be so great. Cate: You know, why don't you guys come with me? Bridget: Oh yeah, I'm not going Kerry: No. Rory: I'm busy. Cate: I'm sorry, let me rephrase that. (firmly) Get your coats. Now. Kerry: (indicating her blond hair) Mom, I can't go out looking like this! Cate: (feigning sympathy) Aw, sweetie. (firmly) Now. (the kids head upstairs) Oh, thank you, kids! Thank you so much! It means so much to me! (Cate approaches a photo of Paul) Well, Paul...guess who's going skydiving?

Jim:(to guy in wheelchair threatening C.J.) You leave my grandson alone! C.J.: Yeah, that probably sounded a lot better in your head.

Kerry: 'A little light?' I look like Dolly Parton! Cate: Oh, Kerry. You do look a little bit like Dolly Parton. (Kerry screams and runs upstairs) That's a compliment, she's the queen of country music!

Tina: We don't serve unhappy people. Grandpa Jim: Well, who died and made you owner? Tina: My husband.

C.J.: You call yourself a grandpa? You're like the bad tree from the Wizard of Oz, 'My apples aren't ripe!'

Bridget: You always tell us we can do whatever we want. Cate: Oh honey, I have to say that.

Shrink: Bridget, you've been awfully quiet. Kerry: I'm Kerry! Shrink: Sorry, the hair.

Kerry: You just called me Bridget. Bridget: Well don't just sit there, Kerry, thank him.

Kerry: How do I look? Rory: Like Kenny from South Park.

(Cate and the three kids walk into the bar where Cate is going to sing) Cate: Wow, it's crowded. Rory: How come Grandpa didn't have to come? (Cate gives him a look) I mean, GET TO!

Cate: (to a picture of Paul) Well Paul, guess who's going skydiving?

Cate: Go take him somewhere . . . a ballgame or something. CJ: It's too cold to feed the pigeons. Cate: I'll pay you. CJ I'll get right on it.

Cate: This is what he does, he won't talk to anyone. Not me, Bridget, Kerry, or even Rory. He needs a man to talk to. Rory: So CJ, can you make some calls?

Cate: Look CJ, I'm worried about dad. He's happy. CJ: I'll take care of that.

Kerry: God, it's like being blonde has actually made me stupider. Bridget: More stupid. Kerry: SEE!

Counselor: Who's to say what's normal? Cate: You, at these prices!

Jim: How'd you know I was bluffing? Bridget: The part about you getting up.

Cate: What are you doing? Bridget: Oh, just getting ready to highlight Kerry's hair blonde, so her boyfriend will notice her. Cate: But Kerry has lovely hair! Bridget: Oh mom, don't worry. She can't hear us. Cate: She does! Bridget: I KNOW!

Cate: (on the phone with her mother) Well it doesn't matter how attracted I am to him . . . We're not sixteen. Ah huh, I don't know, maybe a four.

Cate: (reading a letter from Jim's ex-wife) Dear Jim, I love you so much (everyone ooh and awws) I will always love you (they ooh and aww again) I love you, but I am seeing somebody . . . else. CJ: (while hugging himself) Oooh! (thinks for a second) Oh, she's seeing someone else. Sorry, dude.