Cate Egan Hennessy
Special Guest Star
(after Cate throws C.J. out)
Kerry: Well where are you gonna go?
C.J.: I thought I might see my parents.
Cate: I thought they weren't talking to you?
C.J.: I meant from a distance. I could re-up in the army...Oh wait there's a war.
C.J.: Aunt Cate do you mind if I say grace?
Cate: Well my kids don't usually do that, but sure that would be a nice change.
Kerry: Mom, will you take me driving?
Cate: Honey, I can't right now.
Kerry: But you promised!
Cate: I lied. Welcome to life!
Cate: You told Rory he could get a girl to like him by practicing kissing on another girl?
C.J.: I told him to practice. But I meant on his hand or in the mirror or on plush toys.
Cate: You kiss plush toys?
C.J.: No, you kiss plush toys.
C.J.:(to Grandpa Jim) Oh my. Is that my Gampy? Is that my Gampa? Gaga, it's me! (Jim stares at him) Please, don't get up.
(C.J. turns to Rory, sees him glaring at him)
C.J.: Whoa, what's with the stink eye?
Rory: You blew up our toys.
C.J.: War is hell, tiny butch up.
Bridget: (examining her face in the mirror) Aaaah!
Kerry: (sleepily) What is it Bridget? Did you finally realize it's all downhill from here?!
Bridget: There's a huge volcanic growth growing at the end of my nose, just seven hours before my candid picture day begins!
Kerry: So cover it! (Bridget stands over her) With a ski mask!
Bridget: I need medicine. We have to go to the drugstore. You know sometimes you can outsmart them.
Kerry: Well what do you need me for?
Bridget: Because it's dark, and I'm scared and I need you to buy it because I can't be seen buying zit medicine. So let's go, come on.
Kerry: Okay, I will come with you on one condition. I get to drive.
Bridget: Uh no, you only have your learner's permit. It's too risky.
Kerry: Yeah, so is being photographed looking like a Dalmatian!
Cate: I can't stand a family member lying to my face.
(Bridget screams and runs upstairs)
Kerry: She was just... practicing her scared pose. Good one, Bridge! (runs upstairs)
Cate: Did I say you could go to a concert?
Rory: I didn't go to a concert. I went to the school dance.
Missy: Rory was so cute. He pulled up outside, gave me a red rose, I felt just like The Bachelorette.
Jim: You look me in the eye and you tell me the truth. Why did it take so long to come pay your respects to your Uncle Paul?
Cate: And C.J. be honest for once.
C.J.: I was ashamed. You know he was the only guy who said I'd be somebody and I never was. I almost called him one time when I was running the Tilt-A-Whirl but all the parents freaked out because I was dialing instead of "paying attention" to their kids.
Cate: (to Rory) You needed practice kissing? You're a 14-year-old boy. You're not supposed to be good.
C.J.: Bridget, you are really really—
Cate: Related to you.
C.J.: Right, got any friends who aren't.
Cate: Attitude adjustment everybody. C.J. is my sister's son.
Bridget: So that's why we have to like him?
Cate: No, that's why we have to feel sorry for him.
Rory: Why should we care about seeing [C.J.]? When we were kids he was a big huge bully. He stole my army men.
Bridget: Well he took my Debbie doll to "entertain" Rory's army men while they were on leave.
Rory: Then he blew them all up with M-80s.
Rory: See, I've kissed girls before, just, I've never kissed a girl that way, you know, with the uhh...(sticks out tongue and moves it around)
C.J.: (Moves quickly away from Rory) Dude, dont..don't do that.(Sits back down besides Rory)
Rory: Well, there's this dance coming up and i figure that at some point we'll have to, you know.. (Sticks out tongue and moves it around)
C.J.: (Moves quickly away from Rory) Dude! What'd i just say! Keep the tongue in or I walk alright?
Rory: You're pretty smart C.J.!
C.J.: Well, you know, they don't just let anyone in the army.
Rory: Really? I heard they did.
Rory: After we were done studying last night, we were saying goodbye on her front porch, and I...think she might have wanted me to kiss her, and I choked. I suck!
C.J.: Dude, do you ever try to kiss a girl and she whips her head back real quick? That is the worst. It's happened to me like, five-thousand times. They would rather crack their head against the concrete wall behind them then have your gross lips touch theirs.
Rory: Okay, Mary, my story?
Rory: Okay, see there's this girl Missy and she's got these eyes that made me forget how to walk! And when i'm around her.
C.J.: Alright Mary, let's skip the walk on the beach, keep it surfacing.
C.J.: I like what you've done with the place.(Rory's room) Let me guess, girly mags behind the headboard?
Kate: Mass groundings!
C.J.: You're not the boss of me!
(everyone looks at him)
C.J.: Oh, you mean those two! That's cool.
Missy: Wow, Rory, where did you learn to kiss like that?
Rory: My cousin
Missy: Your cousin?! (Walks off)
Rory: No, it's not like that! My cousin is a guy!
Re-aired: Tuesday, May 4, 2004 at 8:30 p.m. ET/PT on ABC.
The first time this episode aired, it scored 10.6 million viewers.
David Spade, who is now a series regular, previously starred in NBC's comedy-hit Just Shoot Me for seven seasons, which ended in Summer of 2003.
CJ (Played by David Spade) is going to an Aerosmith concert on Saturday, in his movie Dickie Roberts: Former Child Star at the end of the movie he's up on stage with Aerosmith.
This episode was taped on Friday, December 19th, 2003 (and some on Wednesday 7th January 2004 due to James Garner suffering a fall on the proposed date).
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