8 Simple Rules

Paul: You want to know why you're so sarcastic? Kerry: Well I'm sure you going to tell me! Cate: Paul! Bridget: Dad! Rory: Who's winning? Paul: It's giant wall you hide behind because you're afraid to show people the real you. A you you're afraid people won't like.

Bridget: (to Rory) You just told him I was in the bathroom? Rory: No, I didn't! Oh, wait. I did! Bridget: (horrified) Oh my god, nobody can know I use the bathroom! My life is ruined. Damage control! I have to do damage control! (picks up the phone and prepares to dial) Paul: No calls, Bridget! Put the phone down! I've got a very important announcement for the whole family. Bridget: Dad, priorities here, ok? If I don't get on this phone in the next ten minutes, people are gonna think I actually use the bathroom!

Cate: Paul, that shirt is hideous! Paul: Thanks! Do you think it will bug Kerry?

Kyle: Well, I better get going. Paul: I love it when you say that.

Paul: I can still hear you screaming 'noooooo!' Kerry: That was you. Paul: Well, when I found you, you ran into my arms in tears. Kerry: No I didn't. Paul: Okay, I did.

Cate: I've got a splitting headache. Paul: Oh honey, you're going through withdrawal, sweetie, you know what you need? You know what would help? A nice steaming cup of coffee!

Bridget: (On phone) And the tragic thing was, I just shaving my legs! They do not get hairy, I was just shaving them!

Bridget: (On phone)...oh yeah, Kerry cried. Rory: Mom, Bridget told her friend that Kerry cried! Cate: Oh, shocking.

Bridget: I'm going to get one blue color contact it's going to look so awesome. Paul: Far out.

Paul: You may not believe this but I was a pretty easy going guy once upon a time. Kerry: What happened? Paul: Kids brought out the worst in me.

Paul: Kerry, the reason I did this contest is because I wanted Rory to give up tattling because it's a pain in the neck. I wanted Bridget to give up the phone because she's on it all the time. I wanted your mother to give up coffee because well that one was just mean. And I wanted you to give up being sarcastic because you know once in a blue moon I'd like to see the genuine you. Kerry: You know when you made up this contest because it was just another way for you to do exactly what you want us to do like going to the lake every year.

Paul: Where's your mother? Kyle: At home. Paul: Her mother? Kyle: You mean my grandmother? Paul: No, Bridget's mother. Kyle: How should I know?

Bridget: What's that smell? Cate: Fabric softener. Bridget: Really? What's it called? Mocha java dryer sheets. (pulls out mug of coffee) Ha you're cheating.

Paul: Okay Kerry, now it's your turn. Where do you want to go on the vacation? Kerry: Whatever. Paul: You know I've always wanted to go there. You talk about it all the time.

Cate: You know I think this family should go to visit Grandma and Grandpa in Sarasota. We'd hang out in the sun. It will be relaxing. We'll go swimming and I don't have to cook. Paul: Cate, your parents don't like me. Cate: I know that honey and I weighed that. But I still have to go with don't have to cook.

Paul: One more smart remark like that and there will be a consequence. Kerry: My life is a consequence. Cate: You know honey, that would have more impact if you didn't say it every day.

Bridget: Mom, are you thinking what I'm thinking? Cate: That we form an alliance? Bridget: Or that we team up and not bust each other. Cate: Yeah, I like your way better.

Kerry: Okay, a family vacation should be a vacation away from your family, not move your family to a smaller place with fewer bathrooms. Paul: Kerry, what's going on? It sounds like you don't even wanna go anywhere with your family. Kerry: So now who's being sarcastic?

Kyle: Everyone has to go sometime. Bridget: Well I don't. (short silence) Kyle: Hey, sometime I'll write my name in the snow! Bridget: Ewww!!! Kyle: I'll write yours too! Bridget: Ewww!!!

Waitress: Hi! My name is Sandy. But if you wait 40 minutes I turn into bad Sandy!

Kerry: Okay, your oldest daughter has been in the bathroom for like an hour. Paul: An hour? What's she doing in there? Kerry: Well, we can rule out reading.

Paul: (to Bridget) Where's your mother? Kyle: (thinking Paul's talking to him) At home. Paul: No, I mean her mother. Kyle: My grandmother? Paul: (slowly) No, Bridget's mother. Kyle: (slowly) How should I know?